To think DHs sister is a bridezilla?

[ReginaGeorge2nd]

If I’m honest...we have never got on. As a matter of fact, I have never got on with his entire family but that’s a thread in itself.

She is getting married in April and has requested me to:

1. Not to wear a wig (my hair is super thin and balding and makes me super uncomfortable so I tend to wear proper, human hair wigs in public/to occasions- I’m talking a decent one, not a green Mohawk from the joke shop)
2. Wear a dress of her choosing (not a bridesmaid or part of the wedding party in any form) because she doesn’t like my “fashion sense”. I don’t dress like a cheap hooker, but I’m not a fussy old fashioned type either

As DH has insisted I’m part of the wedding photos she feels she has a right to demand these things

AIBU?

In a way, that's as it should be, really. We're just people. But the fact you have posted for so long without the Lo! A man speaks shite, say reams abut you as a person

Jennifer I don't think that's fair! OPs DH has told his DSis to wind her neck in and not exclude her from the family pictures. He just waivered on the bounce back... it just means he hasn't yet got to the "Fuck you!" part of divesting himself of the FOG his family have spent his entire lifetime nurturing in him! He'll get there. This may be his last strw.

OP If your DH does go NC with his family DO NOT try to persuade him otherwise. Don't allow your won feelings of guilt add to his. I say that as one who has helped my DH walk away from his family and is now struggling to stay NC with ageing parents. It is difficult, but sometimes no relationship is far better than a fractious one!

I am mystified by the wig request, I am assuming that your natural hair wig is an everyday colour and style? Why would you (well, your SIL in this case) dictate someone's hair just for a photo?

I just wouldn't go, life is too short to waste time on nasty vile people that don't like you. I would plan something fun for me and my children and let bridezilla Bitch get on with it!

Putting myself in your position, with my sister-in-law, (and we don't get along all that well) I'd simply say that I like to choose my own clothes. My MIL actually did once ask me if I wanted her to help me choose something to wear to my brother-in-laws wedding and I said exactly that.

It's most likely because I don't wear dresses and they think I should.
It was going to be an afternoon of her persuading me to try frocks on.
I can read her like a book.

Just nod and then wear what you like on the day, what’s she going to do make you go home and change? And if she says you can’t be in the pictures, so what? I wouldn’t want to be in such an unpleasant woman’s pictures, wouldn’t go to the wedding at all in fact with a family that has a tarnished view of me (wtf?) but that’s me.

Oh my God she's crazy just don't go

A very ostentatious hat might be the thing, or a woolly bobble hat. Shes a bitch

Jennifer I don't think that's fair! OPs DH has told his DSis to wind her neck in and not exclude her from the family pictures. He just waivered on the bounce back... it just means he hasn't yet got to the "Fuck you!" part of divesting himself of the FOG his family have spent his entire lifetime nurturing in him! He'll get there. This may be his last strw.

My reply was in response to the 'man's perspective' pp implying that op should deal with this herself. Pp asked why op's dh should be involved and I said it was him that had the initial conversation so he should handle the situation. I wasn't criticising dh for his stance.

Could you dye your actual hair a really bright colour a few days before the wedding? I saw a great multi-coloured rainbow dye in Superdrug a few weeks ago which would be sooo pretty for the wedding.

Bet she'd be wanting you to wear a wig then....

I wouldn't go, and spend the money saved on not buying a new dress on a really nice wig

Are you from a different cultural background to your H and his family, by any chance? (You don't have to specify which background you/they have)

Regina how did she put forward these requests? Text to you/DH? Phone call? If she sent them in writing and nobody has responded yet then I'd be tempted to treat it as the toddler-esque tantrum it is, ignore it completely and wear whichever wig and outfit you had already planned. I can guarantee that not responding at all and behaving as though nothing has been said will wind her up more than anything you could possibly say.

Out of nosy-ness, how did she word it? I just can't even imagine how you would put these batshit demands across.

The wig thing is REALLY SPITEFUL and I would not dream of trying to control someone in this or any other way. Sending love x

My reply was in response to the 'man's perspective' pp implying that op should deal with this herself. Ah! Thanks for clarifying

I bet look bloody gorgeous in your wig and usual clothes and this is what her problem is.

Fuck 'em. Don't go. And like the poster above says, it does sound like you might have different cultural backgrounds, but that doesn't actually excuse anything, although it it's interesting from an anthropological perspective.

I cannot imagine even thinking about going to the wedding of someone so rude. Do not let your husband guilt you in any way. His family. His problem. Being polite is a cooperative endeavor, and if they're not going to play the game, resign from playing.

Are you from a different cultural background to your H and his family, by any chance? Is there a culture that frowns upon all women, adopted kids, wigs and dress sense?

I wouldn't even bother going if your going nc with them. Why put yourself out there to feel uncomfortable all day?

I just had a thought. You could agree to her insane requests, but then wear a great big turban in a garish, clashing colour to her chosen dress. I'm sure she would love that in all her wedding photos.

I wear wigs due to trichotillomania. If anyone said I couldn't wear it to their event I'd not bothering going and I'd have absolutely no issue in telling them why

@AnotherShirtRuined 😂😂😂

What is her reason for not wanting you to wear your wig?

I don't know op, there are two sides to every story and this seems quite extreme. If you try really hard to see thing from her perspective - why do she and your PIL not like you? What is it about you?

Maybe you can find a constructive way forward.

she doesn't want you at the wedding and knows these demands will piss you off enough to not come. Will your husband go if you don't? I think he needs to support you in this and tell her that her demands are unreasonable and it feels like she doesn't want you to come to the wedding. Say it to her and bring it in the open. Let her say that she either wants you at the wedding or not. If she wants you and your husband at the wedding she should bring these ridiculous demands down. And no way on earth will I let anyone dress me for an occasion especially if they don't particularly like me. They are most likely to choose an unflattering outfit that will look horrible on me. May be that is her intention?