New friend is setting off alarm bells!

[HappyI]

Hi, ive know my new friend for sbout 6 months through our children and we've grown quite close. She is a Christian and I'm.not, but we both respect each other's views. Last week, she and her daughter came over for lunch and my girl was watching my little pony. Her daughter wanted to sit and watch it to however, she said she doesn't allow MLP because it has magic in it which is against her Christian views (mermaids too seemingly). I switched it to something she was comfortable with despite her saying because it's my house its ok to watch.
I've continued to think about this and believe its a very extreme view and I just dont get it as she allows her girl to watch frozen. My own daughter asked me why magic and MLP is bad and I'm.not happy that this friends, in my opinion, crazy views are seeping into my daughter's conscience.

Other stuff is coming to light too such as having ridiculously unrealistic goals and I'm wondering if she's a fantasist and if I should step back from our friendship. TIA x

I don't know about why it would offend someone's beliefs. Seems odd to me. I'd probably just say to dd "oh such and such doesn't like it, but it doesnt mean you can't."

However MLP used to give my dd nightmares when she was little (even when other more scary things didnt) because of the weird massive eyes.

Just because you don't understand a belief, doesn't mean you're right to negatively attribute it.

All the 'respecting' has to be on the part of the person who doesn't hold extreme views, maybe it should be more evenly distributed.

I’d be a touch wary. I say that as a Christian who was raised in a very strict cult environment and wasn’t allowed to watch tv at all. My parents would have viewed MLP in the same way as your friend. I don’t feel it was healthy as it was extreme and alienated me from other children - kids talk, so if they go to someone’s house and the parent is being over the top, they might not care at 4 but you can bet they’ll be whispering about it at 9.

My friend has gone very extreme and I’m struggling with her as she openly judges everyone and everything and won’t have things like superheroes ...our house is full of them.

Your house, your rules. She can do what she wants at hers but she shouldn’t expect you or your child to adhere to her rules. If you choose to that’s a different matter, for example I wouldn’t eat pork if a Jewish friend visited out of respect, but not would I be dictated to.

I speak from bitter experience, these upbringings lead to social isolation and rebellion, or just people classed as ‘weird’.

If the girls aren’t bothered let the friendship drift.

Family holidays after only 6 months of friendship? Not a chance.

I'm a Christian and generally avoid anything 'dark' and magic related, but I do watch Harry Potter etc although I know others who wouldn't. If My Little Pony freaks her out but Frozen doesn't it doesn't mean she's crazy, although I agree it's inconsistent! I'd give her a chance and see how the rest of the friendship pans out, you can challenge her on things too and ask her to explain where she's coming from.

@StreetwiseHercules

Could you be any more offensive?

They are the nicest family you could meet. They do so much for their community. You have NO idea. Their four adult children are wonderful humans, with no family fall outs. One of them follows the religion in so far as going to church etc, but the other two are not interested whatsoever and no one is treated any differently.

They are devoted to looking after their youngest who is severely disabled.

So she doesn't do father Christmas or the tooth fairy?

Gotta love how some Christians/Catholics dismiss Harry Potter and MLP and fairy tales and suchlike, but are FINE with The Lion, the witch, and the wardbrobe, because the writer is a passionate practicing Christian. Pretty much sums up the hypocrisy of some people who follow religion. (Not all; some people who have a faith are lovely.)

YANBU OP. I would avoid this woman as much as possible. She won't get any better!

Agree Tillytrotter1. I feel I bend over backwards as an atheist to understand, respect and accommodate others religious views, but I mostly get sympathy for not allowing god into my life or have to fend off people trying to convert me!

OP what exactly have you done to 'bend over backwards' and how many times have you actually had someone try to 'convert you'? Fending people off, really?!

My concern is the alienation of her girl. I will challenge her on these views as I just cant accept it. She did say she's so happy I respect her views re the magic but I was so taken aback and just changed the channel as I wouldn't purposely make anyone feel uncomfortable in my home.

Yes, I live in a town with a lot of Christians and out of the 3 friends I have who are Christian, 2 have tried to convert me. I obviously exaggerated but I NEVER try and make a Christian become an atheist. I do respect their views enough to not go there

Is roald dahl allowed? Grimms fairy tales? Tales of Narnia?

All the 'respecting' has to be on the part of the person who doesn't hold extreme views, maybe it should be more evenly distributed.
Like the OP’s friend saying it was ok to leave it on as she was in her friends house?

No highly irritating MLP but the hugely watchable frozen is ok? Sounds to me like a brilliant ruse not to have to watch MLP on repeat all day.

OP, it doesn’t sound like you respect her beliefs at all. Nice drip about the abusive parent at her church. I would bin the friendship, sounds better for all involved.

Honestly OP, you’ve done well so far respecting her beliefs, but this would be the point of no return. It’s crackers. And no doubt if she believes My Little Pony is evil, she has a LOT more unsavoury beliefs simmering under the surface.

Some of my family are like this about books with magic. They are evangelical Christians. They also believe in hitting their children for any defiance. Strangely the children grew up to be absolutely lovely and were lovely and well behaved as children. Their children are also now lovely. I find it hard not to judge though.

I wonder how open she would be to discussing it further. She obviously isn’t worried about breaking convention and voicing her opinion about it. I would be really tempted to probe further (respectfully, if she seems comfortable with it) out of curiosity, not with view to judge her opinions or to say I agree or disagree, but more in a “that’s so interesting, I love learning about religion” kind of way.

Her reaction will probably help you decide whether you want to maintain your friendship.

One of my closest friends is catholic and I’m atheist. She has taught me so much about her religion, and we both have the same basic principles for life, I just don’t believe her backstory. She respects that though and vice versa. However, she loves Harry Potter and has never expressed any extreme views on magic. I’m sure she’d enjoy talking about it though. We love a good philosophical discussion.

Maybe your friend has some logic behind why Frozen is ok and MLP isn’t that she hadn’t explained fully? Ask her and report back!

(I wonder how she feels about Horrid Henry?!)

I'm a Christian I can't say MLP has ever bothered me but then I love fantasy and I like my books to have an element of the supernatural. A lot of Christians in my circle would think this is wrong. I just view it as stories. It's usually Harry Potter and Halloween though. I refuse to allow anything Bendy and the ink machine related into this house though (My children are older). It feels very wrong to me, it's possibly a very personal decision each Christian makes based on their own conscience (if you like).

I'd ask her why MLP and not frozen personally. She might confide that she just hates it.

Yabbers, I agree with you, I don't respect some of her views like this magic thing but I respected it enough to change the channel.

I've actually heard of other people taking issue with MLP specifically. I think it's because there are representations of black magic. It has also been the subject of a "satanic panic" at one stage.

Reading between the lines, I'd guess you're feeling a little judged by your friend, and reactively doing the same to her. If you really are friends and respect each other, I don't see any reason to end the friendship.

Do you know what, if she's beginning to bug you now, this early in the friendship, I'd be inclined to back away a bit before she pushes the holiday/weekend away conversation. I've had to step back from someone whose views I just can't be arsed with. It's one thing respecting others views but when those views become extreme and just sound ridiculous then you really don't have to put up with it. Sounds like you don't really need this friendship in your life.

I would also like to point out that I am an Evangelical Christian...I don't hit my children at all and I don't know any other Christians in my circle who do. I find it's not seen as okay...there is a lot of talking through and "what could you have done?"

Streetwise Hercules, another Christian friend from the same church hits her child to the point he has serious behavioural problems. She seemingly believes children are born with sin and the parents should 'help them get rid of it.

OP If I knew someone was doing that to their child I'd be reporting them to Social Services. When people use their beliefs to hurt others is where I stop respecting them.

Fun fact, JK Rowling is a Christian. The bit at the end of Deathly Hallows where Harry sacrifices himself for everyone else and comes back to life if a pretty big analogy! So I never understand why the HP series gets so much stick from Christians. Tolkien was a Catholic, but his works also seem to get a lot stick from people who think magic is evil.

Colourswithjoy I’m also an evangelical Christian so I’m not tarring all with the same brush. I belong to a very liberal church. My family are part of small churches and smacking/spanking is very much the done thing in their churches. I was gifted a parenting book after my first baby that was mostly dedicated to physical discipline.