Herpes disclosure..

[LillyLelloMello]

If you were in a relationship with someone and hadn't yet been sexual but were intimate emotionally and romantically and they waited five to six months before casually dropping into the conversation that they had herpes and then dismissed it and your shock/anger by saying it's common and no big deal and also that if you loved them it shouldn't matter how would you feel about them??

@Skyecat thank you for providing some much needed info (including some things I didn't know about transmission and the genesis of the herpes stigma!).

Unfortunately a lot of people just don't want to hear it because they prefer to judge.

Just read about the Golding case [shocked]. Unbelievable and very very frightening!

Skyecat - excellent posts.

The OP's partner is manipulative and probably abusive and is a liar to boot. He has weird sexual hangups that involve children.

She posted for advice on her specific situation but by all means keep patting yourself on the back for your increasingly redundant lectures.

The same thing happened on the last herpes thread. Posters whipped themselves into a frenzy canonizing the guy and egging each other on in chastising the OP over her failures and perceived inadequacies. Pages and pages describing how he was a great person - nay, a better person - because he had herpes and how the OP was completely inferior. After all that they went back out again and he never called her back.

The OP updated the post to explain that they did engage in sexual activity but he had ED. Thus he did lie about having an STD whilst engaging in sexual activity. And she disclosed and all other sorts of problematic behaviors that make the lying about herpes part of a pattern of BADNESS.

Can all the "herpes makes you a saint" advocates bother to read the fecking thread?

vuripadexo made your views about the OPs path forward very clear before you knew about all the other aspects of his character that made him suspect!!!!!!! You didn't wait to hear what kind of person he was at all.

Herpes does not make you a good or bad person, it is a health condition and one that a number posters on the thread seemed woefully ignorant about. Being better informed about a health condition is always a good thing.

no i didn't. i said i didn't disagree with the late disclosure and asked for more info. i then got a ton of negative info.

what i didn't do is start defending all his actions blindly like the pro herpes brigade.

typically if an OP discloses potentially abusive or unsavory partner, posters jump in with advice on abuse, the freedom programme, leaving him. But since he has st. herpes, I guess this poor OP'll be subjected to another 500 lectures on how it's NO BIG DEAL. MAYBE HE'S SHY.

*Everyone who has herpes though seems to be a whiny baby who feels irrationally entitled to sex with other people. You guys keep pretending that you think people have choices but it's interspersed with trying to put pressure on and name call people.

I don't want to date people who feel sexually entitled to others so if contracting herpes makes you feel so ashamed that it lessens your belief in informed consent, I'll happy pass. No herpes AND no sexual entitlement. Win, win.*

That was before you knew anything else about the OPs boyfriend.

Back to the OP, LillyLelloMello - I hope you are ok and you came to a conclusion that you are happy with.

Yeah, everyone who has herpes ON THIS THREAD is a whiny baby with sexual entitlement issues. I'll stand by that too.

note the second line that gives context: You guys keep pretending that you think people have choices but it's interspersed with trying to put pressure on and name call people.

Unless the OP's bf is on the thread he doesn't count, does he?

The OP's boyfriend sounds awful but he actually hasn't whined about being wuuuuvvved despite his herpes so he's actually less annoying than his defenders.

To be fair to OP, she can choose not to have sex with whomever she wants, and not wanting sores on her genitals is as good a reason as any, regardless of the level of actual risk involved.

vuripadexo it isn't often I come across someone so prejudiced. I'm sorry for you that you are so filled with hatred and disgust for a group of people you don't know.

it isn't often I come across someone so prejudiced. I'm sorry for you that you are so filled with hatred and disgust for a group of people you don't know.

is it cold up there on that cross?

what disgust? if you want to pull my previous posts, pull the ones where i stated that i would happily date someone with herpes as long as the person was honest upfront. doesn't fit with the victimhood of your other posts though.

on this thread though i am sick and tired of the name calling and insults against people want STD health disclosure. I am actually disgusted that people are willing to take the side of any stranger with herpes - including abusive ones - because they are so ashamed of their own condition.

You are the one calling names. You are the one being unpleasant about other posters on this thread. I don't have herpes and I've been tested because I was worried I might be a carrier after having had a relationship with someone who did have it and didn't want to unwittingly give it to anyone else BUT in all honesty I'd rather have herpes than think like you.

@vuripadexo

No-one has even mentioned wanting to be loved. What on earth are you rambling about?

So what is your thinking OP?
If it's been months and no sexual intercourse?
ED problems and using Herpes as an excuse not to have sex?
A sexual?
Gay?
Bi?
What other issues are there with his behaviour?

herpes.org.uk

Speak to these folk. They're great. They'll explain that whether you have herpes on the lips or 'down there' it is pretty much interchangeable. One can infect the other. Would you dream of not dating someone who had cold
sores?
And although it is often diagnosed at GUM clinics, it's no longer classed as an STD. It's a skin condition. Albeit one that can be a nuisance

And it sounds like he cocked up royally in telling yiu. But that's hardly surprising given the misinformation and hysteria which surrounds herpes 1 or 2.

Ps
Full disclosure - I don't have genital herpes, but someone close to me does, so I've made it my business to educate myself.

And I know dozens of people who get cold sores, and probably as many who have it genitally but are too scared to disclose to anyone but their partners bc of the obvious flak they'd get

DP told me that he had herpes (facial - but extensive) when he realised we were getting serious. He told me what it meant, how he managed it, and how he got it. We've improved on that over time (he wasn't taking anything for the pain, and only took antivirals during an outbreak)

He certainly didn't minimise it. He takes antivirals continuously, and bumps up the dose if he's under stress, and so has a much reduced outbreak every 5-7 years, instead of the 2-3 year of painful outbreaks he had previously. If he's having an outbreak we're scrupulous about towels and bedding, and he covers it at night.

It's not shameful, but it is a communicable disease, with life-long affects and medication - it's not something to just brush off and dismiss.

15 year later, neither I, or our kids have been infected, because we know how to take precautions and we're realistic about it all.

What's unreasonable here isn't the disclosure, but his reaction to you.

Oh my goodness why is this "person" going through the site bumping herpes threads?!