Social services..

[CandyCreeper]

Posted recently about my sons school referring me to SS. I had a phone call this evening at 6pm on my landline from what appears to be the LA phone number. Im taking it its social services? (not expecting anything else) but aibu in thinking it is an odd time to call? I missed it as have been in bed with flu this also means my house isnt at its best because im ill, can/will they turned up unannounced??

pooley totally agree OP should look up her LA criteria or ask for a copy of it when she speaks to SW.

With regards to medical ‘records’ I agree with poster who said this was misleading. It sounds like they can get a copy of your whole GP records.

In my experience this not the case. They write to GP with certain questions and your GP replies. For example if you have any record of drug or alcohol abuse or anything else which could affect your parenting. They do similar for the child ie reasons your child has been taken to your GP.

They ask your consent first. However, i was told by SW if you refuse they can do it without your consent, as it is safeguarding in allegation cases.

That was my other child 😂😂😂 so they know kids lie and it was 3 years ago, wow detective! it was proven that it was his brother I had people there when it happened. And my carpet has been ripped up as im redecorating. 😂😂 they are laying it on friday im replacing ALL carpets eventually, I even said im redecorating on the thread. Too much time on your hands. Thanks to those who did comment but I wont be posting again. It was 5 days ago and I havent been contacted its obviously low down on there list.

You say it was 3 years ago but you only posted it in November. You say it was his brother. But then you say it's your daughter your talking about and you did the scratch. Something doesn't add up.

What an idiot 😂😂😂 the post you quoted isnt me!! I commented on ANOTHER posters thread in november im am not that op, if you really clearly, I said a similar thing happened to me, And it was 3 years ago! I never said when it happened I commented on someone ELSES post in november!! atleast get your facts straight. Know the wonder people fear SS when someone puts 2 and 2 together and makes 10!! Twisting things and outright lying, that op ISNT me!! so I didnt say it was my daughter you are getting yourself mixed you silly fool. See how easy mistakes happen people?? when people dont bother to read properly. She is quoting someone else and saying its me. SS will be gone I know that for a fact so go and get a hobby 😂

Op you aren't really painting yourself in a good light here.

I cant believe you actually have quoted another poster whose thread I replied to saying its me and saying I did admit to it. Read properly.Thats not even my user name its a completely different poster. You are proof that mistakes happen. Thank god you’re not the SW hey!

Im not putting myself in a good light? yawn. Are you actually telling me you cant see that this poster has quoted someone else and said its me? “admitting to it”

CanyCreeper, it might be an idea to step away from this thread. You've had some good advice, including from an actual social worker. The rest is just people trying to create drama out of nothing, it doesn't help you.

Hide the thread and move on.

Agree with Saskia

Good luck, OP. I'm sure everything will be fine.

Totally agree. Time to step away now. And think about how you come across.

OP this is the internet, we have no idea of what actually happened or what SS have been told happened. I get that you are defensive, it’s scary having allegations made and SS involvement.

If it was SS who phoned, they will be in contact again. If this is the only allegation ever made, I doubt they will be hammering at your door. However, they won’t just disappear and will want to talk to you.

If they make an appointment to come to your house. Keep it. In my experience they do not ‘snoop’. They wanted to see ds’s bedroom, that was it. They commented in their report how many bedrooms I had, whether ds had his own room and that my house was well furnished and maintained to a high standard. I mention this as they obviously took note.

You’re both right, thank you. I will.

I apologise OP when the other poster posted the link I thought I was you. I'm sorry I hope you get it sorted out.

Time to step away now. And think about how you come across.

I agree.

OP, do you think you might need some help managing your children's behaviour?

I'm not for a second accusing you of being a bad parent. I don't know you or your kids so I'm not in a position to judge however from what you've written on the thread your kids appear to fight physically a lot and you can't always manage it without physically separating them. I'm not entirely sure that's all too normal, is it? Then again I only have two kids and they get on well so what do I know?

I feel like parenting classes might benefit you.

Op, you seem to be suffering mentally and physically, flu, chesty cough, headache, d and v, anxiety, that all takes its toll with four kids, and on top of that your child or children claiming physical abuse and a referral to social services.

They are there to help and protect. Instead of clamming up and trying to get rid, which will make them suspicious, why not be open and honest. If you've nothing to hide, then there is no concern.

CandyCreeper, the first comment to the other poster was you. I’ve attached a picture of the comment, the link (again) and I’ll quote it again.

You said that your DS had accused you of wounding him before and that SS had been called. So this is the second time you’ve been reported to SS because one of your children has made an allegation of violence against you.

I’m a bit at a loss how you could apparently forget being reported to SS for violence before.

This exact thing happened to me! almost word for word, my son had a scratch just above his eye, for some reason he told them it was me, it actually wasnt it was his younger brother (and it was witnessed by a few people) they examined him, even including taking his trousers down! and called ss

I would ask ss to refer you for parenting classes if your children are constantly fighting as you say.

Two allegations of physical abuse from your children over a period of 3 years is a worry.

What an idiot 😂😂😂 the post you quoted isnt me!! I commented on ANOTHER posters thread in november im am not that op, if you really clearly, I said a similar thing happened to me, And it was 3 years ago! I never said when it happened I commented on someone ELSES post in november!!

It might not have been in November, but you have definitely been reported to social services for violence towards your kids before.

I stand by my comments, I really don’t think it’s wise or morally defensible for posters to be offering advice on how to get rid of social services or obstruct their investigation to someone facing a second investigation of violence from their children of violence.

I don’t know if you’re telling your truth or if your children are. But if your children are telling the truth, it would be extremely sad if social workers were unable to get to the bottom of what was happening quickly because some MN posters had misguidedly given you the tolls to frustrate and slow down their investigation.

I don’t know if you’re telling your truth or if your children are. But if your children are telling the truth, it would be extremely sad if social workers were unable to get to the bottom of what was happening quickly because some MN posters had misguidedly given you the tolls to frustrate and slow down their investigation.

Agree with this

My DD did this when she was four. She told breakfast club staff I was ‘hitting her around the head hard’ . I’d never laid a finger on her, nobody had so I honestly couldn’t tell you where she got it from. She’s always been a bit of a ‘jackanory’ as my DM used to call me . Anyway, the staff pulled me to one side to question me about it and it was extremely mortifying and upsetting. I cried all the way to work. They thankfully believed me though, I don’t know how I’d have coped had they involved SS.

My MIL is a SW and she has regaled some horrendous tales to us over the years. Horrible neglect and abuse you wouldn’t even wish on a dog never mind a child. I wouldn’t worry too much about some normal household mess. They’re only bothered about unhygienic filth or inadequate beds, no food etc.

I don’t know if you’re telling your truth or if your children are. But if your children are telling the truth, it would be extremely sad if social workers were unable to get to the bottom of what was happening quickly because some MN posters had misguidedly given you the tolls to frustrate and slow down their investigation

I also agree with this, to quote mumsnet hq, you don't know who anyone is on the Internet. But more than that, if there is nothing to hide, then why hide? Why try to get rid of them as quickly as possible and plan to tell them as little as possible. If nothing is wrong they will be able to see that.

I stand by my comments, I really don’t think it’s wise or morally defensible for posters to be offering advice on how to get rid of social services or obstruct their investigation to someone facing a second investigation of violence from their children of violence.

I agree.

I would definitely clean up as other posters have said as they judge you on your house, well that’s part of it, and yes they can call by unannounced!

Didn’t you know that the SS are above the law and think they can do absolutely anything?!

I’ve had bad experiences with them and mines would schedule appointments with me at 2.30 and then she’d come round at 2.10 and if I wasn’t in then that was a black mark against my name, how unfair is that?!

I don’t have a great opinion of them and I’m of the opinion that when they are with parents then both parties have a right to record the meetings because imo, a lot of what a SS says about you is based solely on their opinions of you and not always what is true of you, that’s the scary part.

My youngest did it constantly throughout primary school. She discovered they had biscuits, tea and sugar in the staff room and if she was upset she got to go to the staff room for sugary tea and biscuits. Once she learned that, she was there on a weekly basis. She was starved, scratched, pepper sprayed, forced to sleep on the floor, forced to babysit her youngest sister while I went to work and on and on.

Me and the Team Around the Parent department (pre-social services intervention) were on first name terms for a while. By year 5 they cottoned onto her trick and advised the school to stop giving her biscuits whenever she complained about her home life. Other than a referral to CAHMS for DD (which went no-where as she literally just wanted biscuits) nothing came of it. They'd ring me, talk to me and occasionally call out to talk with us. It was all very friendly and informal. I never felt threatened or intruded upon. In fact they were quite helpful in dealing with housing issues and helping me secure funding for college.

Kids telling fibs and crying 'mummy did it' whenever they have a scrape is quite normal, I think. I'm not so sure excessive physical violence between siblings is so normal. My advice to OP would be engage with them. They're not out to get you and might prove helpful as they did in my case.

I know this is not a laughing matter but I did just LOL at @Frequency's DD's determination to get biscuits!