To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

[Toomanychefs]

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

FFS. What next.

not RTFT but what weird responses. Of course it's fine if she's asked to come. It's good that she sees it's a pretty brief, boring and undramatic occasion, not something to be scared of. Sorry OP if you've been totally flamed for 9 pages.

Omg.why the uproar? ....
If say take her op. She asked so why not. You're teaching her a important lesson and being in the room with you she will see it's no big deal and will know what to expect when the time does come for her. Good for you two being so open

Definitely let her go with you! If she’s interested it’s good - especially in the circumstances. It’ll show her what to expect when it’s time for hers and that there’s nothing too it!

@gluteustothemaximus Thu 24-Jan-19 00:46:16
I think it’s great. I’m wondering about if/when to take my DD too but she’s just 8. We chat openly about periods, smear tests, checking your body for lumps etc. She’s the one who asked, you’re not making her go. I’d say a good idea.

This.

I think its a great idea. Let her come in and see that its nothing to be scared of and a matter of fact procedure. Just like a dentist or any other check up. Its so important to have them done, everyone should do this really!

For anyone new to the thread it's all done and dusted.

Whydontyoucomeonover not a bizarre comment at all. I have a 17 year old DD. She was seriously ill over the summer requiring numerous doctors' appointments, emergency admission to hospital twice and an operation. She wanted me there all the time. However I had to make a judgement call on whether she would be more open and honest with the doctors if I wasn't there than if I was and so did they. They also made it very clear that it had to be her rather than me giving consent.

I also had to deal with seeing doctors do some things to my DD I would rather not have seen. In the reverse situation I would not have inflicted this on my 17 year old and would not even consider it for a 12 year old. There is a big difference between 12 and 25 when the DD in this case will first have to consider smear tests. It is also highly likely that HPV first testing will have largely taken over from smears for routine testing by then in any case.

Good for you OP and great that your daughter is so open minded. I think it's fantastic that she went with you and the nurse supported this decision. So many threads on here along the lines of 'I have never had a smear and I'm terrified' - what better way to counteract this than encouraging your daughter to take an interest at a young age. Hopefully she tells all her friends that it was a painless and quick procedure and that they all go on to have regular smears when the time comes.

It is good to teach your dd about the importance of having smears but inappropriate to have her present in the room when you are having your own smear done. The nurse may ask her to wait out in the waiting area for you.

I would absolutely let her come. She’s 12, she’s curious about her own body and what she needs to do to take care of it. There’s nothing shameful or secret about having a smear. She’s your daughter, not some random child off the street.

Its the first time Ive posted. Its a human body. To me its no different to dentist or jabs. Just checking you are healthy. just a different part of the body?

I would take her. Head end of the bed, obviously!

There is a big difference between 12 and 25 when the DD in this case will first have to consider smear tests. It is also highly likely that HPV first testing will have largely taken over from smears for routine testing by then in any case.

Exactly. Anyone would think that the DD will need a smear next year when in fact it isn't for another 13 years and she may never need one anyway.

Maybe she could open the results envelope too.

YANBU
The DD has asked to go, it's not like the OP is forcing her and she has no interest.
It will show her that going for a smear test is nothing to worry about.
Not sure how keen I'd be about them peering in where the nurse is but just being in the room and showing it's quick and (from my experience) painless will be a good example to set.

NOT allowing her to go when she's asked would be damaging.

Why? She could just say that she can witness it when she is a bit older. She has about 13 years to "witness" it afterall

Because the child will be reading all sorts into why she is not allowed,when there is absolutely no reason at all.

See I think it’s fine as long as DD asked and it was in no way suggested by yourself.

I’m a bit confused what the point was if she was going to stand behind the curtain though?

Either you are taking her to show her what happens and that it’s all cool in which case surely she needs to be at the head end of bed actually seeing what happens?
Or she might as well have just stayed in the reception.
What did she actually learn from the experience other than you went for a smear, you both walked into the nurses room then she sat behind a curtain for 5/10 mins.

Unless your DD was actually viewing what went on (I’m not talking head in cervix) then was it not just a bit of virtue signalling ‘look how sensible and cool I am showing my DD I have a smear test, oh but don’t actually see what goes on at a smear DD, we don’t actually want to go that far’ But I suppose if DD is happy and less worried when it’s her time then that’s only a good thing.

Could be completely different test in 13 years time.

Ah I see you ignored all the pompous hysterics on here and took her along with you op. Great parenting,well done.

@Sparklinbrook, so very true.

Her daughter learned that there was nothing to fear Bobbybear, I don't think it was intended as a biology lesson.

Well apparently the OP's DD wanted to go to see what being a nurse was like so I'm not quite sure what she learnt from seeing her DM and a nurse go behind a curtain and then come out 5 mins later.

She probably wants to know that it doesn't hurt as most girls are concerned about that. As lost as she's not at the business end I don't see a problem.

The nurse can explain what she's doing.

Glad it went well OP, FWIW I was in the “take her” camp and see no reason why she shouldn’t go if she asked to, especially with an interest in nursing.

I wouldn't because in a way I wouldn't want my young DD to know the realities of the test yet.
Maybe in a couple of years?
She is so young and maybe for now just talk about the importance of being responsible and have regular health checks?