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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what's wrong with my son

999 replies

stressedmum0f3 · 21/01/2019 06:45

He is 4.5yr old.
Since July 2017 (when his sister started crawling) he has become obsessed with her and obsessed with being horrible to her.
I am crying as I write this so please be kind.

  • he will put toys in front of her, wait until she goes to get it then snatch it away
  • shut her hand in doors
  • make her spit on stuff
  • 5 toys that he got for Christmas he has broken (his reason, he wanted to)
And now his new thing he is hellbent on waking her up, at 4am this morning he picked up two toys clashed them together and said her name multiple times, then she woke up crying. When I went through to his room, he dived back into bed pretending to be asleep. I have a 7 month old now too and the behaviour is transferring onto her. (He will throw toys at her in her high chair) or he will bang toys off the floor to get her to look at him. If she does happen to look he will run away. And the other day he has started to pick the wall off Sad I am exhausted, I feel like I'm doing something wrong as nobody in the history of the world seems to experience this. I don't think we are all ever in the same room for too long as I cannot cope. I don't know what to do anymore. Does anybody have any advice?
OP posts:
Original poster
stressedmum0f3 · 21/01/2019 16:33

I haven't said no I'm not doing that to every suggestion! I've contacted the relevant people to see if I can get more help, I've taken dd cot down stairs. I'm just not open to having her in a high chair

OP posts:
needsleepzzz · 21/01/2019 16:34

I wish i had some advice OP but i don't, just want to send Flowers and a hope and wish that this gets easier for you.

Nothisispatrick · 21/01/2019 16:35

But there are loads of things you could be found at HOME to improve things for all your children. A diagnosis of adhd or autism isn’t going to magically fix his behaviour or keep your girls safe. I really feels like you are dismissing everything as it’s too much effort on your part.

Nothisispatrick · 21/01/2019 16:35

*doing not found

Original poster
stressedmum0f3 · 21/01/2019 16:35

After all I've mentioned on here I can't believe I'm berated for not having a 2 year old in a high chair. No matter what she is doing, it doesn't excuse his behaviour and I've already said she doesn't like sitting at the table as usually he will trap her hands between the chairs.

OP posts:
Whothere · 21/01/2019 16:36

What do you think of the fact that most posters are saying your children need to eat at the table not on the floor or wandering around but you are completely disagreeing?

adaline · 21/01/2019 16:36

I'm just not open to having her in a high chair

Why are you so set against something that would help you massively? It would mean she's a) safe, b) eating her meals at the table like she should be, and c) it would mean that your DS wasn't resenting her for having different rules to him.

Reading your posts you don't seem to have many boundaries and while that was probably manageable with one DC, it's not manageable now you have three of them who all have different needs. So many people have made really simple, sensible suggestions and you just say "no".

SoupDragon · 21/01/2019 16:37

even ds was not in a high chair at that age!

Was he eating seated at the table or just anywhere he wanted?

lunicorn · 21/01/2019 16:37

Sorry, have only read beginning and end of this post so may have missed some of what you've explained.
To me, your description of his behaviours sits well outside the normal range for jealousy, lack of routine etc. His behaviour sounds extreme and worrying.
If you've not already seen go and described his behaviour in detail, I would. He needs a referral for an assessment by a paediatrian.

lunicorn · 21/01/2019 16:37

See. Gp

Kardashianlove · 21/01/2019 16:37

I don't care if she sits on the floor. I know she will not sit in a high chair, even ds was not in a high chair at that age!
But then you end up in a position where you try to go to Burger King and your DS can’t
sit at the table to eat.

Original poster
stressedmum0f3 · 21/01/2019 16:37

Anywhere he wanted, it was only a 1 bed and box room we had at that point

OP posts:
adaline · 21/01/2019 16:38

After all I've mentioned on here I can't believe I'm berated for not having a 2 year old in a high chair. No matter what she is doing, it doesn't excuse his behaviou

No, but it certainly goes some way to explain it. You let your toddler dictate where she's fed and where she has her meals. Children don't get to choose - you are the parent, you make those rules, not them.

lunicorn · 21/01/2019 16:39

Yes you can implement more routine, yes you can give him more time and so on, but if his brain is operating differely to most children, you may not get very far.

SoupDragon · 21/01/2019 16:41

Anywhere he wanted

How has that lack of boundaries and routine worked out for you...?

goldengummybear · 21/01/2019 16:41

People keep on bringing up the sitting at the table issue because you have a behavioural problem with your son and don't even have basic rules like sit at the table to eat so it seems linked.

LadyGregorysToothbrush · 21/01/2019 16:42

Anywhere he wanted

Have you ever tried to set any basic rules/boundaries for your DS?

Whothere · 21/01/2019 16:42

I would say Most families don’t have their children eating wherever they want.

Hungrypuffin · 21/01/2019 16:42

It is totally reasonable for a two year old to be in a highchair op. You could put a three year old in one and it wouldn’t be unreasonable.

Original poster
stressedmum0f3 · 21/01/2019 16:43

He does sit at the table, but will play around. Like I've already said. If dd is not there (very rare) he can sit nicely and will not get up.

OP posts:
Kardashianlove · 21/01/2019 16:43

I can't believe I'm berated for not having a 2 year old in a high chair.
Because people can see the connection between this and your DS behaviour and are concerned you will have 3 DC with behaviour like your DS because boundaries haven’t been enforced from the beginning.

she doesn't like sitting at the table
But it’s your job as her parent to teach her apropriare behaviour regardless of whether she likes it. If she ‘didn’t like’ going to bed and wanted to sit up all night watching TV would you let her?

adaline · 21/01/2019 16:43

Anywhere he wanted, it was only a 1 bed and box room we had at that point

Seems to me you're now reaping the consequences of not bothering to set those boundaries when he was young.

popcornwizard · 21/01/2019 16:44

You're not seeing what everyone else is. It's not just the highchair, you need to look at the bigger picture. He doesn't know what what he's supposed to do as he doesn't have the basic building blocks of acceptable behavior.

Supernanny has been mentioned more than once. Watch it. You need routine (and chairs)

DuffBeer · 21/01/2019 16:44

I don't understand the resistance to the high chair? It would keep her out of harms way, surely?

SoupDragon · 21/01/2019 16:45

Of course he plays up when he is made to sit at the table whilst his sister "the interloper" gets to sit on the floor wherever she likes.

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