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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this attitude to child's birthday party is a sad reflection of the times

472 replies

balletclassonfriday · 22/01/2019 14:14

A colleague of mine is organising a birthday party for her daughter who will be 9 soon. She is planning on having it at home with party games and a magician (a friend's DH whose doing it for free} and a birthday tea. However, apparently around half of the children from school invited have said they can't come. Some of them told my colleague's daughter yesterday that the reason they're not coming is because it sounds 'babyish' and 'boring' and they only like parties at bowling alleys or where they get to see a movie and have McDonald's.

My colleague is really upset. She can't afford that kind of party and thought 8 and 9 year olds would be happy with games and pizza and birthday cake.

AIBU to be a bit shocked at the attitude of these kids?

OP posts:

edwinbear · 22/01/2019 15:41

It's not the sort of party my 9yr old would choose for himself - but if a friend was having that sort of party he'd be delighted to attend and celebrate with him. In the same way that when DD is invited to a football party, which isn't her thing, she goes to celebrate because it's about what her friend wants, not her.

Comeymemo · 22/01/2019 15:41

@balletonfriday, from your OP it’s only some of the kids that have said they don’t want to go because they think the party is babyish. I agree this was a rude thing to say and I would be having words with my kids if they said something like that.

My posts were in answer to other posters who seemed to suggest that declining an invitation is, by definition, a rude thing to do. It isn’t. That’s all.

dancinginthehall · 22/01/2019 15:43

This is a depressing thread which shows how indulged and spoilt many kids are nowadays. 8 and 9 year olds thinking that party games and a birthday tea are 'boring' and that they'll only go to bowling parties and the like?

Where has the imagination and magic of childhood gone? ipad parties? Pamper parties? For young children still several years away from secondary school? Some parents need to cop themselves on.

drspouse · 22/01/2019 15:43

My DS got two magic kits for his 7th birthday (we didn't have a magic party) and they are both labelled 8+ (and the instructions and kit are much to advanced for him though he isn't the best reader plus he's very uncoordinated).
So learning to do magic is DEFINITELY suitable for this age group.

Namenic · 22/01/2019 15:44

I think magician can be fun! My FIL’s work has a Christmas party with a magician and 7-8 year olds seem to enjoy. Not sure how old the kids go up to though.

Party games/challenges can be fun - like build a tower out of spaghetti and marshmallows, charades, Pictionary, articulate.

CreakyBlinder · 22/01/2019 15:44

Multi user gaming parties?

My 9 year old doesn't even have a tablet!

Gaming parties sound depressing as shit.

amyboo · 22/01/2019 15:46

It might be a little young for 9 year olds... My 6 year old DS is invited to a party soon with a magician and I know he'll love it. But, to be honest, I don't think my elder DS would complain about that set up for a party, nor would his friends. But then I live in another EU country where kids seem to be under a bit less pressure to grow up.

For what it's worth, nearly 9 year old DS, who is not at all into gaming and that kind of thing, wants to have a sleepover with a few friends and then go to an outdoor tree climbing place the next day for his birthday. I also wouldn't want a ton of 9 year olds in my house to keep amused for an afternoon, so haven't really given that as an option! 2 or 3 is fine, but not a whole party full...

That said, my kids would never turn down a party invitation unless they actually can't go. I've always told them that it's nice to be invited, and that means we accept (and we also then make sure to try and invite the same person back to their party). I think turning down an invitation when you just don't like the idea of the party is very rude indeed, and I wouldn't let my kids do that.

SleepWarrior · 22/01/2019 15:48

I think the problem is 'magician at a party' conjures (haha) up a different image for each person - it can be very babyish or very sophisticated and impressive.

Turning it down on the basis of being babyish isn't kind but at least it whittle down the guest list to genuine friends who really want to be there. A small but fun party is totally fine.

Skimmedmilk1 · 22/01/2019 15:48

For the cost of a magician she could take a few of then to the cinema and McDonalds, surely?

trancepants · 22/01/2019 15:49

How is a magician babyish? Magic acts can be catered to any age with some magic acts being entirely aimed at an adult audience. Do some posters even engage with their brains before they type? I took DS to a science magic show around the time he turned 6 and he was by far and away one of the youngest in the audience. If he had been any younger he wouldn't have been entertained as the show was specifically aimed at 6-12 year olds. And there were numerous groups that were obviously birthday party trips for kids ranging from 9-11. One sitting right behind us and they had a whale of a time. As it was there were parts of the show that went over DS's head because a lot of the school related jokes just don't apply to a child in the first years of school.

I find it sort of sad but understandable when kids try to act too grown up for things that are clearly aimed at them, but wtf are all the adults doing by encouraging it? I remember going on a trip to a Cinderella pantomime at 9 and my friends and I being really dismissive about how silly it would be because fairy tales were for little kids. When I shared my feelings with my parents, they encouraged me to give it a chance and told me I'd be surprised. They knew that pantomimes are funny and full of jokes and pop culture references aimed at kids my age, whereas I didn't have the world knowledge to know anything other than Cinderella was a story in little kids books. And guess what? The panto was actually fantastic and we all completely loved it. It's the same with this magician. Magicians can be for little kids birthdays, so older kids who only know that small limited nugget about the world might put 2+2 together and get 3 because they don't know that magicians also tailor their act to older kids and adults. It's not sad that kids think a magic party is babyish, it is sad that their parents are so fucking ridiculous that they can't look beyond what can only be insanely misplaced pride about their kid's "advancement."

sittingonthetallseat · 22/01/2019 15:49

It's a sign of the parents too! No way would I let my son turn down a party invite for those reasons. I would tell him to consider the feelings of the child involved and that he should be pleased to be asked.

As an adult I never turn down a birthday invite either, because I think it is hurtful to the birthday person and also because I appreciate being asked.

Zofloramummy · 22/01/2019 15:50

My DD is having a party at home for her 8th birthday. There will be party games, board games and dress up. She is very excited and her friends (age 6-11) are also really looking forward to it. I can’t afford a big ‘do’ this year and she specifically asked for a house party. I think it’s a bit sad to be honest that so many kids have such a low boredom threshold that they can’t amuse themselves for 2-3hrs.
We went to a big party last weekend in a church hall with a D.J. and karaoke. My DD hated it! Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Pinkbells · 22/01/2019 15:51

I always give my kids the choice of parties at home or out somewhere and they often choose home. But when my oldest got to about 9 he didn't want an entertainer or to be 'organised' and preferred to just race about the place doing their own games so maybe that's the issue rather than it being at home.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 22/01/2019 15:54

@MrsCogg

I had a magician, in a hired hall, for my sons 7th birthday , back in the 90s . Everyone loved it as I am sure your DS will These kids are rude.

marymarkle · 22/01/2019 15:54

skimmedmilk The magician is a family friend doing it for free.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 22/01/2019 15:55

For the cost of a magician she could take a few of then to the cinema and McDonalds, surely?

The Magician is a family friend doing it for free

rubyroot · 22/01/2019 15:57

How is a magician babyish? Magic acts can be catered to any age with some magic acts being entirely aimed at an adult audience. Do some posters even engage with their brains before they type?

Yes- there was a magician at my friend's wedding- went round all the tables- it was great!

It's a shame that consumer culture has taken over and I can only think that the parents of the kids involved are partly to blame.

As a positive, the kids that do turn up -won't be spoilt brats- will be lovely kids and will have a great time.

dancinginthehall · 22/01/2019 15:58

Childhood is being cut shorter and shorter. If it goes on like this, by another generation we will see 4 and 5 year olds wearing make up and 6 and 7 year olds going on spa weekends and we can just cut out childhood altogether.

Of course, the more quickly these kids grow up superficially the slower they seem to mature inside so we also have twenty somethings behaving like teenagers and teenagers who can't manage a simple bus journey on their own.

Weird world we're creating.

Butterymuffin · 22/01/2019 15:58

I think turning down an invitation when you just don't like the idea of the party is very rude indeed, and I wouldn't let my kids do that.

Same here. It's all a bit 'that's not good enough to entertain me' otherwise. I bet the kids who actually go will have a great time.

rubyroot · 22/01/2019 15:58

should be won't be spoilt brats

Ladyoftheloch · 22/01/2019 15:58

I think it does sound a bit dull for 9yos but they were rude to decline and to say why!

Inforthelonghaul · 22/01/2019 15:59

My DD is nearly 9 and would absolutely love that kind of party.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 22/01/2019 16:00

Another vote for the magician! I had a magician at my wedding and everybody thought he was wonderful - ages ranged from just 2 up to over 80s - so it can't have been that bad!

DioneTheDiabolist · 22/01/2019 16:00

DP is a magician his main market is 4-10 year old children and his show is tailored accordingly.

I agree with previous posters that this attitude is probably coming from the parents. I posted about DS playing Pass the Parcel at his 10th birthday party and was told that it was "passé" and "too young" for 10yos. Despite the fact that they loved it and had another at his 11th.

rubyroot · 22/01/2019 16:01

@dancinginthehall couldn't agree more. All these kids who 'grow up too fast' have zero resilience and struggle to be independent. Weird, indeed!

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