To think DHs sister is a bridezilla?

[ReginaGeorge2nd]

If I’m honest...we have never got on. As a matter of fact, I have never got on with his entire family but that’s a thread in itself.

She is getting married in April and has requested me to:

1. Not to wear a wig (my hair is super thin and balding and makes me super uncomfortable so I tend to wear proper, human hair wigs in public/to occasions- I’m talking a decent one, not a green Mohawk from the joke shop)
2. Wear a dress of her choosing (not a bridesmaid or part of the wedding party in any form) because she doesn’t like my “fashion sense”. I don’t dress like a cheap hooker, but I’m not a fussy old fashioned type either

As DH has insisted I’m part of the wedding photos she feels she has a right to demand these things

AIBU?

I think a green mowhaek is perfect for this!!!

Her insistence that you don’t wear your wig is clearly to make you feel rubbish on her “special” day.
As someone who also suffers from very thin hair with bald patches I also have one of the clip in wigs. They are so good that if you don’t tell anyone you are wearing one they would never know. She obviously knows you use one and just wants to make you feel and look as bad as possible so she will feel she looks better than everyone else.

If it was me I would make it clear how important an issue this was for me and if she insists on the no hair then I wouldn’t be going. Same for the dress. If it’s not a bridesmaid dress it’s nothing to do with her unless she’s paying? Even then I would restrict it to colours or style of dress and not the actual dress.

She sounds like a very ugly person inside and out. Stick to your guns. No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself

I think your DH needs to step up here: he's undoubtedly feeling piggy-in-the-middle, bit actually his path is quite clear. He married you and you are entitled to expect him to support you, regardless of his personal feelings of conflict (that discussion should be between you and nor her).

Suggest you say, in words that suit you, that either you both attend her wedding, wearing the wedding clothes you choose for yourselves - assuming you aren't a bridesmaid or usher - or neither of you go. She's clearly mistaken in what is reasonable to expect of her guests or family.

Good luck. It's possible that once she's married she'll be happier in her own skin.

Schedule a v&d, norovirus, pneumonia etc for the day and relax at home recovering from your serious health condition.

If you generally wear a wig then I would think about shaving my head - makes wigs esier and would really hack her off

Omfg if she told me she didnt want me in the photos cos she didnt like my fashion sense id tell her to shove her wedding up her snooty arse. Dont go no matter what dh says. I think shes being exceptionally rude towards you. I mean is she that much of a stunner and fashionista, is hello mag doing the photos. She hasnt thought about your feelings re hair which is massive. I would ring her and tell her straight, but maybe that is what she wants.

Please wear what you are happy with. I suffer too from hair issues- up to you what hair you want to wear that day!

I’d also ask her reason why she doesn’t want your hair to look nice on the day and for you to be happier...

What a cow! Clearly trying to undermine your confidence by insisting you go without your wig. That’s not her call! That’s like insisting people don’t wear glasses (well, it’s obviously not exactly the same, but kinda on the same wavelength).
I could understand if there was a dress code maybe. Or if she requested “no black” perhaps. I think it’s a bit OTT really but some people do that. But to be so rude as today she’ll be picking your outfit as she hates your style is beyond rude. It sounds like deliberately offensive. Clearly she has a problem with you. Maybe there’s history. I’ve not RTFT, sorry.
I would still go if you think you’d have a nice time but say the wig is non negotiable and if there’s a dress code you’re happy to abide if other guests are, but that you will not be allowing her to pick your outfit. Or if it’ll be a totally unenjoyable day then I’d save myself the bother of going!
She sounds absolutely dreadful. You have my sympathies!! Xx

Omg what a nightmare horrible woman she is!
My poor mum is severely disabled - has to wear modified shoes which are absolutely vile - she would tell you the same thing. Can't wear anything nice with them like dresses etc. For my wedding she wore black trousers and a nice silky top thing, no mother of the bride outfit etc. Who the fuck cares what anyone wears so long as they are there surely!

What a cow! Clearly trying to undermine your confidence by insisting you go without your wig. That’s not her call! That’s like insisting people don’t wear glasses (well, it’s obviously not exactly the same, but kinda on the same wavelength).
I could understand if there was a dress code maybe. Or if she requested “no black” perhaps. I think it’s a bit OTT really but some people do that. But to be so rude as today she’ll be picking your outfit as she hates your style is beyond rude. It sounds like deliberately offensive. Clearly she has a problem with you. Maybe there’s history. I’ve not RTFT, sorry.
I would still go if you think you’d have a nice time but say the wig is non negotiable and if there’s a dress code you’re happy to abide if other guests are, but that you will not be allowing her to pick your outfit. Or if it’ll be a totally unenjoyable day then I’d save myself the bother of going!
She sounds absolutely dreadful. You have my sympathies!! Xx

Take her shopping let her pick you an outfit buy it... then take it back for a refund. Buy what you like and wear it with a wig of your choosing.

Bridezilla. Also generally rude. I suspect in most cases the two are distinctly related.

My DH's sister is exactly like this, so I sympathize. Her wedding was a shit-show of selfish, undignified behaviour; mainly owing to her running true to type, but others were to blame too. I cringed in embarrassment for the whole lot of them. DH and I decided right then and there that there was no way our day would involve an action replay of these childish histrionics, and neither of us really like weddings in any event.

When we eloped, she was the only person with the temerity to take issue with it, and the last person in a position to, bearing in mind she's the least close to us. Also, it was a done deal and a bit late by then! Everyone else was thrilled for us.

Narcs gonna narc, OP. Don't engage with her and wear whatever the hell you like. It's her day but she doesn't have autonomy over your body, style or dress.

Ultimate in CF.

For all weddings on DP's side, I've been automatically included in the 'family' photos, and DP in the ones on my side.The DH is trying to get his sister (and parents?) to accept that his wife is family.

Unfortunately it's backfired. He wants to play nice but doesn't have the ability to stand up to them, probably because that's the way he's been brought up.

OP how would DH react if you suggested that neither of you should go? I suspect he'd be horrified, but it might be worth a try.

Just awful, at best crass, at worst cruel, shades of everything in between.

I understand some weddings have dress codes, even though I think this creates problems! But this is just awful.

I can see a tiny sliver of sense in saying something about what people perhaps SHOULDN'T wear for the photos - who cares anyway, but if there is a chance of someone turning up wearing balloons or a Tarzan outfit then I can see a request for 'suitable' wedding wear might be in order, albeit cheeky, but to tell you not to wear a wig? That is cruel, unkind, and overstepping the mark buy a mile. Ignore her. I feel unkind even saying this and I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings too much, but is she planning that you should look less than your best so that she can shine? Maybe she should tell all the women not to wear makeup, or ban them from going to the hairdressers on the day...

As a person who wears a wig due to alopecia, YANBU. It is quite distressing and the thought of being without a wig for such a special occasion is out of the question.
I would probably have to consider not going to the wedding if she was dishing out commands like that. What a strange woman!

Nothing else for it but to follow an earlier suggestion to wear a fetching turban (Carmen Miranda style is best - see image). Failing that, could shave head completely and cover in temporary tattoos. I note there is no dress code for DH, so how about bright shorts and shades? That way you could both blend in.

Seriously, she sounds thoroughly obnoxious so ignore her demands and tell everyone there about them. Don’t bother to try to impress PILs, if they have decided to not like you, they are past wasting your time on. NC would be less stressful. Good luck OP.

Yeah it does seem like she is fucking with you. Being cunty and using her nuptials as a pretext to insult you. The dress at the wedding maybe, but your hair choice (note, but not the hair style) is just being a mega bitch. What next. After she's married, you can't go to family functions unless you wear the shoes she likes? Nip it in the bud and call her out about it.

A bridezilla is someone how temporarily looses their mind over their wedding but is other wise a fairly sane and normal person.

A Nasty Cunt picks on people generally being an arsehole it happens all the time and is generally obvious by the fact you can't stand them think what an arsehole when they are talking!

I think it's obvious which your soon to be Sil is. I know you said you have some history with going no contact and then feeling guilty which is a horrible feeling but honestly no one who treats you like this is worth the knock to your on confidence/mental health cut them out! It's up to your dh what he wants to do but if I were you I would have 0 contact with any of them.

I agree with PPs that your SIL isn't a bridezilla, she's just nasty. And your DH isn't supporting you nearly as strongly as he should. How dare she tell you not to wear a wig??

You could always wear what my cousin wore to my wedding- mini skirt with fishnets and thigh high stiletto leather boots- with very obvious long platinum hair extensions. Then she would really have something to complain about!

I think i would be tempted to let her buy the outfit remove the labels and then be ill on the day.

Actually on reflection i'd just tell her its ok you were planning on cleaning the kitchen that day

Ask her why you can't wear your wig? Put her on the spot. Also mention that you would like to help choose her wedding dress for her as normally everything she wears looks too tight across her stomach and bum.