To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

[Toomanychefs]

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

But it will be thirteen years before she has one presumably I'm sure others have pointed that out.
I personally wouldn't, it'll be something she remembers and probably tells it as a weird thing her mum did when she's older

In 13years time, screening smear tests could well be a thing of the past.

Here was me thinking that the DD needed to actually see what was going on to know if there was anything to fear or not.

Nope. She just needed to see that her mother was calm,relaxed and unhurt.

Do you think the nurses use net fucking curtains NutElla? Do you actually know how curtains work?
How do you imagine the DD saw her mother was calm and relaxed, she certainly couldn’t see because SHE WAS BEHIND A FUCKING CURTAIN so I imagine it must have been telepathic.

As for if it hurt, her mother could’ve been gushing blood and passed out or the nurse and her could’ve been having a quick bevvie, the DD wouldn’t have had a fucking clue because again there was a curtain in the way.

Calm down love,it's only a smear test. Presuming her mum and the nurse aren't mutes and /or the child deaf,do you really think that the kid has to be peering into up her mother's cervix or staring into her face to get the general gist of what's going on.How do you think visually impaired people make sense of the world if that's the case? And anyway if she came out of there having seen or learned nothing what the fuck are you getting your knickers in a twist about? The child ASKED to go ffs,she was not forced. To refuse her would have made it seem that the procedure is worse than it is. I do not understand why you don't understand that.

PurpleDaisies

"In 13years time, screening smear tests could well be a thing of the past."

I thought they were just going to do them less frequently not remove them altogether.

NutElla5x

You’ve clearly not read my earlier posts. I even mentioned about the child not having her head in her mothers cervix but that being the bed head end was a fine idea.

Do you really think the nurse did a play by play for the DD behind the curtain?
‘Right now I am pealing your mothers knees apart, now I am slowly inserting a metal tube called a plectrum etc etc’ I think not so what did the DD actually learn?

Let’s take this slower for you.

DD was behind a curtain so what did she see?

Unless the nurse was giving a play by play what do you think she thought was happening? (I would imagine your answer to this is she didn’t fucking now what was happening as she couldn’t see fuck all and no nurse in their right mind will give a running commentary on a smear test)

Unless her mother was screaming on agony how do you think the DD learnt the most of the time they don’t hurt? (If it’s because her mother told her then why did she need to be there in the first place?)

The DD sitting behind a curtain in a nurses office accomplished nothing.

What was the difference with the DD sitting behind a curtain in the room or sitting in reception waiting?

If the idea is to de-mistify the whole thing then she needs to be able to see what happens, surely you can understand that? Whether watching the procedure on YouTube or being in the same room when the procedure happens.

She obviously doesn’t have to be at the actual business end.

Having been to an internal examination when I was about the same age. I'd say no

(I haven't read the threa, so it may already of happened!).

If she wants to go why not let her?

Some DCs have an interest in medicine and anatomy, some are just curious about medical procedures they will have in the future, some just want to support their parents, etc. I can't see why they type of procedure matters. My 4yo wanted to watch every time we cleaned by 7yos pins on her frame, why is that any different? Only because we think that women should be modest, that female bodies should be covered, that female reproductive matters are embarrassing, etc.

I thought they were just going to do them less frequently not remove them altogether.

A decision hasn't been made. It would depend on benefits/cost which aren't clear yet etc.

Thank you but you don't need to take anything slower for me Bobbybear10 as I'm not completely stupid despite your snidey implication. You're clearly getting highly irate so I think we should just agree to differ before you have a stroke. Adios.

I think letting her be in the room with you risks having the opposite effect. When I took DS to dental appointments and let him watch my check-up before he had his he would refuse to get in the chair. If he went first he was fine. It didn't matter how fine with it I looked, watching me experience it really put him off.

I really think just knowing that you happily go for regular checks and don't consider it a big deal is probably enough

I think letting her be in the room with you risks having the opposite effect. When I took DS to dental appointments and let him watch my check-up before he had his he would refuse to get in the chair.

The same thing happened with me and according to the dentist, not uncommon. It depends on the person, but the assumption that the more people know about smears, the more likely they are to have them is quite possibly not correct. It could easily be the other way around. Cervical screening is higher among older women who were perhaps never given information about cervical smears (I certainly wasn't at school or by my mother anyway) than it is among younger women.

This thread makes for unusual reading!

Dungeondragon15 thank you. Do you know of any consultation on this? The HPV jab has only been around few years so generation of work will still need smears.

Dungeondragon15 thank you. Do you know of any consultation on this? The HPV jab has only been around few years so generation of work will still need smears.

A new HPV vaccine is being introduced this year which will be more protective. A 12 year old will be eligible to receive this and although that doesn't guarantee no cervical smear in the future I wouldn't be at all surprised if they decide in the future that the money spent on screening could be better used else where. If they did keep screening they could start at an older age and the whole process could be quite different than it is now.

The National cervical screening programme wasn't introduced fully until 1988. So anyone over the age of 50 would not have been educated about it at school. However uptake is high because there was a lot of concern about rising cervical cancer rates in this age group - this is why the programme was introduced. They were also easily reached as they were having and raising children and therefore interacting with the NHS. Targeting the mothers was also a good way to reach the daughters in the next generation.

I know this is a bit late for OP but I think this is quite a good idea - in fact, demonstrating anything to do with getting proper medical check ups/normalising it is a good thing IMHO. the DD doesn't have to be in the same room but treating it as a standard, non-scary appointment and showing support to someone who's attending a medical appointment is surely a good thing.

The National cervical screening programme wasn't introduced fully until 1988. So anyone over the age of 50 would not have been educated about it at school. However uptake is high because there was a lot of concern about rising cervical cancer rates in this age group - this is why the programme was introduced.

I didn't know anything about concerns about rising rates of cervical cancer either.

They were also easily reached as they were having and raising children and therefore interacting with the NHS. Targeting the mothers was also a good way to reach the daughters in the next generation.

Not sure what you mean by this. Why would women be easier to reach in the 80s than they are now?

At 13 my daughter was present when I very rapidly gave birth. She thought I made a lot of noise! I thought a cow was groaning outside but it seems that it was me!

In the 1960s a young woman agreed to have her smear test filmed to encourage others to have them. There were lots of shocked comments in the media but her courage must have saved many lives. I don’t mean physical courage but facing up to the media criticism.

This is a good round up of the development of the system, where it is now and where it is heading for anyone interested.

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/cncy.20203

I think it's great that she wants to come, and don't understand why people are freaking out about it? As the OP said it's not like shes going to be at the end of the bed. By coming along she'll see how quick and simple it is and hopefully won't be too nervous to face this type of thing when she is older. It is so importing that woman get smear tests, so many are too scared or embarrassed to.

Sorry trying to be concise and failing. More of a 2 birds with one stone argument in relation to the mothers of the 80s being the target but also the best placed to pass the message down.

I was a teenager in the 80s. The school sex ed was heavy handed AIDs, STDs and unwanted pregnancy information. Quite surprised we all went on to be sexually active at all after that.

Sorry trying to be concise and failing. More of a 2 birds with one stone argument in relation to the mothers of the 80s being the target but also the best placed to pass the message down.

I think that they targeted everyone who was sexually active of whatever age. I and friends of mine had their first smear at 16 when visiting their GP or family planning clinic for contraception. Everyone I knew had had a smear by the age of 18 or 19! So it wasn't really a case of mothers passing the message down and definitely not the case that people were making informed decisions as they would do nowadays. We just didn't know that we had a choice as that wasn't how it was presented.

Dungeondragon15 "I wouldn't be at all surprised if they decide in the future that the money spent on screening could be better used else where."

Where would it be better used? Do you mean if np one got cervical cancer and it ever needed to be detrvyrd again?

I would predict that the nurse will welcome her with open arms, answer any questions and help her to see that it's as normal as going to the dentist.
Great parenting. Great life skills. Great exposure (poor word choice!!!) to prospective careers. Great mum daughter time, especially if you can throw in a coffee afterwards.

www.cancerresearchuk.org/health-professional/cancer-statistics/statistics-by-cancer-type/cervical-cancer

Unless cervical cancer is wiped out I cannot see how we can stop testing women. And I cannot see that that money should be allocated elsewhere.