To think DHs sister is a bridezilla?

[ReginaGeorge2nd]

If I’m honest...we have never got on. As a matter of fact, I have never got on with his entire family but that’s a thread in itself.

She is getting married in April and has requested me to:

1. Not to wear a wig (my hair is super thin and balding and makes me super uncomfortable so I tend to wear proper, human hair wigs in public/to occasions- I’m talking a decent one, not a green Mohawk from the joke shop)
2. Wear a dress of her choosing (not a bridesmaid or part of the wedding party in any form) because she doesn’t like my “fashion sense”. I don’t dress like a cheap hooker, but I’m not a fussy old fashioned type either

As DH has insisted I’m part of the wedding photos she feels she has a right to demand these things

AIBU?

I totally agree YADNBU

The "you can't wear your wig" demand is most shocking, as also is her trying to dictate what you wear from "her wedding acceptable clothing design" list (!!) when you aren't a bridesmaid and are a wedding guest. So I'll state that bit clearly.

But I just wanted to say, I'd kinda understand a bit of.momentary worry about wedding outfit if you had form for turning up in cropped tops and cut off frayed shorts - Not that you've given any indication you would - But it'd still not be reasonable for her to dictate your clothes.

I invited my (only and now late) Dsis be my MOH/ a bridesmaid and she quite rightly declined as she didn't want to wear a dress in our wedding colour scheme (dusky blue) or to be part of any fuss. But I recall being a bit worried at what she might wear, as she had form for turning up in 1980s extravagant Cher worthy black lace numbers to family weddings 😂😂

And I remember that moment of brief anxiety that if she wore a full black laced bodiced outfit, it might jar in the family wedding party photos. BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT OUT LOUD to anyone and pretty quickly shook myself sensible (Bridezilla moment passed quickly enough!) and thought instead "So what, I'll be pleased she's there with me"

As it was she didn't rock a Cher worthy number, much to my years later disappointment 🤣🤣 I can't even remember her full outfit other than she BLINGED herself out in gold jewellery (as she knew our wedding colours were "dusky blue and soft gold") . She made me laugh so much on our day just being herself.

I miss that DSis of mine. She trod her own path 😍😍😎😎

These photos will serve as her memories for years to come. Whilst I can give her leeway about the dress (if she has a color scheme in mind) the wig thing is utter bullocks. If she's serious about wanting to have you in her photos, she should want you as you are, wig and all, and not force you to be a version of what she thinks you should be.

Your SIL is a bitch ... no offence 😎

Sorry op, only read the opening post but felt so strongly about it I just wanted to post.

This woman is trying to make you uncomfortable, just don't go.

Thinking about it @ReginaGeorge2nd - is she jealous of your look? Wondering if she's worried about being upstaged?! Do you wear BDSM style clothing regularly to posh outings 😆 Not that it matters she can still piss off ... just wondering why she's being a bitch?

She can pay for my dress of she wants to pick it. Regarding the wig, she can fuck off. Any shit happens on the day I would kindly offer to stay out of the photos or just leave. Maybe fake a stomach bug nearer the time and tell her "sorry don't want to infect everyone at the wedding". She sounds horrible.

I reckon you say yes to everything, pretend to go along with it, and then on the day turn up in your wig and what you'd like to wear anyway.

The bride can't make a scene about it without showing herself up, as you look perfectly normal to everyone else there, but you and her know what's happened. Bonus points if you manage to smile directly at her...

^This

Do you have any mutual family
You get on with? Or mutual friends?

If so, I'd be really tempted to start at WhatsApp group innocently asking along the lines of "I wonder what xxx will be picking for us all seeing as she's picking guests outfits"

And mention her comments about the wig.

Fucking bitch. How dare she tell
You that you can't wear your wig.

I'd shit stir on a group chat and make it known what she's said then I wouldn't go.
I'd take myself off on a long weekend somewhere away and be totally
Non contactable and concentrate on reading a new book with some good wine.

Sending hugs OP xx

yur dh is not helping matters though agreeing with them to keep the peace is giving them the impression theyre right and youre just being awkward

he should want to stand by you and tell them to get fucked

I'd be tempted to turn up in this little beauty

'These photos will serve as her memories for years to come. Whilst I can give her leeway about the dress (if she has a color scheme in mind)'

Fuck that

Who on earth gets to decide what a grown woman wears to a wedding unless she's a BM

Which OP clearly and s not

Colour schemes are for bridal party surely

She sounds utterly controlling I wouldn't pander to any of her toxic whims

Crop

Whilst an interesting little number it's perhaps a little understated, not enough frills and hair adornments

Great 'theme' though

Fuck that
Who on earth gets to decide what a grown woman wears to a wedding unless she's a BM

Quite

Holy shitballs, she's being horrible op. Just say I'm sorry but as an adult I can dress myself thanks.

Go. Wear what you want including wig. Have a really good time. Ask her to show you what she'd like you to wear and then just make nice noises but nothing at a commitment level, let her think what she likes.

Presumably dh won't let on if she or his p grill him, or he's able to say "I'm a bloke, I can't tell the difference with women's clothes, yes I think it might be like that", or if not then don't show him your dress until the day and you're getting in the car.

Presumably also, he can decide whether he wants to go nc with his family or not, so let him. But I'd try to persuade him to wait until after the wedding. Then, I'd give him Toxic Parents by Susan Forward if he does decide on nc.

I have a rather nice frothy white number you can borrow.......!

She is a cow. Unless you dress really over the top she is just jealous that you are better looking than her. In your position I would say the wig is non negotiable, but you are willing to compromise with the dress. Then I would get if professionally altered to suit your style while still being obviously the original dress, but don't mention that fact, just turn up in it.

Now THAT is a wig... www.mumsnet.com/uploads/talk/201901/large-649660-downloadfile.jpg

Following on from Perfectstorm’s post, if not a Snow White wig -see above- howabout a stylish white hat ?

Not as in-yer-face-yer-bitch as a white dress, but sharp enough a style & symbolic statement to stand out in the wedding photos, and nark her on the day.

1000 words, picture, worth it...

It sounds like shes been thwarted on excluding you formally so is trying to do it informally by being such a heinous bitch that you won't show.

Go in full Kiss regalia.

OP I would seriously take this as an opportunity to go NC for good! Your SIL has behaved beyond vile! There is something incredibly wrong with her as a person, for her to make those demands of you!

Knowing that they refuse to accept your babies, who your dh has adopted honestly I have no idea how you have continued contact for as long as you have!

I have been there, my outlaws pushed their nastiness too far and I had no choice but to go nc. Firstly, I made it clear that myself and our dc would have nothing more to do with them. I left it completely up to my dh how he would carry on. Within a couple of months he made the decision to go nc too. It was his decision completely, made for the protection of his own mental health, there was no pressure from me at all! Seven years later, we have never been happier! Fifteen years we have been together and our only regret is not cutting them out sooner!
(Ok we regret that they were assholes, narcissists and sociopaths- we do wish they were better people and we could have a loving or even just average/ normal relationship with them).

DH has had three different sessions of therapy to help him cope. DH still loves them, he is a loving, kind and gentle man, so despite their awful abuse I know that he will feel guilt if/ when (one of/ both of) his parents die. I feel guilt for the hurt he has felt and the guilt he will feel but I know that they made it impossible for contact to continue.

After reccomendations on here, we have both read Toxic Parents and Toxic In-laws by Susan Forward- I would thoroughly recommend both books for yourself and your DH. Susan Forward has also written a book called Mothers who can’t love - a healing guide for daughters:

www.amazon.co.uk/Mothers-Who-Cant-Love-Daughters/dp/006220436X/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=susan+forward+mothers&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1548114641&sr=8-1

There is also a fab website called daughter of narcissistic Mothers the website creator has also written several books which might help you in coming to terms with your guilt.

www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

You don’t deserve to be treated the way your in-laws are treating you! Life is far too short to spend it with cruel narcissists!

Don't go op. They sound like bunch of horrible twats.

Not a nice sister

There are three little words that are essential for this wedding: Get to fuck!

Bridezillaism is a temporary condition. Narcissim is for life.

Spoiler alert - she is not a Bridezilla. Give yourselves the gift of NC.

I’d go as Marie Antoinette