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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New friend is setting off alarm bells!

191 replies

HappyI · 24/01/2019 18:47

Hi, ive know my new friend for sbout 6 months through our children and we've grown quite close. She is a Christian and I'm.not, but we both respect each other's views. Last week, she and her daughter came over for lunch and my girl was watching my little pony. Her daughter wanted to sit and watch it to however, she said she doesn't allow MLP because it has magic in it which is against her Christian views (mermaids too seemingly). I switched it to something she was comfortable with despite her saying because it's my house its ok to watch.
I've continued to think about this and believe its a very extreme view and I just dont get it as she allows her girl to watch frozen. My own daughter asked me why magic and MLP is bad and I'm.not happy that this friends, in my opinion, crazy views are seeping into my daughter's conscience.

Other stuff is coming to light too such as having ridiculously unrealistic goals and I'm wondering if she's a fantasist and if I should step back from our friendship. TIA x

OP posts:
foxinthemist · 25/01/2019 17:51

Maybe she has banned MLP because it's total shit?

Earthakitty · 25/01/2019 17:56

She sounds nuts.
I'd keep my distance.

foxinthemist · 25/01/2019 18:08

. Also, the Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is actually an allegory about the Christian story...Aslan represents Christ. He’s put to death, rises again and restores peace to Narnia.

Oh for goodness sake!

Ellyess · 25/01/2019 18:16

HappyI. I probably won't be all that helpful sorry! I am a strongly believing Christian but I don't get on with all the other Christians and I completely understand the viewpoint that God is a pain in the neck and, moreover, people who push God under your nose are a real pain in the neck. I get problems with extreme (what I would call extreme, I suppose it's subjective) Christian ideas and worry about what people say to children. They will probably drive their children to rebel like mad when they become teenagers depending on the more extreme the religious views and behaviour are. This thing about witches etc is a difficult one. I can't figure out why people are so anti magic in children's books yet there is evidence that some of it is not what Christians should engage with. Definitely King David went to the necromancer woman against God's wishes, so that much is clear. I just think if you live an innocent, loving, clean and decent life, trying to help people and follow the 10 commandments then you are keeping to what God wants. You'll probably break the rules sometimes and have to go back and say sorry and get back onto the right path again. God knows this because he knows we're just human and not perfect. The 10 commandments don't go on about witches though.

Nothing to do with religion but from my psychology background, I do know taking part in deliberate witchcraft can be very dangerous. I would never do that even if I hadn't had my Christian revelation. I became strongly Christian not by going to Church but because I nearly died and had a near death experience. But some people have very bad reactions when they try out any kind of seance or witchcraft type of thing, and because of that I would never touch it. I suppose too I am scared of it, Why play around with something that by its own definition is bad, even if you don't really understand how it can be real? I keep away from it. "Deliver us from evil." Good words!

When I was a Research Psychologist, I helped look into the incidence of Witchcraft and so on in the Harry Potter Books. I was also a qualified Counselling Psychologist and in the Department some Colleagues had referrals from other Hospitals about rare cases of older children having very negative experiences from reading Harry Potter. I loved the books, still do, and my children love them. Anyway, because I was the main Researcher, they asked me to concentrate on just that so we could get results quickly for the sakes of the children. All I found was that there are many names in the books which are used in traditional witchcraft and spells and folk lore about Satan and so on and that some of the spells appear to be similar to spells used in some circles. These are groups which are secret and the knowledge of the spells are meant to be esoteric. However, only a minute number of people were adversely affected by the books and my feeling was that the Enid Blyton books in the 1950s could have frightened and affected a similar proportion of children then, albeit not about witches, but because the stories are frightening and had the power to draw the child right in to the book. The result is that I don't know if witches are actually harmful! People will tell you White Witches are good. It's not my field so I can't say. I do think being too fanatical in a religion can cause anxiety and can reduce the number of social contacts people can make.

I would stay friends. Tell your daughter everybody is different. Try not to offend but say politely that you are not against MLP, but you respect their feelings. It sounds as if you've been very sensible so far and a good friend. If things get very intense and too many activities are sanctioned because of religious scruples, then revise the relationship explaining that you allow your child to play what you believe to be innocent and healthy games, similarly with books.

I truly believe that God loves the children as he showed when Jesus came here. He wouldn't want their games to be complicated by bad witchcraft. I think the effects of the devil/satan are very apparent in the world today and this is working in the devil's favour because people say if God exists why does he allow .... and give examples of terrible things happening to innocent and good people. Dying, I know, is just a matter of leaving this body and going to the beautiful realm where many beings already know you and where it is wonderful. `

I said I didn't expect to be much help - sorry. I'd just hang in there and see how it goes. The very religious friend may need you as a friend at school. She could end up with only her other religious friends for company otherwise. Such strong views are hard to maintain in ordinary life. I dread it when the children get old enough for Harry Potter!! Having to learn about Satanism has ruined the books for me! But they are good stories. Your new friend will definitely ban them though! Good luck there!

CoraPirbright · 25/01/2019 18:17

Why “oh for goodness sake” fox? It’s a very well known thing that The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is a Christian allegory. CS Lewis said so himself.

Do agree about MLP though - brain rotting tripe.

ittakes2 · 25/01/2019 18:18

My best friend is Christian and she doesn’t agree / would never do the alternative therapy that I’m Qualified in - doesn’t interfere in our relationship. Our daughters are best friends too - I use it as a way to discuss with my daughter how people have different views and that’s ok. I love my best friend dearly and while I don’t agree with some of her views I respect she has them x

ShadyLady53 · 25/01/2019 18:23

@foxinthemist

It’s not me making that up. It’s a well known fact.

www.bbc.co.uk/religion/0/24865379

3WildOnes · 25/01/2019 18:25

ShadyLady53
Lots of conservative evangelical churches advocate smacking children for any defiance. It isn’t such a common view in mainstream churches such as the Catholic Church or the cofe. Or liberal churches.
The kid of churches that belong to the affinity gospel church partnership.

ShadyLady53 · 25/01/2019 18:29

Thanks 3WildOnes, I’ve never heard of “affinity gospel church partnership”. I’m genuinely shocked there are lots of Christians that think it’s ok to hit their children. I do have some evangelical friends and was aware of some real differences in attitudes but didn’t know things could be so extreme.

Dieu · 25/01/2019 18:33

She wouldn't be my cup of tea at all. Respecting the views of others is all very well, but sometimes we are just downright incompatible.

WhatisFreddoingnow · 25/01/2019 18:44

Catholic here and it's not common to see the smacking of children. Probably same rate as the rest of the general public.

I would happily let children read fantasy etc and never heard of it being frowned upon. As they get older, I would draw the line at shows/films depicting the devil in a good light or demonic activity. I think religious or not, those kind of films can play on younger folk's minds. Also, would never allow seances or ouji boards in the house and will educate my children on why the supernatural world shouldn't be tampered with.

I imagine that the woman follows a slightly different doctrine and it's her right as a parent to decide how far to expose her child to different shows/films regardless of our opinion. She wasn't imposing her beliefs on you . You decided to turn off the show so I think to say that she must have other 'bonkers' ideas is actually really unfair as we don't know this person.

Vicky1990 · 25/01/2019 18:46

This may be a good time to teach your daughter about how damaging different religions can be, and the wars and disputes that have in the past, and stil Do today stem from their teachings.
If your friend finds that watching this programme is a bad influence on her daughter, then I would find her attitude has a bad influence on your daughter.

Daisiesinavase · 25/01/2019 18:46

3WildOnes, which evangelical churches teach that you should smack your children? You say lots do, but I have been to quite a few and never come across this.

To answer the OP, perhaps this mum just hasn"t watched MLP herself?

3WildOnes · 25/01/2019 18:52

daisiesinavase a number of conservative evangelical churches that I’ve been to. As I said up thread the kind of churches that belong to the affinity gospel churches in partnership. They have churches all over the UK. But there are others as well. I’ve been to weekends away with people from churches all over the UK who follow these methods.

Squeezylemons · 25/01/2019 18:56

I don’t agree with not watching MLP but accepting frozen is silly.

This belief is not only seen in Christianity but also by some well respected child development theorists. I hope this article puts it into perspective as it has some very valid points.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.montessoridaoshi.com/single-post/2017/10/25/Fantasy-and-Imagination%3f_amp_

WhatisFreddoingnow · 25/01/2019 18:58

@Vicky1990

As well as all the good things that different religions and people of faith have done for the world?

Otherwise, it would be very narrow-minded.

BlueJava · 25/01/2019 18:59

I'd distance myself. Regious beliefs like this sound pretty unreasonable and not achievable to shield her DCs from.

Banana1979 · 25/01/2019 19:00

Im Christian and your friend is barking. Ive never known in the history of my church in all the 29 years ive been alive for my church to say cartoon magic is a problem. Its not against Christianity at all ..
But dont exclude her. If she comes round watch something else. Shes your mate respect her wishes i guess. I wouldnt serve non halal food 2 a muslim

Banana1979 · 25/01/2019 19:04

I shouldnt say barking. A bit harsh. Its ok to be strict i guess

manicmij · 25/01/2019 19:05

There is more magic in Frozen than MLP. Everyone is entitled to their views but a bit misguided judgement in this case.

Villanellenovella · 25/01/2019 19:07

I thought it was common knowledge that the lion the witch and the wardrobe was religious

strawberriesandsugar · 25/01/2019 19:12

I had this with an acquaintance and waybuloo.
Each to their own. Extreme in my view but hey ho, no harm done

BedraggledBlitz · 25/01/2019 19:12

I dont think that this alone would bother me. Up to her what her kid watches and she doesn't have to explain why. She sounds easygoing enough by saying you can watch what you want in your house.

April2020mom · 25/01/2019 19:19

Stop seeing her. I’ve certainly lost a number of formerly good friends over the years. I’m Christian myself but I prefer to attend a mainstream church.
I want my kids to be open minded. This is why I don’t have a strong opinion on abortion anymore. My experience definitely changed my mind. We watched Frozen a few weeks ago one Friday night at a high street cinema.

Ellyess · 25/01/2019 19:20

HappyI. Oh no! I should have addressed the one who hits her children and is from the same church and believes children are born with sin and the parents should 'help them get rid of it

Can you speak to the little boy's school, in confidence? This child has to be rescued. I promise I am not overreacting. I've seen a lot of damaged children and every day without intervention could be nearer to ruining his whole life, the poor little chap. His mother needs help too. She is not wicked. She is seriously misled and I am seriously frightened about the Church these mums go to, The people who teach that children are born with sin and need such measures as cruelty to get rid of it are not Christians, I promise. Everyone knows what Jesus said about the children when the Disciples were trying to move the children away: "Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer (allow) little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God."
He said too about children:
"whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." meaning 'hurt or harm.'
It does sound as if this church is very forceful and dare-I-say misguided? Talking about David Koresh doesn't surprise me in the context of these worries.

As for future holidays, just stall that one. Of course it's too much too soon! There is something a bit strange about her - beyond the extreme religious ideas, but in the way she has latched on to you. There is a personality disorder which is not dangerous or nasty like psychopathy or narcissism but involves a person needing to rely on a best friend all the time, having to have their company and endorsement all the time. I'm not suggesting she has this but she is trying to become close friends too soon in the relationship. Just say you can't make any arrangements, your husband's holiday dates aren't fixed yet or any other excuse you have that suites your life. Certainly don't go! Far too soon! I think it might be best to see how all this unfolds. Please keep in touch - I hope I don't mean that just out of nosiness but genuinely I do have deep concerns about this little boy and now about the Church itself which means about your new friend and her ideas. I am concerned for you and so are all of us - see what people say! We will support you. Unless something drastically unreasonable happens though, I wouldn't cut off the relationship between the children. I think the child from the religious mum needs a normal friend for one thing.

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