To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

[Toomanychefs]

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

If I had tagged along with my DM, aged 12, I think it would have been very weird indeed.

And, thinking about it, will it not lead to difficult questions- what are they looking for, what happens if the result is abnormal etc.
Could put a lot of worries about your health into her mind.

What a weird thread. 😂

A smear test isn't "another procedure", it's a vaginal swab.

I didn't say a smear test is "another procedure".

@Toomanychefs I absolutely can't see a problem with it, if it does help her to see how important going for a smear is and that there really isn't any need to be embarrassed then it will do more good than harm!
Good on you

I really don’t see the big deal. It demystifies something that a lot of women are unnecessarily fearful of (I know I was when I was young). I think it’s a great idea. I wouldn’t even see a problem with her watching the details of it if you all felt comfortable about it.

t is good to teach your dd about the importance of having smears but inappropriate to have her present in the room when you are having your own smear done

Why?

OP was it your choice or hers for her to stay the other other side of the curtain? That seems a little bit odd to me. What did she feel she got out of going?

I think it's great, and a good example to set for her to show that smear tests are important!

When I was younger I didn't know much about smear tests and imagined the worst! This will help her see that they're no big deal :)

Dd is coming up 12 and has been with me to all my smear tests. She sits in the room behind the curtain but is fully aware of what's being done. When she was small she used to get smarties of the nurse for being good. I didn't!
Why wouldn't you show your daughter it's nothing to worry about?

Rowgtfc do you deliberately make the appointments outside school hours?

One of my teenage DDs happily uses tampons while the other one is too squeamish. Neither asked for or wanted a demonstration. I asked them earlier if they fancied coming along to my next smear and they looked at me as only a teenage girl can do - I almost withered on the spot.

I asked DS2 (17) and it's a no from him.

I despair of some people, I really do.

Glad it went well OP.

This is a great idea OP - it's great that your daughter is showing an interest. The experience (and i fail to see why it's such a 'big deal' to others on the thread - what century are we in??) will be useful to her at this age and may help her support/encourage female friends in the future.

I hope you ignore the negative/shocked comments.

What a brilliant idea and it sounds like you and your daughter have a lovely relationship. I don't even speak to my mum about that stuff now!

I lost one friend at 30 to cervical cancer and another (31) is a year in remission and i believe any education that can help to prevent even one person going through that then it's got to be worth it. Plus she'll tell her friends and they will tell theirs, all helping to communicate the message that it's fine and not a big deal. There's a piece in this week's Grazia with a lady who didn't ever have a smear as she was scared it would hurt and she sadly got cervical cancer. Imagine if she knew how straightforward a smear actually is and had just gone to the doctor. Good luck with it all xxxx

Totally agree that showing your dd that you arent scared/that it is a simple test/potentially life saving is a good idea. I teach RSHE to Year 10 and discuss smear tests and prostate exams with the pupils. I show them how a speculum works to open the vagina (using my hands to model the vagina!) And talk them through the entire process. Same for the prostate exam. By 2020, this information will be statutory in schools so all young people across the country will learn about this and other medical exams. It is vitally important we educate our kids.

Why do you know that his ex doesn’t have smear tests? That’s really weird and irrelevant to this since your DD isn’t your stepdaughter so his ex wife’s opinion has no bearing on anything .

And no, I wouldn’t take my DD’s along just to make a point.

I am a man (and have no daughters) and would never go to witness one, but for the OPs daughter to go along at her request with her mum were I to be her dad would be something I would not object to. I might suggest not having a direct view, but otherwise it would normalise a potentially life saving test.

Wow people are being dicks about this. If she wants to go and you are comfortable taking her then it won’t ‘ruin her childhood’ to see it done and know that it’s not a huge deal. I think it’s great that you can talk to her about it, I didn’t even know what a period was at her age... bit of a shock when it started tbh.

I’ve always booked my smear tests and other intimate procedures for when my children were at school. Does your 8 year old DS not go to school,

Not in the middle of a 7 week school holiday, no, @FamilyOfAliens. Why should I have to put off my smear for a mobth then have to take a day off work (because I commute to work in London so couldn't pop out on my lunch break to have it done, nor does my role allow home working due to confidentiality) when I could easily slot it into our day when we went out to get last minute bits for our holiday the following day?

Like I said, it's not as if he stood and watched.

He's 12 now by the way, and safe to be left in the waiting room with his phone if I have to take him anywhere. So it's moot anyway.

I don't see why she shouldn't. Like you say it stops the process being a mystery/worry. She doesn't need to be at the 'action'end of things but would see the speculum/routine. I usually end up having a laugh & joke with the nurse at mine. 4 kids so have spent a lot of time with people peering into my vag I had an abnormal smear many years ago (all ok now) and am talking my daughter through the same thing.
I have a friend who has never had one & i really can't understand why!

Also meant to add that i never object to students attending either

Can't she wait outside. I'd not have wanted this with my dds

I think waiting outside is fine.

Mum goes in and five minutes later comes out. The end. No drama.

Smear tests are at a 20 year low. If she wants to come and your comfortable with it then I really think it's a great idea. Your showing her it's not scary, painful etc. Your being open and the world needs more openness with these types of things.