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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DHs sister is a bridezilla?

284 replies

ReginaGeorge2nd · 21/01/2019 07:56

If I’m honest...we have never got on. As a matter of fact, I have never got on with his entire family but that’s a thread in itself.

She is getting married in April and has requested me to:

  1. Not to wear a wig (my hair is super thin and balding and makes me super uncomfortable so I tend to wear proper, human hair wigs in public/to occasions- I’m talking a decent one, not a green Mohawk from the joke shop)
  2. Wear a dress of her choosing (not a bridesmaid or part of the wedding party in any form) because she doesn’t like my “fashion sense”. I don’t dress like a cheap hooker, but I’m not a fussy old fashioned type either

As DH has insisted I’m part of the wedding photos she feels she has a right to demand these things

AIBU?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 21/01/2019 08:13

Oh please agree

and then turn up on the day in a see you Jimmy hat and some leather Battie Riyders....

Mum94 · 21/01/2019 08:14

Not at all! From the sounds of things she's asked you not to wear a wig as a way to make you feel uncomfortable! I would say don't go, but I can only imagine the pressure you feel under to attend!
I'd have a word with Hubby as well as he should be supporting you on this, you two are a unit and he should help you challange should a horrid request!
As for the dress, asl ong you like it and she pays, might be worth thinking about, everyone loves a freebie, right? :) Good luck, with whatever you decide!

Handprints2018 · 21/01/2019 08:14

So basically she dislikes you, doesnt want you in photos so is making you look as shit as she can (hideous dress i suspect) to have you refuse to go or look awful and be unhappy.

I think your dh needs to answer why he supports her treating you like this...

ShatnersWig · 21/01/2019 08:15

@User OP has now clarified what was not terribly clear. But any use of the word "insisted" from a partner rather than a manager at work can fuck right off.

Neolara · 21/01/2019 08:15

Is this her way of ensuring you don't come?

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/01/2019 08:15

Tell her to jog on, is she making her bridesmaids look ugly too? The wig thing is actually cruel and unless you have form for dressing like a bride/stripper then that's just controlling. I bet she has form for this sort of crap and everyone just lets her get away with it.

Handprints2018 · 21/01/2019 08:16

He gets grief from his parents? So they support her nastiness? Silent support is fuck all suport really. Its just lip service to you while supporting their behaviour.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/01/2019 08:18

she’s a bitch op...not that this would justify it but is she offering to buy your dress too?
I wouldn’t go tbh

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/01/2019 08:18

she’s a bitch op...not that this would justify it but is she offering to buy your dress too?
I wouldn’t go tbh

Suziepoozie · 21/01/2019 08:18

I can maybe understand the dress but the wig just sounds mean. It’s obviously something that you wear to make you feel more confident and it sounds to me like she’s trying to undermine you. If the dress she wants you in is nice, wear it. I wouldn’t even entertain being told what to do with my hair.

musicalxo · 21/01/2019 08:19

She is being super rude af.

I'm glad your DH is siding with you but he needs to talk to his sister. His parents are giving him grief? Wtf?

Wear your wig! Is she gonna pay for the dress though?

PepsiLola · 21/01/2019 08:19

Your DH needs to say to his DSis how fucking disgusting it is that she is dictating you are not wearing a wig. And she has no say on the matter as to what you do with your hair.

He then can say you can choose a colour or pick a dress from one of my wife's choices j will send you.

That way she is still being bridezilla, she can't moan at wedding party photos, and your DH is looking out for you

Ravenclawclassof84 · 21/01/2019 08:19

As DH has insisted I’m part of the wedding photos she feels she has a right to demand these things
As your DH, he also has the right to tell his sister and family that you will not be made to feel uncomfortable and awful for the bride's sake and stand proudly by you regardless of her worthless opinions.

silkpyjamasallday · 21/01/2019 08:20

I wouldn't be going, and I would be telling her why not. Her actions are just cruel, pointless nastiness. Feel sorry for her husband to be.

MarthasGinYard · 21/01/2019 08:20

'I can maybe understand the dress'

Seriously?

Op isn't a BM she's just a guest at the wedding.

I just couldn't imagine telling someone what dress to wear to my wedding.

MoreCheeseDear · 21/01/2019 08:21

Tell her to fuck off and wear what you like.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/01/2019 08:21

She is being awful. Imagine how your husband would feel if she insisted he grow a beard or shave off his moustache or dye his hair. I think he could be much more supportive especially about something that's going to affect your confidence. It is not a normal occurrence at weddings so she is not being reasonable, she is just criticising your choices - if she desperately wanted you in a dress of her choosing she should have asked you to be bridesmaid.

What is the reason behind her not wanting you to wear a wig?

As a massive compromise on your part I'd try and recognise that some weddings (very few) have strict dress codes. I'd choose 3 outfit options including wig from outfits you already have (ones you think she'll like) and ask her to choose which one she likes best and you'll wear that. Unless she wants to buy you a new outfit?

Servernotslave · 21/01/2019 08:23

Truly an outrageous bitch.

I’d text her and say “I’ve been thinking about your request and I’m really offended. I genuinely don’t think it was your intention but if I were to comply it would make me hugely uncomfortable. Therefore, shall we just gloss over it and look forward to your big day. Let me know if you need anything”

Now I know she doesn’t deserve the kindness here, but you’ve already got the measure of her, her card is truly marked. But there is no point in causing ww3 but you can distance yourself a bit for the future and keep polite. Be gracious and leave karma to fuck up yer day- you won’t be the only person she’s been rude to.

Qcng · 21/01/2019 08:24

So your DH parents don't like you? Nor his wife to be's parents? They'll presumably all be at this wedding, sounds horrid. I'd give it a miss.

Allabitmuchisntit · 21/01/2019 08:27

Who the fuck does she think she is?
I'd go to her bloody wedding alright.
I'd also be telling everyone at said wedding, what she had "instructed" me to do.

Bloody people.

Itsnotme123 · 21/01/2019 08:27

Explain to the bride that it’s important that you wear your wig. Maybe the bride doesn’t realise what she’s requesting. And maybe you can go with her to choose your outfit with her so you both agree on it.

If she still doesn’t listen then I would book the spa day for yourself on the wedding day, and we can then read a new thread on MN about bride who’s bridesmaid had the cheek o do that. 😂

PastaCake · 21/01/2019 08:29

I can just about understand the dress, if everyone else in the main family group is wearing a certain style or colour. If not then it's a just rude to demand you wear a certain outfit.

I can't understand why she'd tell you not to wear the wig at all. You say it's a good quality one so it probably doesn't even look like a wig.

noctu · 21/01/2019 08:29

Jaw dropping. YANBU.

How was this communicated to you - did DH sister contact you directly with the request, or has it come to you via DH?

ShanghaiDiva · 21/01/2019 08:29

She is being rude and doesn't have the right to demand anything.
Wear your wig and an outfit of your choosing.
Can't believe her parents support this attitude - unbelievably rude!

Readytogogogo · 21/01/2019 08:30

Her demands are completely outrageous and no reasonable person would judge you for ignoring them. She has no right to make any demands. Sorry you're having to deal with this, I hope your DH stands up for you with all the in laws, if necessary.