to think this attitude to child's birthday party is a sad reflection of the times

[balletclassonfriday]

A colleague of mine is organising a birthday party for her daughter who will be 9 soon. She is planning on having it at home with party games and a magician (a friend's DH whose doing it for free} and a birthday tea. However, apparently around half of the children from school invited have said they can't come. Some of them told my colleague's daughter yesterday that the reason they're not coming is because it sounds 'babyish' and 'boring' and they only like parties at bowling alleys or where they get to see a movie and have McDonald's.

My colleague is really upset. She can't afford that kind of party and thought 8 and 9 year olds would be happy with games and pizza and birthday cake.

AIBU to be a bit shocked at the attitude of these kids?

I understand they think it's going to be boring (the magician shows they've seen before were probably aimed at 5 year olds). I think it's unkind though of her friends not to just come to the party even if they think it is a bit babyish.

No-one is rude to decline an invitation to something they do not want to go to. Anyone suggesting otherwise have confused the definition of "invitation" and "summons".

I personally hate magic and always have and would not attend (unless it was my bestest friend), however you'd never know why I couldn't go. That's just polite. And if a parent is the one informing OP why they're child doesn't want to go, then they're just silly and should be ignored.

I agree thisdayissoboring. My niece has been to twelve parties since she went back to school in September and has three more invites lined up for between now and mid Feb.

There's just so many birthday parties nowadays and such large numbers invited that any child who is reasonably popular doesn't find them the same novelty as we did.

It's sad though that children think it's okay to be hurtful and say such rude things to your colleagues dd's face. It's also dispiriting to see children grow out of things at such a young age.

I nearly posted something along these lines the other day! I was going to try and start a movement with the mums at my children’s school to try and put a stop to the expensive birthday parties and go back to basics. Expectations of children are so high from such a young age and that won’t stop if parents keep giving in to every whim a child has.

Wrt your friend, my daughter is 9 and would love to go to a party like hers. I hope she has a lovely time with her friends who do come xx

The magicians and games sound like a younger child’s party. I think a pizza and movie party at home would be just as cheap and more age appropriate.

I think you have confused telling a party holder that their party is babyish and refusing to go with politely declining an invitation, faulty.

Magician, party tea and games does sound babyish for 8-9 year olds. And dated (which is sad in a way but times change). I grew up in the 80s and never liked going to parties at other people's houses, playing the same games and trying not to drop crisps on the carpet! Swimming parties were just coming in, they were more fun for older kids.

Has she considered different options e.g. taking a couple of friends to the cinema then a meal, or a sleepover/movie night/diy pamper party at home for a few close friends?

Blimey, feel sorry for you guys with such close-minded kids.

It's not rude to decline an invitation as it's not something you don't want to go to.

At 9, pizza and a DVD if doing at home but party games and a magician I would say is for under 6s.

Gaming or iPad parties is one of the most depressing concepts I have ever heard.

Yep, just rude. Parents spend so much on parties these days, so a magician will already have been the thing among the kids earlier on. Can’t see why a magician would be seen as intrinsically babyish. Presumably the act is varied according to age. As for parents suggesting consoles and gaming. No, just no.

I organised two magic shows as a fundraiser at my son’s primary school in November (one for infants, one fur junior so up to 10) and we made nearly £700 in profit. Kids loved it. Both were well attended. The magician was funny though.

Let kids be kids.

My DS is almost nine and he would roll his eyes at a magician and pick holes in it. He is very cynical and nonchalant about things in general but this would not amuse him and I expect if his classmates had a party like this they would be the brunt of many jokes.

I don’t think it’s sad, I think that party is great for 5 year olds but not 9 year olds.

Laughing at all the posters totally missing the point and suggesting the cinema/dvds and pizza /McDonald's as if they've thought of something really radical lol.

No-one is rude to decline an invitation to something they do not want to go to. Anyone suggesting otherwise have confused the definition of "invitation" and "summons".

It's not rude but it may be a little selfish and unkind. Most nice people would attend their friend's birthday party even if it wasn't their cup of tea. It's not like they're being asked to pay for it themselves. I've been to quite a few events I wouldn't have otherwise because it was their someone's birthday and they wanted me to come - some of them I ended up enjoying.

Outlined then your ds sounds very rude, and you better pull him up on his manners!

Yes agreed, I never agree with this MN idea that you just say no to going to something, even when it is a close family or friend. I go to things because I care about people.

My DS is almost nine and he would roll his eyes at a magician and pick holes in it. He is very cynical and nonchalant about things in general but this would not amuse him and I expect if his classmates had a party like this they would be the brunt of many jokes.

I don’t think it’s sad, I think that party is great for 5 year olds but not 9 year olds

I'm sad that you don't find what you have written sad..

Meant Outlined silly autocorrect. Sounds fab for a child's party which is what dd is. Gaming party sounds as boring as hell.

The most popular party for 9 years old in my daughter's class currently is a swimming pool party. She's been to 4 already ( one last Sunday) and came home with an invitation to another today! I'd like to think she'd be happy to go to any party regardless of the theme and be thankful for the invitation.

To be honest I either wish I could attend this party as a kid lol (didn’t go to loads of party’s as a kid or teenager haha) or my baby was old enough to attend

It's the pamper parties that my dd9 's at tbh.

Very sad OP, I think much of this comes from the parents who are really anxious about their dc fitting in and being seen to be 'cool' well before their time. Mine (who is actually nearly 10) would be quite happy with that as a party to go to with her friends. I might have framed it as something to do with HP though......

DD13 went to a friend’s 13th birthday party recently. At the girl’s house - with party games. She came home having won Pass the Parcel. They had clearly all had a lovely time being ‘retro’ rather than baby-ish. I think if she’d given it much thought beforehand, she might have been a bit sceptical (although would never have said so) but, faced with the party games etc, wouldn’t most polite children throw themselves into it and end up having fun?
There’s so much pressure to be cool that the opportunity to be completely uncool and silly can be really fun.

My ds adores going to parties and just wouldn't think to view something as for babies or not. Children don't get these ideas out if thin air, that things are babyish etc. It's v depressing and the idea of s number of them bringing their own tablets, what's special about that?!

I've seen 5yo going to pamper parties!