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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

779 replies

Toomanychefs · 24/01/2019 00:39

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

OP posts:
Waspnest · 25/01/2019 12:40

I remember going to the GP at 19 for the Pill in the 80s and being told it would only be prescribed if I had a smear test within the next few months. Absolutely weird looking back bearing in mind how long cervical cancer takes to develop and bearing in mind that women aren't tested until they're 25 nowadays.

messyhousetidymind · 25/01/2019 12:44

I think it's fine if it's at her request and if she stays "head end".

She is curious so I would go with that. I wouldn't drag a daughter unless she suggested it herself though!

Good idea to confirm that it's not shameful or sexual.

I can remember being scared the first time I had one. My GP at the time pretty much said she wouldn't prescribe any more contraceptive pills unless I booked a smear!

Dungeondragon15 · 25/01/2019 12:47

Where would it be better used? Do you mean if np one got cervical cancer and it ever needed to be detrvyrd again?

No, I mean that the NHS decides where to prioritise it's funding all the time and where screening is concerned it really depends on how many people it saves versus costs and other factors. At the moment the screening saves 5,000 lives a year, I think. If that number was to drop so that only a very small number of women are saved they may decide not to spend the money or to only spend it on those who are at highest risk e.g. because they haven't had the vaccine or have other risk factors. I have no idea if or when that will happen but I know that it does happen all the time. They don't screen the whole population for everything they could screen them for.

howabout · 25/01/2019 12:47

I actually agree with you Dungeon. I didn't even know you needed to have been sexually active to need a smear test when I left school. In fact I think it is only with the introduction of the HPV vaccine that this link has become clear for many. I remember a great deal of effort going into not explicitly linking smear tests with sexual activity to avoid any stigma association with testing.

I do worry about some of my DD's cohort. They are convinced you will die of cervical cancer if you don't get an HPV vaccine. It might be a hard sell to convince them that despite them having had the vaccine they should have follow up testing at 25.

Waspnest · 25/01/2019 12:49

I don't know whether smears will be completely stopped but I think some health trusts are already testing for HPV before carrying out a proper smear. I can see a time when maybe women can swab themselves for HPV and send off the samples for analysis and they'll only be called for a smear if they have the malignant strains of HPV present (in a similar way to people sending off poo samples to check for bowel cancer).

Dungeondragon15 · 25/01/2019 12:51

I remember going to the GP at 19 for the Pill in the 80s and being told it would only be prescribed if I had a smear test within the next few months. Absolutely weird looking back bearing in mind how long cervical cancer takes to develop and bearing in mind that women aren't tested until they're 25 nowadays.

Yes, I remember thinking it was pretty pointless considering that if I had caught HPV it would have been within previous week. There was no such think as "informed decision" making or nice leaflets giving the impression that it was all your choice in those days. We were pretty much told what to do and given the impression that no wasn't an option if we wanted contraception.

Dungeondragon15 · 25/01/2019 12:54

I can see a time when maybe women can swab themselves for HPV and send off the samples for analysis and they'll only be called for a smear if they have the malignant strains of HPV present (in a similar way to people sending off poo samples to check for bowel cancer).

Yes, I think that might happen if the number of cervical cancer cases drop and there are other cheaper methods of screening even if they are not as effective.

Italiangreyhound · 25/01/2019 13:01

Dungeondragon15 "They don't screen the whole population for everything they could screen them for."

So I wonder why they choose to screen for this. You may not know. I am guessing there are medical reasons for this.

I hope they will only bring this in if it is as effective. I can't imagine being able to get a smear sample myself!

Waspnest · 25/01/2019 13:10

In my scenario I was just thinking of a vaginal swab. If a nurse struggled to find my cervix when she could actually look for it I think my chance of finding it is zero!

Waspnest · 25/01/2019 13:19

I think the NHS introduced the national cervical screening service in 1988 (which may explain the overzealous testing that some of us experienced and the shit techniques of many of the nurses). Presumably the introduction of the Pill in the 60s meant that women were having more sex with more people and so HPV was being spread around a lot, so in the 70s and 80s the levels of cervical cancer rose sharply.

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 13:34

HPV is the only cause of cervical cancer?

Why do nuns get it? Or is that an urban myth!

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 13:38

Smoking is a big factor in cervical cancer according to medics I've spoken with.

Waspnest · 25/01/2019 13:40

I don't think it's the only cause but the chance of getting cervical cancer without it is tiny statistically, and screening programmes are based on statistics (which is why screening begins at 25 presumably).

Italiangreyhound · 25/01/2019 13:42

I was told when I went for my first smear as a virgin (not a nun), that nuns don't catch cancer. It's not true thought.

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/womens-health/do-i-need-a-cervical-screening-test-if-i-am-a-virgin/

Plus being a nun, or a virgin, or not having had any "... sexual contact with a man or a woman... Sexual contact includes vaginal, oral or anal sex, and skin-to-skin contact of the genital area."

Are all very different things.

howabout · 25/01/2019 13:42

Agreed Wasp. Women smoking also became far more prevalent during the 60s and this also increases cervical cancer risk.

There are other downsides to testing apart from cost and inconvenience. False positives and self resolving cases picked up can lead to over treatment. This is particularly relevant as treatment can lead to complications later. This is why testing was stopped for under 25s.

howabout · 25/01/2019 13:47

smother most nuns were not always nuns and that is before you even start casting aspersions about what they own up to at confession.

Italiangreyhound · 25/01/2019 13:49

Yes, I was thinking that too howabout but no demographics on that!

TonTonMacoute · 25/01/2019 14:16

Under the circumstances you described I think it's a good idea. As PPs have said we constantly hear how issues like this, which affect women's health, are not discussed and many of us are in the dark about, and even fear, important aspects.

The fact that she has asked might mean that she has some worries she hasn't talked about. Seeing how mundane it can be will help out her mind at rest.

She's not going to see anything different from if she went with you to the dentist. Go for it.

PanamaPattie · 25/01/2019 14:26

It’s interesting that in the 80s and 90s GPs etc found it acceptable to hold contraception hostage until you had your smear test. I believe it was a way to increase the uptake of screening but without the pesky issue of informed consent. I can’t imagine any woman putting up with that type of coercion these days.

Waspnest · 25/01/2019 14:28

Yes I agree.

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 14:49

Oh how about, I've had similar thoughts off to confession now

Smotheroffive · 25/01/2019 15:01

[https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cervical-cancer/causes/, causes of cervical cancer by NHS types 16 and 18 not the type that causes warts but symptomless]]

So the virus travels through intimate contact, not necessarily direct to the cervix.

Dungeondragon15 · 25/01/2019 16:25

So I wonder why they choose to screen for this. You may not know. I am guessing there are medical reasons for this.

They choose to do it systematically at the moment for the whole population because all women are considered to be at quite high risk and it could therefore potentially save a lot lives and is considered worth the cost and other negative factors (e.g. false positives). The UK National Screening Committee gives recommendations. legacyscreening.phe.org.uk/screening-recommendations.php

Dungeondragon15 · 25/01/2019 16:29

I can’t imagine any woman putting up with that type of coercion these days.

I think that teenagers might still put up with it. They are used to being ordered around by adults in authority.

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