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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

779 replies

Toomanychefs · 24/01/2019 00:39

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 25/01/2019 16:32

When I suggested smear test screening might not exist in 13 years, it was more because I think they’ll be a better test for HPV. That’s the key predictor of problems. I’d be very surprised if there wasn’t a urine test by then.

Dungeondragon15 · 25/01/2019 16:36

I think it could be a combination of less invasive cheaper tests and a population that is at lower risk (due to the vaccine). There are no guarantees but it wouldn't be at all surprising if todays 12 year olds never have a smear.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 25/01/2019 16:58

I'd let her go if she wanted it's a 60 second if that procedure, plenty of 12 year olds have started their periods so need to know it's a simple and quick thing to do once your older. I still don't understand why the age limit is 25 to start getting them done I had one at 19 and needed treatment so defo think the age limit should be lowered

Dungeondragon15 · 25/01/2019 17:14

I still don't understand why the age limit is 25 to start getting them done I had one at 19 and needed treatment so defo think the age limit should be lowered

As another poster has said they are low risk and testing lead to false positives and unnecessary treatment which can be harmful too so for younger women the benefits weren't worth the risks.

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 17:25

Dungeon absolutely agree that female teens are vulnerable in that respect and authority figures definitely hold thrall for many, most. This is why its worrying what can happen for teens when DPs are not involved.

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 17:26

We do know that HPV vaccine only covers some other many many strains of HPV, right?

Port1ajazz · 25/01/2019 17:26

If she's up for it , why not ?

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 17:27

We do know that HPV vaccine only covers some of the many many strains of HPV, right?

Abbifa · 25/01/2019 17:28

I don’t see the issue really. She will at some point being going to have smears herself, and having heard so many of my younger friends tell me that they are worried about having their first smears and don’t want to go, I’d say what better way to show her that there is nothing at all to worry about.

Rebecca75red · 25/01/2019 17:30

I don’t see an issue. She’s obviously not going to see exactly what’s going on. But if she can see you relaxed and not bothered about it then she’s much more likely to go when she needs to.

jessebuni · 25/01/2019 17:30

By 12 I’d say if she wants to go and the doctor/nurse has no problem with it then it’s between you and your DD. I wouldn’t suggest it to my DD (not as old as yours anyway) but if she is curious, particularly given the recent experience with cervical cancer in your family then I don’t see a problem with it. She could even just sit in the room and they can pull the curtain around you. If anything the fact that you’ll be in and out within minutes will show her that it is a really small intrusion that can save a lot of medical issues and even lives.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 25/01/2019 17:30

YANBU
Your daughter and your choice.

Ineke · 25/01/2019 17:31

I suppose in the end it's up to her but I know that at 12 I would be far too embarrassed to watch my mother have a smear. Totally depends on your relationship so only you know best.

whatkatiedidnext31 · 25/01/2019 17:33

It will defo not ‘scar her for life’
Not going for a smear test is WAY more likely to cause problems in later life.
There are some very odd responses on this page, I’ll never know why women don’t go for smears. It’s irresponsible and selfish.

I would take my daughter when she is a little older, she’s 9, but I believe 12 onwards is fine.

maureen17 · 25/01/2019 17:34

too much too soon ..she's 12. x

namechangedforanon · 25/01/2019 17:34

Personally I think it’s fine

Bottletopsx · 25/01/2019 17:38

What is the matter with you. Let her be 12 for God Sake!

Angiemum24 · 25/01/2019 17:38

Err No!
Can’t she wait in the waiting room.
Very weird!

Alybob89 · 25/01/2019 17:38

I'm a lurker on mumsnet, and just had to sign in to comment. I can't believe how childish some of the comments are. If you were forcing her to go then fair enough but she has requested so why not!? She's old enough and by the sounds of it, mature enough to make her own requests and I don't think you're being unreasonable in the slightest. Many of these responses are though, heads in a fairy land

Vynalbob · 25/01/2019 17:38

Depends on your dd my ds terrified of dentists so I put him on a seat while mine were cleaned and polished. I tapped my hand in beat to music and gave a little wave to show all okay. He thought I was being tortured and no amount of discussion afterward convinced him otherwise. Careful intension and result can be very different

user1481793247 · 25/01/2019 17:38

Cervical cancer is called the silent killer. If it’s explained to her by a professional ( nurse) and she wants to be with mum then I can’t see the problem. She’s 12, maybe starting periods soon or already has them. She’s not going to be staring at her mothers foo, she’s going to be at the other end supporting her mum and learning

PurpleDaisies · 25/01/2019 17:38

I still don't understand why the age limit is 25 to start getting them done I had one at 19 and needed treatment so defo think the age limit should be lowered

Why did you have a smear at 19? It wouldn’t have been a routine screening one-it would have been because you had some sort of symptoms.

Best medical evidence shows starting the programme at 25 is when the benefits of detecting potential problems outweigh the potential harm that could be done by screening.

puppy23 · 25/01/2019 17:39

I think its a good idea - so many fear it so its good to instil in her from a young age she'll be ok.

PurpleDaisies · 25/01/2019 17:39

We do know that HPV vaccine only covers some of the many many strains of HPV, right?

Yes, “we” do. Why?

Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2019 17:41

" Let kids be kids FFS!"

She's pubescent! She should know how a woman's body works as she has periods or will do quite soon.

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