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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if I'm the only one who didn't .....

193 replies

HildaZelda · 21/01/2019 18:16

..... have a hen when I got married? Back in the noughties so they were definitely a 'thing' at the time.
It was a combination of things really, different groups of friends, some who didn't get on with others, some that I knew would be last minute cancellations, my mother (before going NC) would have tutted at everything and sat there with a cat's bum face.

I don't for one moment regret not having one. Never did, and if I was ever getting married again, I still wouldn't.

Anyone else?

OP posts:

MrsBombastic · 22/01/2019 18:13

I've had 2 hen parties: both were a disaster.

Wouldn't do it again.

Nanalisa60 · 22/01/2019 18:17

It did got totally rat arsed!! Stripper !! karaoke !! Club till throw out time!! Ended up in favourite pie shop at 5 in morning with just four besties started off with about 30 girls!! For some unknown reason I thought it was a good idea to wear white jeans!! But ha ho that was hennies 25 year ago, but I did but my foot down about getting blackened!! My poor husband did not getaway with out that ritual!!

Daytimetellysucks · 22/01/2019 18:19

I got married in 2001 and did have a hen night

Few friends and I had dinner, pub crawl around town and ended up in the local cheesy night club

No inflatable willies or anything like that though

It was a brilliant night out

Onecabbage · 22/01/2019 18:19

Married twice and never had a hen do for either wedding, although we did gather all our wedding guests who had travelled and we enjoyed an informal meal (our favourite curry house) the night before our wedding. We called it our Slag party 🤗

cheapskatemum · 22/01/2019 18:24

I was going to say I didn't, but a MOreGinPlease has reminded me that my 3 closest friends at the time took me out for a meal at the restaurant we all loved at the time. DM died before I got married, otherwise I'm sure she'd have loved to have been there and she would have been welcome.

MinecraftHolmes · 22/01/2019 18:27

DH and I didn't do hen/stag dos when we got married 2 years ago. I couldn't think of anything worse than a night out where I was the main reason for everyone being there. For the exact same reason I only agreed to have people at our wedding ceremony on the proviso it wouldn't be a big brouhaha.

missmouse101 · 22/01/2019 18:30

I just had a day at a health spa with my one bridesmaid. It was lovely!

Topsy44 · 22/01/2019 18:35

I did but really wished I had stayed local. My DH had his stag do in a European city so I thought I would do the same. I had said to my bridesmaids that I didn't want to have any of the tacky stuff and they know I hate being the centre of attention but they went to the other extreme and didn't really organise anything when we got to the city! There were only about 6 of us but some wanted to do one thing, others wanted to do something else - I think we all split in the end. In the evening we had a meal and ended up in a random club and 2 of the party wanted to go back to the hotel early and we really stayed in the club until later just because we were on a hen night and that was the thing to do.

I am sure if I had just stayed at home and gone out for a meal/bar/club it would have been a lot more fun!! I'm single now but if I ever did get married again, it would just be a lovely meal out somewhere with a few friends (of both sexes) the night before.

Pupsiecola · 22/01/2019 18:48

I didn't have one either. I got married in 2002. I have quite an eclectic group of friends from different times/places, like many of us I guess. I've only ever been to one hen party. I confess it's not my kind of thing.

What was lovely though was at our wedding a group of said eclectic friends (all strangers) all got chatting and said "did you go to the hen do?" They quickly realised there was no hen do, so they organised a surprise meal for me when I got back from my honeymoon. My DH was in on it and got me to the venue, pretending we were going out for dinner there, then picked me up later. It was most definitely one of the kindest, most thoughtul things anyone has ever done for me. I felt so special.

DH didn't have a stag do: he just went for a meal with his best friend.

winsinbin · 22/01/2019 18:48

I didn’t have one. I hate being the centre of attention in a big group so the very idea made me cringe. I had a few small dinners out with various mates (as did DH) and then DH and I threw a house party a couple of weeks before the wedding so our separate groups of mates could get to know one another before the big day.

BraayTigger · 22/01/2019 19:01

I didn’t and I still feel sad about it whenever I think about it. I got married early 30s (6yrs ago and had loads of girl friends to my wedding). I (in theory!) have lots of friends and am v outgoing etc however my friends are dispersed and not all from school/uni etc. so don’t all know oneanothet necessarily. I also don’t have a “best friend” per se.

My sister was in charge of planning it, but for whatever reason it didn’t get planned properly and lack of responses meant we cancelled it.

I was v sad as had gone out of my way often to go to all my friend’s hens. In the end my mum and sister took me out, we had a brilliant time but I do look back and think what a looser I must be if people didn’t want to come. Every single one of my friends has had a hen. I have actually lied to newer friends when they ask what I did for my hen do and pretended I had one 😭

Having said that, do whatever u want OP. Just hope u r not in the same position I was in. It still makes me pretty upset (but no one knows this-apart from all MN!!).

Holyshitbags · 22/01/2019 19:02

Nope, I didn’t have one either. It’s not my scene - not only that but We booked our wedding with 10 weeks to plan it because we wanted something to take our minds off the miscarriage we had just suffered. However, found out two weeks later that I was pregnant again :-)

Soubriquet · 22/01/2019 19:04

Nope I didn’t either

Despite my sister trying to force me to

I’m not a big drinker so the traditional piss up didn’t really appeal to me.

I did consider a theme park day but in the end decided not to.

Don’t regret it at all

Allgoodnamesaregone · 22/01/2019 19:05

Didn't for first wedding, but I was very young.
Second wedding I was 39, went for an Indian meal with about 10 girlfriends & they gave us the room upstairs to ourselves. It was all very civilised.
I've only been to 1 hen do.....I don't really drink, so not my thing.

TheOrigFV45 · 22/01/2019 19:06

Not really. I did go out with a few of my friends for a meal out some time after the event, which I suppose was to celebrate my wedding with just my female friends. It was fun.

I have never been abroad for a Hen do (am 48), most was an overnight in a hotel.

Tiggy321 · 22/01/2019 19:08

I did! Had a brilliant weekend at Center Parcs with 9 friends! Much fun and laughs had by all. Been on loads of hen weekends- always fun, silly and totally harmless!

newdaysameplay · 22/01/2019 19:09

I'm getting married in September and I won't be having a 'Hen'. It just doesn't appeal to me? I used to be a big 'party-girl' so maybe I am just all partied out Friends/family have been really accepting thankfully. My DP is having his Stag though, a few days abroad with the lads I've been told! He can't wait and I hope he has a fab time! We are all different x

holey · 22/01/2019 19:13

I had the tiniest wedding ever. No hen do, no flowers, no hairdressers/makeup professionals, catering was party trays from the supermarket. Only very immediate family invited and after registry office we all went back to ours. Sister did the cake, mum bought me a nice dress (was cream in the end and quite weddinglike but all I wanted originally was a summer dress and strappy sandals). Car was MILs driven by BIL. For us that was perfect. We'd already been together nearly 9 years and only got married because I was 6 months pregnant and we wanted us and our baby to all share a family name. If we hadn't had kids we wouldn't have bothered and I'm still anti marriage, 18 years into married life. I just don't see the point of a big expensive event or a legal tying together of two people. Especially as marriages can be ended so easily anyway.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 22/01/2019 19:13

I didn’t have one and have only been to one.
It was my ex sil’s and involved a cheap nasty meal and then male strippers wiggling their less than impressive willies about. I knew none of the othe guests and sat there with a light ciggie in my hand for 2 hours to stop any of the strippers coming near me. I excaped as soon as was polite to do so and swore never again. This was the early 90’s so I have managed to avoid them for nearly 30 years.

user1486076969 · 22/01/2019 19:17

No, never been to one and don't want to. The closest I got was going out for a smart Sunday lunch.

Jellybubbamama0987 · 22/01/2019 19:17

My “hen night” was a bottle of wine and tv with my mum. I lost my mum the following year so I don’t regret it one bit. I didn’t really want to get married but that’s another story lol

cloudspotter · 22/01/2019 19:20

I didn't. None of my friends lived nearby. I was between worlds - recently out of uni, not established in my new job or town, not keeping up with old friends quite as much.

I was a party animal so was really looking forward to it. On reflection, this may have had something to do with why no-one wanted to take it in....

My younger sister was my maid of honour, and I'm not sure if she was of drinking age.

My other bridesmaid wasn't really a party organising type (much like me in fact!) I put a date in for drinks and then there was a flu/cold epidemic and everyone dropped out from illness. So no hen night.

I thought I was the only one who didn't have one. So glad this thread has put that to rest.

Shona52 · 22/01/2019 19:25

I had a bbq with cocktails in my parents garden with a casino. Was a fantastic night

3timeslucky · 22/01/2019 19:26

Dh and I had been friends for so long (15 years) that we arranged a night in the pub for all our friends and some colleagues. No family. That's as close as we got to a hens or stags.

purplebunny2012 · 22/01/2019 19:37

My hen do was a meal and then clubbing at a rock/metal club.
Fab night out

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