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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Social services..

318 replies

CandyCreeper · 23/01/2019 20:16

Posted recently about my sons school referring me to SS. I had a phone call this evening at 6pm on my landline from what appears to be the LA phone number. Im taking it its social services? (not expecting anything else) but aibu in thinking it is an odd time to call? I missed it as have been in bed with flu this also means my house isnt at its best because im ill, can/will they turned up unannounced??

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 24/01/2019 08:11

Op if you've done nothing wrong like you say then stop acting so defensive and evasive. Just be open and honest and it will be fine.

ReaganSomerset · 24/01/2019 08:24

@BoatyMcBoatFace2

Depends entirely on where you are. In some local authorities it will get you a visit SS. In others the threshold for ss referral is stupidly high IME and while it will be reported by school, SS will bounce it back to their safeguarding officer to deal with. It depends on how stretched they are locally.

angieloumc · 24/01/2019 08:43

Boaty if what you say about your FIL is true, he's been really unprofessional and should be ashamed of himself discussing cases like that.

CandyCreeper · 24/01/2019 08:53

Evasive? last night was the first time ive been contacted.

OP posts:
troubleswillbeoutofsight · 24/01/2019 08:55

In my LA the phone number is always withheld so doesn't show a code.
Also, I'm not suggesting you do it but Social Workers don't have an absolute right to enter your home. If you decide you don't want to invite them in that is your choice.
What I'd suggest is to do nothing. Just wait and see. I'm sure it's more likely that they will contact you by phone rather than turn up at your door.

Kittykat93 · 24/01/2019 08:58

Op I meant you sound evasive on here.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 24/01/2019 09:06

OP, I'm not a social worker and I have no personal experience of them, but I think the fact that this report was made last Friday, and you still haven't spoken to anyone suggests they don't see it as a high priority. As the report involved allegations of physical abuse, I think (hope) that if it was seen as genuine and serious they would have visited by now.

nellieellie · 24/01/2019 09:10

OP, try not to worry (easy for me to say). Social workers are well aware that children come out with stuff. You don’t need to phone back. Can’t believe comments to the effect that it looks bad if you can’t be contacted. I’m in the middle of cooking/ helping with homework at 6pm. I wouldn’t answer the phone either. Not picking up one phone call is neither here nor there.
Yes, they can come unannounced, but again, don’t worry about cushion plumping etc (some people are unbelievable). Normal household chaos is fine and to be expected with young children. Hygiene issues - filth, dog poo on carpets, blocked toilets would be cause for concern, but toys everywhere (pref not on, or at top of stairs.) and general untidiness is no issue.

Lizzie48 · 24/01/2019 09:19

OP, please don't follow troubles's advice, it will only give them reason to think you have something to hide. I did that once, 2 years ago) when DD2 (then 4) had chicken pox and had had a disturbed night. (I'd reported myself to SS because of being desperate for some help with my PTSD and escalating drinking.) The SW was suspicious of me for some time afterwards, until she saw how serious I was about needing help.

If you don't let them in, they will think there is a problem, when chances are it's just routine at the moment, given that they haven't been in a rush to get in touch.

Itstimeslikethese · 24/01/2019 09:20

In my area I know SS work till 6pm so could be them phoning at end of shift

Lizzie48 · 24/01/2019 09:27

I had been very apologetic and polite and the SW didn't even seem annoyed at the time, so I thought it was okay. I would have backed down if I'd realised how bad it would look later. (She used it in her report as evidence that I wasn't cooperating fully with them.)

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 24/01/2019 09:30

Lizzie I didn't advise op not to let SWs in if you properly read what I've written. Too many people are intimidated by many professionals and I was only giving her the information to empower her. Information is power and op sounds very scared and powerless

marymarkle · 24/01/2019 09:33

The report was made 5 days ago. If they thought your DD was at serious harm surely they would have visited by now. I suspect it is in the pile of - we need to check this out as it has been reported, but unlikely to be anything.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 24/01/2019 09:34

About the medical records, they can ask your doctor for relevant information. They did this for my records and were told there was none. Then they asked a health visitor, who gave them everything (except a lot of the information they gave was wrong because it was gossip and half-remembered nonsense and the SW later refused to correct it because a "professional" had said it so it must be true). They have probably already checked your child's records too.

I'm sure that most social workers are fine, but I got one who lied and caused massive distress. I was fortunate in that the (entirely malicious) report about me didn't mention any kind of abuse, but the SW had clearly made her mind up when she arrived that I had something to hide. I have a letter of apology that the SW was forced to write, but I am left with MH problems which I am simply too afraid to seek help for and I truly don't believe the sense of fear and shame will ever leave me.

Before it happened to me I would have said that people with nothing to hide have nothing to worry about. Now I know better.

There is help available. Try www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/social-services-and-your-family/social-services-and-your-family/ . They have a helpline on 0808 800 2222 .

Lizzie48 · 24/01/2019 09:37

You didn't say it, but she might think she's okay to do that. I'm just clarifying that it may be the case that she doesn't legally have to let a SW in the house, but in practice it looks really bad to refuse.

Littlechocola · 24/01/2019 09:42

Have you called them this morning op?
Might be worth it just to put your mind at rest.
They are there to help you and your family.

Muddledupme · 24/01/2019 09:47

My friends son told the school he was locked in the garden shed every time his mum was cross with him. Obviously this triggered a social services referral. They lived in a ninth floor flat and didn't have so much as a bin cupboard so the social workers visit was very brief.

CandyCreeper · 24/01/2019 10:01

Theyve already checked my childs records?? thought they asked permission? my sons rarely ill so we barely visit the drs.

OP posts:
BejamNostalgia · 24/01/2019 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lizzie48 · 24/01/2019 10:11

They never checked my medical records. They may well have asked for information that was relevant and been told there wasn't. I never heard anything to suggest that, though. (They obviously did with our adoption application years before.)

CandyCreeper · 24/01/2019 10:17

That was my other child 😂😂😂 so they know kids lie and it was 3 years ago, wow detective! it was proven that it was his brother I had people there when it happened. And my carpet has been ripped up as im redecorating. 😂😂 they are laying it on friday im replacing ALL carpets eventually, I even said im redecorating on the thread. Too much time on your hands. Thanks to those who did comment but I wont be posting again. It was 5 days ago and I havent been contacted its obviously low down on there list.

OP posts:
CandyCreeper · 24/01/2019 10:21

No carpet on the stairs is not an ss referal especially as my cousin is laying a new one on friday, your determined to “pin” something on me but you’re really clutching at straws.
Ive not smacked any of mine so no smacking isnt routinely used! I said I know family members who smack well pretty much everyone I know smacks, very common in my culture and hey not illegal! You are the reason people fear SS the school and SS are obviously not that concerned hence why they havent visited me yet. Anyway thanks to those that did offer advice but too many detectives on here trying to make a story out of nothing so I wont be back again.

OP posts:
Applesaregreenandred · 24/01/2019 10:46

@CandyCreeper although it is your son's disclosure which is the reason for the referral and the social worker's visit they will ask a few questions and take a quick look around your house as part of their assessment, if they come out.

They need to investigate when a child says these things in order to check out if what the child says is true .

It is probably easier said than done, as it's your life, your privacy, but the best thing you can do is be open and honest with them.

So for example, you have a mental health problem, but you are managing this by counselling tome medication. That would be seen as a plus because you are seeking a solution for your problem so that it doesn't affect your children.

If they do come to your house they will look for a reasonable standard of cleanliness/ tidyness - so no dog poo or black bags of rubbish building up in the kitchen, but there really is no need to get out the polish and plump your cushions. They may do a brief check of your kitchen cupboards to check you have food for your children but they are not expecting kale and quinoa. Just basic stuff , frozen chicken nuggets, chips, beans , a loaf of bread and some milk.

They are allowed to, and quite possibly will, request to see your DC medical records through school nurse/health visitor / GP. They cannot do this for your own medical history although they may ask questions.

Again I appreciate that this is your private life and this may seem an intrusion but please try to respond openly and calmly. I've noticed that your responses to posters on this thread have been very defensive and whilst you may have good reason to feel defensive this may be perceived that you are being difficult. If you are a private person who feels anxious about intrusion , if you let them know to begin with why you are finding the process difficult they are likely to be more understanding.

looktothewesternsky · 24/01/2019 11:03

I agree with a PP that this thread makes me uncomfortable; for no other reason than every time the kids are mentioned they're mentioned in a negative way. Not once has the OP said she just wants her kids to be ok / doesn't matter if SS come as her kids are all good and well looked after. Lots of hand wringing instead.

Lizzie48 · 24/01/2019 11:20

I agree, I find myself feeling uncomfortable reading this thread. Of course SS have to take it seriously if a child makes a disclosure of abuse. They're only doing their job in this instance.