Social services..

[CandyCreeper]

Posted recently about my sons school referring me to SS. I had a phone call this evening at 6pm on my landline from what appears to be the LA phone number. Im taking it its social services? (not expecting anything else) but aibu in thinking it is an odd time to call? I missed it as have been in bed with flu this also means my house isnt at its best because im ill, can/will they turned up unannounced??

[JoshTylerHarley17102]

Thanks for the advice guysx I will do that

[Thingsdogetbetter]

@joshtylerharley17102. If you post in an old thread, you're unlike to get responses. People look at the date of the first post and generally ignore old ones.

You need to start a new thread.

[gobbynorthernbird]

@JoshTylerHarley17102 you need to start your own thread as your question may be missed on this one.

[JoshTylerHarley17102]

Please help. My children's social worker is forcing me to allow my 11 Yr old to visit his grandma whom he has always had a good relationship with but has not seen since covid 19 as she lives with her daughter who is an NHS worker. I have isolated me and my children very safely from the beginning but feel like I can't say no as my social worker is quite pushy and I don't want her to think I'm being awkward. Can I refuse as he will see her when covid 19 is less of a threat?..... All and any advice is sooo welcome.

[Adam3322]

Hi first time poster, just wanted to agree with what i have seen about the clean house topic, ive had social involved now for 5 months regarding my daughter and they honestly would rather see toys all over the place than a spotless home. As long as there are suitable sleeping arrangements and there isnt rubbish iver the floor etc and ita safe thats all they want to see. Wouldnt worry too much but depends on your social worker

[DontDribbleOnTheCarpet]

Due to the experience I had, I would refuse to meet with a SW unless the meeting was recorded. Purely because the SW stated as fact that I said things which I hadn't (and never would because they were not true and certainly not opinions I have ever held). Unfortunately although she was made to apologize for the things I could prove (insisting that my baby died after birth when she was stillborn and refusing to correct the error when shown proof, among other things), there were a lot of other things which came down to my word against hers.


Obviously I would seek agreement from everyone at the meeting and the recordings would probably never even be played back, but I would want to have the ability to prove that lies had been told, if that should happen again.

[Oratorio]

I wouldn’t make recordings myself, for the reasons Poster gives, aside from possibly meetings which require minuting, but then I’d likely not have time to listen back to it anyway. Child protection conferences are recorded as standard in my previous LA.
However it doesn’t worry me particularly if parents wish to make audio recordings during visits.

[PregnantSea]

Yes, they can just show up unannounced, and if they can't get hold of you on the phone they will probably will.

As others have said though I wouldn't worry about a few days of mess because you've been ill. It's easy to tell the difference between a mum who has been ill for a few days and a completely neglected house.

If I was you I would still tidy up but that's just me being a bit neurotic....

[Claw001]

Poster could it help when interviewing a child alone?

Or when interviewing a parent alone?

[Posterbook]

@Eliza9917
I can type at 60wpm. You don't know what you're talking about. Listening to audio recording is not the same as typing ability as, much as I'd like to speed people up, they wouldn't talk as fast as I type. Audio recording (outside of a proper studio set up, which it always would be) is hard to decipher and requires rewinds and repeats, hence the time. Also I worked a 70hr week and you think I should work more to get involved in a he said she said argument?

Keep keyboard warrioring, we've all got our part to play somewhere.

Fwiw I can't think of any scenario where I've removed a child and an audio record of a meeting would have made a blind jot of difference. Audio records dont account for a child left unsupervised, for a baby being shaken, for a toddler in the sole care of adults high on crack, for a child witnessing mum being battered or a child who has been sexually assaulted. Child protection conferences are minutes by an independent minute taker, as are legal meetings, as are court processes. What exactly do you think is missing?


@Op I've not seen any updates but hope you and kids are doing ok.

[Pinkcat1]

Hi,

Yes SS can call at that time but unless it is a serious allegation and they feel there is an urgent need to see the child they rarely turn up out of the blue prior to calling.
Hope this helps

[EmeraldShamrock]

Did they arrive yet OP. The fact that has been a few days shows they don't think your DC are in immediate danger. I hope it works out for you.
I don't know what I would do if my DC said similar and I had to go though the motions.

[pinkeey]

imacliche I probably sound quite negative and I don't mean to.

It is just that anyone who has a potential impact on my family I am very wary of.

I think some of this is because I am an immigrant and you don't need to read too much in the papers to know that often we are not welcomed or wanted and the home office have wide ranging powers that can change a family set up dramatically (windrush). I guess I always feel I need to prove my existence here and make sure I contribute (especially post Brexit).

That said just like say someone who is teaching my child football or a teacher then I actually do my research as I want to ensure they are safe and not at risk.

In my case it was all resolved and maybe it was evident that my husband was not violent, he is an extremely calm person and I think I have only seen him shout at the kids 6 times. But he does have charisma.

It was interesting though that some of our actions (such as the gifts to staff) were perceived as us trying to cover something up by some staff).

So like I said in my case if every getting a visit from a social worker the house would be tidy, I would try ensure the kids were as calm as kids could be and I would have a witness, record it and try have any concerns explained but I wouldn't necessarily try to add anything new into the mix.

[pinkeey]

Also in my case (where my son at nursery alleged that he was hit by his dad - but then also said the same of a Male nursery worker so it was dropped) another thing that we did wrong (in hindsight) was we used to be very generous with the staff.

We both worked full time we didn't have family and so we were so grateful of the excellent carers so we used to prioritise them for Christmas and end of year gifts.
I am a pretty generous person and like to give gifts to show appreciation.


Apparently this looked like we were trying to buy them off from any concerns.
I only found this out much later I used one of the staff members as a baby sitter for my children.

Anyhow it certainly made me think.

What you might be doing may be viewed completely differently.

Also something which really concerned me at the time of the allegations was how do we prove it wasn't correct.

I mean we didn't want to try influence our son.

Also we were both so busy working that any spare time was spent on our children and we were not particularly social at that time in our life, firstly as couldn't afford it and secondly family was really treasured.

To be honest with the op should be truthful but again I don't know about being open.

I am afraid I would see the social worker as someone who obviously needs to do their job and I would be truthful but I would also try to manage the situation so any concerns are dealt with.

As such I would not offer any medical history unless it really was relevant.

I would not be defensive but again obviously a social worker can hold power so I would be wary of that.

[pinkeey]

Thanks for your response applesaregreenandred

[grinchypants]

If I were in your situation OP I wouldn't hide anything from SS, I'd let them in, I'd return their calls and engage as much as possible.

I can't see how you could possibly think you are protecting yourself or your children by not doing this. It will all go against you

[Bumblebee39]

@Claw001

The same purpose as having notes. To record and review what was said. Not everybody can write notes.

[Imacliche]

My social worker will be coming round to do a statement of needs and an ehcp for my sen child. They then put you in touch with people and assist the family. With a sen child or child with disabilities social services ive been told are the key to unlocking many avenues of help. Dont understand why people just assume the worst. My children are not at risk ans social isnt involved for that reason. I have self referred for the services they offer. Health and social services.

[Applesaregreenandred]

@pinkeey This may differ from area to area but - what help a family will get from social services depends on the individual need if a family and the level if concern. So for example if there is a low level of concern but they think that a family could do with some help around parenting such as strategies for managing the children's behaviour without resorting to snacking / shouting at the child, or if they need help with routines such as a regular bedtime, mealtimes, or perhaps budgeting or checking they are getting all benefits they are entitled to - they might sign this family to 'family support' which may be through a family support worker at a school, a children's centre or employed by the local authority or charitable organisation such as Barnardo's. This support may be organised as an 'Early help' package or a CAF and there won't be social worker involvement. It is up to the family if they accept this help.

If the level of concern is higher the social worker will do an assessment of need and bat out together a Child in Need plan which will bring together support offered through the social worker, school, health visitor and any other organisation dependant on the family's need. The social worker will monitor this and there will be meetings between every body involved approx 6 - 8 weeks to see how things are going and if the family still needs support.

If they are really concerned such as if there appears to be a high level of neglect or police call outs to a violent situation between parents which the children have witnessed, the social worker will then ask for a child protection conference which will be attended by representatives from school, health visitor, school nurse and police . If they agree that a child protection plan is needed then the family have to legally work with this and this is when the social worker will do unannounced visits to monitor. The social worker will involve any other agencies needed dependant on the needs of the family e.g. They may require parents to get support for an alcohol or drugs problem. Social services will only request to go to court if after several months the parents are not making any effort to do what is asked. At the point that they do this they will look to see if there are any other family members can look after the children (thus can be short or long term) as local authority care is seen as a very last resort.

The thresholds around the different levels of concern are likely to be different in different areas. To some extent it will depend on the judgement of the individual social worker but as you get into more serious concerns they will involve the opinions of other agencies working with a family and their manager.

[pinkeey]

Sorry and one other think the social workers who help I don't see how hey can actually help if they are underfunded and overworked but I guess what they do is refer people to organisations that can help?

I take it that they are information gatherers who pass on and give advice ? Is that correct?

[pinkeey]

And I guess my whole concern with social services is that they can lead to family court and family court means secrecy and not transparency.

I have no concerns with my children but I do know that people are human - social workers lawyers judges etc can all make mistakes and really what concerns me if that mistakes can be made and clouded in secrecy it can be difficult to ensure if you are that one person wrongly accused then it can be an uphill battle.

Anyhow this thread has been interesting for hearing the perspective of social workers.

[pinkeey]

Sorry just to add if I was a sw I would definitely record - and yes much quicker to do meeting notes from audio and surely touch typing is a must for such a role ... but I have missed the point of the thread.

If I was getting investigated I would:

Make sure the house was spic and span. Much like I like having the house ready for visitors.

Make sure fridge was full.

Make sure Kids were bathed and in pjs reading or doing some quiet crafts - just like I would if I had a visitor at night.

Make sure they had been fed.

I would record the conversation

I would have a witness with me

I would be pleasant but if for example I suffered from anxiety I would not at all raise it.

I would be honest but not more open than I felt necessary.

Why? I am sure social workers are just like others, some are good, some are excellent, soon are poor and some will be dreadful.

And then when they left I would listen to the recording with my adult witness and talk though it and then I would relax and be glad it was over.

I would also be quite particular with the school in that I would make sure teeth were cleaned, uniforms ironed and children arrived on time etc because I would never ever want to go through a referral again.

Obviously I would understand that social workers do a very important and powerful job as they can change lives and protect children.

[Claw001]

What would be the purpose of recording, if you cannot share it to prove it was/wasn’t said?

[Bumblebee39]

And they (SS) do have to write up their notes after a meeting. They might not get the time to IRL but it is part of the job

[Bumblebee39]

Parents are allowed to record they're just not allowed to share it. What do you think people do if they can't take notes?