to think this attitude to child's birthday party is a sad reflection of the times

[balletclassonfriday]

A colleague of mine is organising a birthday party for her daughter who will be 9 soon. She is planning on having it at home with party games and a magician (a friend's DH whose doing it for free} and a birthday tea. However, apparently around half of the children from school invited have said they can't come. Some of them told my colleague's daughter yesterday that the reason they're not coming is because it sounds 'babyish' and 'boring' and they only like parties at bowling alleys or where they get to see a movie and have McDonald's.

My colleague is really upset. She can't afford that kind of party and thought 8 and 9 year olds would be happy with games and pizza and birthday cake.

AIBU to be a bit shocked at the attitude of these kids?

I don’t know whether there is a world of difference between 8 and 9 but my 8yo would love a magician as would her friends. We also wouldn’t turn down a party invite unless we were genuinely busy. How horrible.
The area where I live has families of lots of different financial situation and many can’t afford parties at all and everything I have seen has had everyone be accepting and nice about whatever party has been on the cards. Maybe this will change as they get older.

When I was a kid, there were some who always wanted to rain on the parade of others and seem 'cool'.

'Oh that's so lame', 'Oh that's SO boring', 'You can't find that interesting surely!' etc.

IMO it’s rude to decline just because DC don’t fancy the activities / location if the DC are friends. Unless activities are something DC is scared of, eg heights. And even more rude to comment negatively on someone else’s party plans!

balletclassonfriday I am very upset for your Colleague. These children sound like the epitome of spoilt brats to me. To refuse on those grounds is simply much worse than very bad manners. Surely having a Birthday tea is better than just going home whether they like a Magician or not? At her wedding, my friend had a Magician circulating among us during the short gap before the meal and he was brilliant! And we were adults! Anyway, I am both shocked and upset. Shocked at the appallingly spoiled brats that we are breeding today and upset that they expect so much and are so uncaring about the feelings of others and have such disgustingly bad manners. If one of mine (now older than this age group) had hinted at being bored by the thought of this being an ordinary birthday party she would have been given a hell of a long lecture on being considerate and grateful for what she has. Fortunately this hasn't happened to me. Tell your Colleague, I think this is dreadful and I feel very upset for her. By the way, I used to teach in a Primary school.

There have always been sneery kids I imagine there were in Roman times too. Sadly if an influential loud mouth deems something lame the others may fall into line. Don’t think it’s worthy of hand wringing or “kids these days” sad facing.

The best memory I have of a party as a DC was at a friend’s house for her 9th birthday. They had a fondue set with a little machine with mini frying pans you could grill or sizzle, and lots of bits and bobs of sweet and savoury food and we basically fried and dipped stuff. Would really like to do it again now!

Unfortunately, I do think children’s expectations of parties have changed. DS is 6 and the only party he has been to at someone’s house was a Lego party, where they all the same mini-kit and built them together, then had time to play with a huge pile of Lego.

We used a very popular local magician and entertainer this year (who incidentally suggests his parties are most suited to under 7s) and got a very good turn-out. His friend had far fewer people to a general, less popular entertainer party, and some parents discretely mentioned that they didn’t want to give up their weekends for an underwhelming party.

It is a shame, and it really shouldn’t be vocalised, bits i do think kids are growing up faster, in terms of entertainment tastes, and fanily time is precious, so many are reluctant to give it up unless they know their children will really enjoy it.

I hope your friend’s daughter enjoys her party.

@balletclassonfriday my 9 year old DS, my 9 year old DSS and my 8 year old DD would love it. DSS has his "second birthday" here on Friday and we'll be having a party tea with cake, jelly and icecream. No magician but what a fabulous idea!

Maybe it's not typical of ALL 9 year olds, just some of them?

In my experience I do not think they are too old for a magician! When mine was 9 which is not 100 years ago the kids loved this type of party!
Sounds sad - but the birthday girl is much better off without friends like these!!

That's very rude of everyone who won't come. I always try and get my son to birthday parties if I can.
However at 9 yrs old, it is unsuitable really.
Laser quest, Freedog, Football, sleepovers, seem to be the parties my son goes to.
Unfortunately the weather is not the best at the moment. A sleepover with a movie would be a good option maybe? Lots of treats thrown in. That would seem grown up and exciting.
You will have to put up with them not going to sleep until the early hours though. But that's part of the fun for the kids. It's cheap and easy.
I hope everything works out, it's very stressful, as I know from experience.

Some of the responses on here are extraordinary. It is beyond rude to openly be saying a party is going to be boring and babyish. Yes, a magician might seem a little ‘young’ for a 9 year old, but that is what she/the parents have decided on and the guests should either accept or decline but there should be no discussion. I would be absolutely furious if I found out my children had said publically to others that they weren’t going to x’s birthday party because it would be boring and babyish.

Really horrible behaviour IMO.

It depends on the kids as well.
A lot of the girls in my sons class have pamper party sleepovers with a pizza and movie. That type of thing.
My son and his friends are Xbox, fortnite, football. That's it.

For the last three birthdays my DS1 has had 3 best friends round for Dominos and ps4 with a trip to the park for football or an activity such as laserquest with mcds/kfc etc afterwards

If I was the mum organising the party I'd be so glad that not everyone can come, it's so much easier when numbers are small.

I think this is really sad - we’re talking about a 9 year here not a teenager. I know my 9 year old ds wouldn’t give much thought to what the party involved - just as long as it was a party! Don’t like the thought of kids being “cool” at this age - I’m wondering if it’s younger ones wanting to be like their older siblings maybe? Don’t want to consider its the parents encouraging this attitude, it’ll give me the rage!

I’m an ex primary teacher and no, it isn’t a sign of the times. We used to do rewards and I remember having a magician in for year 6. They loved it! Apart from one or two silly kids who didn’t. I suspect that some kids have bad mouthed it and made other kids feel they shouldn’t go. I imagine most of them would enjoy it!

That’s really sad. :( I don’t think a magician at 9 is babyish at all. I loved magic at that age. Still do! As others have said, she’s better off without the moaners. Children are growing up or trying to grow up far too quickly these days and spend far too much time bent over screens. We’ve had children dropped off to parties with iPads

Here, kids of 9 still go to the local soft play venue because there’s no real alternative, so they’d be chuffed to bits with magician teaching them a few tricks.

Adults enjoy magic shows - this is more about bullying surely. Little entitled shit bags wanting to put this child down for doing something different. The children who do come will probably be lovely and the party more fun without the others.

Sounds great .. a change from the other parties.. I better they'd love it!

There is no way of a parent “discreetly” making negative comments to another parent - the host or other DC invited - about a DCs’ birthday party. It’s a rude thing to do.

Decide DC won’t attend if “family time” is scarce, DC are not friends or whatever, but no need to make negative comments, apart from perhaps to one’s partner.

Oh my goodness,I’m of an older generation and feel the expectations are far too much...things appear to need to be expensive and far too entertaining and for someone other than parents to do the organising...I think a party at home is wonderful,family oriented and a magician is a great idea..whatever happened to good old party games that would make a change from a movie and Macdonalds!

My children went to every party they were invited to and one particularly popular party was at a fundamentalist Christian families home where there were no electronic devices , not even a TV. They played games, played musical instruments and played in the huge reception rooms of their really old house. All the food was home cooked and delicious and these parties were loved by the children.I'd be inclined to blame the parents of children who can't even think of going to a different party. It's going to be a very narrow world for them.

Also I meant to say in my message above that I would make the party bags great so the non attenders were jealous.

Also I would be more shocked at some of the suggestions here like a mineceaft party. My kids have never played this. Or a PS4. They wouldn’t know what to do with them even. We don’t ban them but it just isn’t a thing yet where we live and me and dh are not into computer games.

Perhaps pitched a bit juvenile apart from the tea party part. Do agree that party expectations now are excessive and costly. Think inviting just two or three to "do something outside" would suffice with perhaps pizza at home. Do hope those who do accept help to celebrate your DDs birthday.