To not send OH money

[Belle1616]

So my OH went away to his home country and missed his flight back. He didn’t check his ticket properly as got a new one issued.

So as not to drip feed, he’s verry irresponsible with money. He earns way more than I do and is always broke. Life is quite tough for us and I have savings that I have stressed are not to be touched unless it’s for moving house( which we desperately need to do as live in 1 room with a 15 month old).

I’m not mean and we had to dip into my savings to cover household stuff at the start of the year but after that it was to be as if I didn’t have any. As I don’t want to fritter it away and then have nothing. And he has history of being lent money and not paying back.

Anyway this evening he informs me I have to send him quite a big some of money to buy a new ticket home. He didn’t get insurance or have any money for emergencies.

I feel mean but am very annoyed and don’t want to send him any money AIBU?

OP giving him money is an extremely bad idea. I can smell his story from here, it’s so fishy.

You don’t seem to want to get what’s happening here, but you have a responsibility to your child so you need to grow up fast and start taking control of the situation.

Let me spell it out to you. He is repeatedly behaving in an abusive fashion to you and his child. You clearly feature very low on his list of priorities. Stop giving him money right now because you will need it when this charade inevitably falls apart. Put your money somewhere he can’t find it and sort yourselves out.

You don’t love him. You love the person he pretends to be when he wants something.

Sorry to be harsh, but right now you need the truth. Read my user name and take it to heart.

The best thing you can do OP is to listen to the overwhelmingly advice and not send him any money. He is an adult who should act responsibly. The only baby in the relationship is the child you share together, but you will eventually become a mum of two if you continue with him. Your situation is not unique, I have know of women with men similar to your OH. Staying with them never leads to a happy and satisfying life.
In the long run, you'll be bitter abd resentful.

They don't know how to save and you will never be able to maintain a health saving balance. Furthermore, you can look forward to:

1. New debts replacing old ones
2. Constant money worries
3. Long term financial insecurity

What are you doing living in a room with a child? 🤨 ...is it a house share?

Be wise OP and toughen up!

Hi op,
I think there are a lot of red flags here:his wasting money,not repaying you,depending on you to bail him out and not discussing or sharing finances.
This person is going to drag you down financially.
If you can accept this then carry on.
But if you have ambitious for a better quality of life,imho,you need to go it alone.

In a good relationship, I'd say yes - my mother fell asleep in an airport once and missed her flight and was very distressed, and my dad sorted it out without a second thought.

This is not a good relationship. It's not just about him being bad with money, it's that there are all the signs of financial abuse, particularly getting angry when you try to have a reasonable conversation with him about finances. The hallmark of abuse isn't someone "losing" their temper, but "using" their temper so they're never call to account.

Don't bail him out - use the opportunity to move his stuff out of the place you're living, and get yourself free of this leech.

If he doesn't want to do joint finances, he doesn't get to do joint finances when it suits him. I say let him work it out for himself and then decide whether he wants to take a better attitude to money or not.

I’m sorry you’re stuck in this relationship.

I would not lend him a single penny, and would seriously considering separating (so anyway you will need all the money you can save). And I speak as someone who has merged finances with her partner. But your situation is different and you need to protect yourself and think of the future.

Good luck OP!

I can't decide if I'd send the money or not, but either way the relationship would be over. I might feel better about sending the money and then he moves out straight away (just because I would hate to have to deal with people nagging on about how mean I was for dumping him when he was stranded), but on the other hand it might be easier to finish a relationship when you are in different countries.

He will always be stupid with his own money when OP is there to bale him out all the time.
Get your big knickers on and say no

IME once your P sees you as his bank things are unlikely to change. He is reckless and irresponsible with money etc because he knows you will bail him out.

Is this how you want your future to be?

He is seeing his money as fun/spending money and yours as necessary/boring money-what a twat.