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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DHs sister is a bridezilla?

284 replies

ReginaGeorge2nd · 21/01/2019 07:56

If I’m honest...we have never got on. As a matter of fact, I have never got on with his entire family but that’s a thread in itself.

She is getting married in April and has requested me to:

  1. Not to wear a wig (my hair is super thin and balding and makes me super uncomfortable so I tend to wear proper, human hair wigs in public/to occasions- I’m talking a decent one, not a green Mohawk from the joke shop)
  2. Wear a dress of her choosing (not a bridesmaid or part of the wedding party in any form) because she doesn’t like my “fashion sense”. I don’t dress like a cheap hooker, but I’m not a fussy old fashioned type either

As DH has insisted I’m part of the wedding photos she feels she has a right to demand these things

AIBU?

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 21/01/2019 11:24

If things calm down and you go /feel obliged to go/sil has a personality transplant, please stick your tongue out in every photo.

Burlea · 21/01/2019 11:29

Let her choose your outfit but on the day turn up in an outfit of your choosing and a lovely wig. She won't kick off in front of her new in-laws and friends. Or will she.

ShatnersWig · 21/01/2019 11:29

@Badtasteflump In a way, that's as it should be, really. We're just people. There is also ShatnersBasson on here; we're not related but she's a she!

Honeyroar · 21/01/2019 11:38

I think that this would be the perfect occasion to get that green Mohawk from the joke shop...

Honeyroar · 21/01/2019 11:39

Or dress exactly as she requested, but gurn furiously on the pictures!

MarthasGinYard · 21/01/2019 11:39

Kudos to Shatner

He never pitches in with the 'mans perspective' is intro....

TBH I always switch off at those type of posts anyway....

Runningforcocktails · 21/01/2019 11:40

Sounds like she wants control over how you look - probably based on jealousy. Not that it’s even anyone’s business but, is your wig close to your ‘would be’ natural hair if it hadn’t thinned out? Regardless I would be firm and say you are wearing the wig. Don’t even open a conversation about it. As for the dress, I would either suggest to her that you send her a few pics of potential dresses to wear. But if you don’t want to do that (and you shouldn’t bloody have to) tell her to get stuffed.

tillytrotter1 · 21/01/2019 11:41

Can't believe her parents support this attitude - unbelievably rude!

If she's as obnoxious as she sounds they probably take the line of least resistance with her, sometimes it's just easier!
I feel sorry for her husband with some of these responses, he's getting the blame unjustifiably.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/01/2019 11:43

YADNBU What is it about you they all find so offensive? You know it’s their problem not yours.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 21/01/2019 11:43

Yanbu. I’d actually refuse to go. It’ll be a hideous day anyway by the sounds of things.

DonttouchthatLarry · 21/01/2019 11:45

She sounds vile. I'd rather spend a day at home so would invent a sudden attack of d&v on the morning of the wedding and send DH on his own Grin.

KrispyKracker · 21/01/2019 11:48

She has no right to make demands of you. You are invited as a guest. She should pull her head out of her arse and her groom should probably be thinking twice, unless of course he is as much of an idiot as she is.

elvis86 · 21/01/2019 11:49

Why on earth would you go? Knowing that they all hate you, the bride and groom have had to be coerced into having you and your kids on family group photos, and SIL is being cruel and insulting about what you'll be wearing? I don't understand why people continue to try and force family relationships in these scenarios.

And I genuinely don't understand how your husband can continue to engage with his family when they treat you and your children like this.

You're supposed to be the most important person / people in his life. I would absolutely expect my OH to have my back in these situations, and I'd do the same for him.

Knittedfairies · 21/01/2019 11:55

She's not a bridezilla; she is a cruel, deeply unpleasant woman. (I'd be tempted to tell her I would be wearing a hat to her wedding, but wouldn't tell her it's made of human hair...)

MustShowDH · 21/01/2019 11:59

Agree to everything, then on the day be 'ill'. Warn your DH in advance so he doesn't feel let down.
Have a day at home watching Netflix and eating take away - It will be much more fun and you can wear what you like!

IsItThatTimeAgain · 21/01/2019 12:05

She's not a bridezilla, she's a vicious cunt, who clearly ferls threatened by you. Wear your wig and whatever non-white dress you feel like.

ShatnersWig · 21/01/2019 12:08

@MarthasGinYard Always liked your username. I only ever mention my gender if it's germane to the discussion. Although I do have a habit for for stating "We're not all ladies on MN..." if I'm on a thread when an OP says "thanks, ladies" or "I need your advice, ladies".

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/01/2019 12:09

She has absolutely no right to ask you not to wear a wig, if it's what you usually do to public functions etc. It's not like you're Cher or Lady Gaga, is it. So wear your wig.

Equally, she might not like your fashion sense but so what? Whoever does like all their guests' fashion sense? So no, as you're not part of the wedding party, she doesn't get to choose your clothes for you either.

I really would consider not going to this wedding as it sounds like it'll be a serious trial to you anyway; but I would also be guided by what your DH wants.

If he's prepared to stand up for you and tell his sister where she can stick her "requests", but still wants to attend, then I'd go with him out of solidarity.
But if he doesn't stick up for you, then he can either go by himself or not at all. If he chooses to go by himself (which I can actually understand, it's very hard to snub a sibling's wedding, even if they are being a cunt) then I wouldn't be happy about it, but I'd accept it.

However, if he chooses to go no contact with them over this then that is his choice. Your guilty over your mother is yours to own (or learn to give up on) - but he won't necessarily feel the same way, so don't hold him hostage with your guilt, let him find his own way and make his own choices.

Ngaio2 · 21/01/2019 12:21

OP can you have a quiet word with your Mil about your need to wear the wig? If it’s possible to get her on your side that may help.
Otherwise, do you really want to appear in the family photos? I’d personally be pleased, in the circumstances, to give it a miss. If you aren’t in the photos, then SIL ‘s objections to your appearance don’t hold. Who except family is going to see the pics or care who’s in them?

thewayoftheplatypus · 21/01/2019 12:21

Asking you not to wear a wig seems unnecessarily cruel. Clearly she wants to make you feel uncomfortable and that’s not ok.

She also has no right to tell you what dress to wear. However. Is there a compromise to be had here where she could tell you her colour scheme/a colour she would like you to wear?

I say this because I unintentionally ruined my SILs wedding photos! I was heavily pregnant and wore a (very pretty) red floral dress because it was all I could find that would fit. Everyone else was wearing pastels- everyone. I am like a big fat red ball lurking in all the photos! She is far too polite to ever have mentioned it, but I feel horribly guilty whenever I see them x

TellMeItsNotTrue · 21/01/2019 12:22

Ok that's fine, just to let you know that I've decided to shave off what hair I do have, since I wear wigs anyway and it just makes sense Smile I promise not to cover my head with a wig for your special day though, as you wish Smile

That should sort that problem Wink then if asked just say you changed your mind/hairdresser advised against it, but wore a wig as she asked you to Grin

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 21/01/2019 12:23

I clearly didn’t come across clear in my post- DH is siding with me on this but is obviously in difficult position it’s his sister, the grief off his parents, doesn’t want to tarnish their view of me further etc

I'm not sure that it's possible for them to hate you more.

You're on a hiding to nothing.

JenniferJareau · 21/01/2019 12:24

Why should he deal with it?

Considering he created the situation follows he should deal with it.

Butchyrestingface · 21/01/2019 12:24

Man's perspective?

Why is it whenever someone feels the need to announce their manliness as an opening gambit, invariably a load of bollocks follows?

Topic for a sociology dissertation perhaps.

ShatnersWig · 21/01/2019 12:28

@Butchyrestingface I did a quick AS. That poster has a limited posting history but he's done at least one other post beginning with "Man's perspective" and on another thread in Bereavement asked an OP "Are you a spinster?" So I think we know precisely what to do with his perspective - sharpen it and shove it where the sun don't shine!