Not wanting to leave my 10 week old baby

[disneymumx]

So my baby is 10 weeks old and I have not left her for more than 4 hours yet. The first time was a necessity as we were moving into a new home and couldn’t do it with her. More recently me and my boyfriend went out for dinner and I left her with my mum and sister, knowing and trusting that she was in good hands. However, this is not pleasing the mother in law. We have already gotten into one argument over it and there are remarks made all the time by her, as well as her insisting that she is taking the baby out to “give me a break”. (I hate when people use this card more than anything as I do not need or want a break from my child and if I did I would ask). Am I wrong for not allowing her to take her out and let her mind her for the night? Right now the only person I feel that I could trust to look after her properly is my own mum as I know she is attentive to all of her needs. She goes out with her dad which, although I miss her and would prefer her to be with me, I obviously have to allow because he is her dad. Just so sick off feeling bad for it and having to try to please other people.

I agree that the baby's responsible father should ideally be often taking the baby for an hour or two at 10 weeks (if breastfed then as long as the baby has just had a feed and isn't having a cluster feeding day). It's good for the dad and for the baby to develop that close.bond. It's only too soon to allow this if you can't trust the dad to check the time and get back within the time slot you expect for the next feed.

@Bertrand - just because a walk was useful one time I really can't see any reason why every other tiny shared fragment of the baby's DNA would need to be rushing off out with the baby. It really isn't good for the baby when they don't know the baby's schedule and aren't even used to tiny babies. If you want cuddle time then turn up and really look after the baby in the living room while mum has a shower or a nap, hand the baby over quickly when it wants a feed and help with washing up or hanging out laundry. There's nothing to mind about people who help, who pass the baby back quickly when it needs mum and it gives you a chance to get to know the baby. You don't need to be physically far away from the mum, and you get what you want if you can bear to stay nearby, why is that so hard to understand?

“why is that so hard to understand?”

I understand it perfectly! I just don’t agree. And I think it’s a bit strange to describe a grandmother as a “tiny shared fragment of DNA”!

My little girl is also 10 weeks old, so I can understand not wanting to leave her. We live closest to my in-laws but luckily I ended up relying on my MIL during pregnancy hospital visits whilst my husband was away.

Similarly we went out leaving her for 4 hours to go to the cinema, but my MIL was the one to have her. The difference in our case was my mum regularly has me stay with her for a few days so is getting the whole experience of baths, feeding etc. And she’s the first person I’d call when I’m worried. I am conscious that my MIL might feel excluded so have invited myself to stay at theirs and asked for her help in the day whilst I do laundry etc. With my husband being away I know I could exclude his parents as I’m used to turning to my own.

The reason I am trying so hard not to is having seen how upset my mum gets with my brothers babies (who she sees a handful of times a year despite living closer than me). My dad has actually commented he’s seen more of my daughter than his other grandchild (2) when she was 4 weeks old.

It doesn’t sound like this is the case for you though as your welcoming family into your own house so just explain you don’t want to leave baby unless you have to, but maybe suggest a one-on-one outing to get coffee with MIL and baby?

Either way - good luck!!!

Mrex - how do you know 'what's good for the baby'? All babies are different.

This thread is bonkers! And so different to the world I live in

“And so different to the world I live in”
Yep, me too. I live in a world where babies are welcomed into families and cuddled and loved by them and sometimes treated like the lovely little super dollies they are.

No.
They are not dollies ffs they are little human beings

Of course they are little human beings. And should be treated with respect and handed straight back to the person they want most at the slightest hint of distress. But there is no reason why they can’t spread their joy around a bit! And I certainly treated mine like super dollies in some ways- I dressed them and played with them and let other people play with them for as long as they were content.

OP, if you are not ready to leave your baby, don't leave her. Your feelings are completely natural and you don't have to justify them X

@SillySallySingsSongs no my dm did not care for dd afterwards but practically begged to. I hired a nanny. Would there be something wrong if I had allowed my dm to look after dd at 4 months then after not wanting to be separate from her? Didn’t quite understand your post.