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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this attitude to child's birthday party is a sad reflection of the times

472 replies

balletclassonfriday · 22/01/2019 14:14

A colleague of mine is organising a birthday party for her daughter who will be 9 soon. She is planning on having it at home with party games and a magician (a friend's DH whose doing it for free} and a birthday tea. However, apparently around half of the children from school invited have said they can't come. Some of them told my colleague's daughter yesterday that the reason they're not coming is because it sounds 'babyish' and 'boring' and they only like parties at bowling alleys or where they get to see a movie and have McDonald's.

My colleague is really upset. She can't afford that kind of party and thought 8 and 9 year olds would be happy with games and pizza and birthday cake.

AIBU to be a bit shocked at the attitude of these kids?

OP posts:
Helmetbymidnight · 23/01/2019 08:30

I don’t think so- dd and her mates love ALL the parties and are thrilled at invitations.

Faultymain5 · 23/01/2019 09:03

@Helmetbymidnight I think you have confused telling a party holder that their party is babyish and refusing to go with politely declining an invitation, faulty.

No I think half the posters on the thread have. They actually say upthread to not go to a party they are invited to is wrong. To also tell the child why is terrible.

I only agree on their second assertion, not the first.

@BottleofJameson, it is not unkind to not go somewhere you don't want to. It would be worst if I turn up and mock everything instead.

Original poster
balletclassonfriday · 23/01/2019 10:21

Sorry, BalletonFriday was me. I use a different name on the Relationships threads and was posting simultaneously on both.

Anyhow, yes my colleague definitely specified on the invitation that it was a magician's workshop where guests would learn the tricks of the trade.

OP posts:
Pernickity1 · 23/01/2019 10:51

It’s not a sign of the times - it’s been 23 years since I was a nine year old and all parties I had at that age were bowling/cinema/sleepovers with horror movies. A magician seems a little babyish for that age group I would think? It is rude of them though, it’s not reason enough not to go and very mean of them. I feel sad for your colleagues DD Sad

MargoLovebutter · 23/01/2019 10:58

The person hosting that kind of party does sound a bit out of touch with what works for 9 year olds. I know my DC would rather have just gone to the cinema with me than have that as their party aged 9.

All of that said, there is no getting away from the rudeness of the responses, but then there is so much rudeness around kids birthday parties, that this doesn't surprise me - although it is still disappointing.

TeddybearBaby · 23/01/2019 11:07

My two would still love a magician! I don’t know why it would be babyish when people hire magicians / illusionists go round adults parties like balls / weddings etc.

I booked one recently and everyone seemed to be in awe. All ages were interested actually.

Oddcat · 23/01/2019 11:27

I think the kids turning their noses up need a kick up the bum . Whatever happened to being grateful for being invited , turning up and just having a nice time.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/01/2019 11:33

I am Shock at the amount of children who like cinema parties. None of the kids in know relish sitting silentry watching a movie. They'd rather be moving and chatting.

Limensoda · 23/01/2019 11:33

Yes it is a sign of the times and reflects home spoiled kids are now. Getting a party invite to something they've probably not tried before and deciding it's boring?

If my child was that picky and rude I would be annoyed. They would probably enjoy it if they came.

RiverTam · 23/01/2019 11:36

Dione DD would hate a cinema party as she can get very frightened by the most unexpected things on the big screen, and she's not the only kid I know of 9 who is like this, a cinema party is the one party she would outright say 'no' to because of that.

marymarkle · 23/01/2019 11:42

I would never organise a cinema party for this age group. You run the risk of either having too babyish a film, or a film that some kids get frightened at. Far too tricky. Totally different though taking your child and 1 or 2 kids. But hard to get it right with a group.

marymarkle · 23/01/2019 11:43

By the way at 12 I got taken with a friend to see Black Beauty at the cinema as her birthday treat. I thought it was very babyish and said this to my mum. But I was polite, went, and told my friend I enjoyed it - a lie.

noodlenosefraggle · 23/01/2019 11:50

My DS's 10th birthday party at home was 4 of his best friends, lunch and playing on the Wii. I wouldn't invite the whole class to a party at my house with party games and a magician. Agree with others, a magician is just not entertaining for a 9 year old. And I have a very 'young' 10 year old!

QwertyLou · 23/01/2019 12:02

Tbh I think comments (including my own earlier) on whether the party is “babyish” or not are missing the point.

The issue is not with anyone thinking it is babyish. It is with a child by implication being called “boring” and “babyish” instead of people just politely declining.

I’m having a hard time imagining this happening as surely people would just say “oh sorry, we have plans” or not rsvp at all until chased (which is bad in itself of course).

ChocolateStash · 23/01/2019 12:08

Yanbu. It is sad. If there's cake I'm there. CakeSmile

Nonomore3 · 23/01/2019 12:12

Grown ups pay lots of money to watch magic shows in Vegas and such places.
Magic isn’t for the under 7s. They just tailor the magic to suit the age group! Hence why adults watch things magic-related tv shows.

I would be mortified if my child was so spoilt so as to turn their nose up at a lovely party. Getting to see some magic and learn some tricks is a lovely thing to do. And even if you aren’t into that kind of thing 9 year olds should know better than expressing judgment and ridicule.
What a bunch of brats, I think. And I say that as they have actually declined the invite. If my child did that I would - without telling them- give them the most boring day at home instead doing chores and the like.
Maybe next time when they then received an invite they’d be more grateful and less bloody snotty and judgemental.

SushiMonster · 23/01/2019 12:17

I like magicians and I’m much older than 9...

onlyconnect · 23/01/2019 12:19

I have that type of party for my kids and haven't had any problems with other kids not wanting to come.

OnwardsAndUpwards10 · 23/01/2019 12:25

I'm shocked. Maybe indeed the magician? Kids can be so harsh. Where we live thankfully it is not the norm to invite the entire class and hire a venue. We get away with just a handful of kids, thank goodness. Every party until age 8 was at home. Her 9th will be probably a swim of cinema party.

Limensoda · 23/01/2019 12:42

Agree with others, a magician is just not entertaining for a 9 year old

So all 9 year old kids would find a magician boring? Surely you are all talking about your own child unless you've done a survey of a large number of kids in this age group? It also depends on the magician and his performance.

CheerfulMuddler · 23/01/2019 12:47

I don't think it's so much magician in itself, but how the kids perceive it.
I mean, if you've got Penn and Teller to come and perform at the party, that's a great choice for an 18th birthday.
However, if you've got the sort of magician a friend of DS's had at his 4th birthday - a kid of about 19 from an agency, who knew how to do one balloon model and had a trick wand and could pull coins out of the kids ears, and that was about it - the rest of the package was running party games etc - that would be a bit stale by about 7. (It was perfectly pitched for the kids there, mind - DS loved it, and thought the trick wand was hilarious).
My point is, you don't grow out of magic in itself - but if the association is with 'children's party entertainer', I can see why the kids are turning up their noses. I had parties with games up to about ten in the 90s, but I didn't have a kid's entertainer past about six, and yes, I think we'd have all been a bit sniffy about one.
But I agree that what's actually being offered is a lot cooler than that.

Carnivaloftheanimals · 23/01/2019 12:49

Some children really are being brought up to be very shallow and unimaginative. Probably because they're being rushed through childhood by a society who thinks it's normal for small girls to be going to beauty and pamper parties and to wear make up from the age of 10 or 11.

It's pretty sad really.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 13:23

No op colleague has not got a kid with one balloon, but a magician friend who is experienced providing a magic workshop. Fantastic, sounds great, tell your colleague the party sounds wonderful.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 23/01/2019 17:30

I’m sorry as I usually rtft but I can’t today - I think they have been very rude, as to the theme it really depends on the magician, close up magic has had a massive popularity surge over the last few years, and I was at a fancy dinner recently where they had magicians who were epic!!

Vanna73 · 23/01/2019 17:32

I think it's damn rude more than anything - personally I would make my kid go along - christ in the early 1980s we played party games around that age - a magician would have seemed great to me. Also, I would never communicate something like that to the host parent - how did the news get out? Seems weird to me and sounds like parental involvement too. Also sounds like the kids not going are horribly spoilt - and all talking to each other. Also, most people like magic tricks - even adults ffs. Unless the adult doing it is so dire - then it could be hysterical. Parties are 'mares - so glad my kids have left them behind now.