To object to an 11yr old girl sharing a bedroom with a 16yr old boy?

[wishuponarainbow]

Looking for opinions please!

Is it ever OK for a 16yr old boy (man?) to share a room with an 11yr old girl?

They are not blood relatives.

The fact that the boy and his younger half sister are expected to share a room illustrates a very fucked up family attitude, regardless of what the LA says. The situation in this home is unacceptable even without the presence of the completely unrelated DD.

How do you expect people to fun moves to get another bedroom? Where I live that would put the difference from a 2 bed (950-1200) to over £1600. In wat fantasy land do you live, that people can magic up a minimum of £400 extra in rent a month without it impacting on other areas ?

No it isnt ideal. We all know that.

The wishes of the child are paramount.

I too object to the default position that the 16yo (boy not man) is a predatory paedophile. I would suggest you all take a long hard look at your sons and tell us if you see them in the same way.

He is clearly an idiot as is his girlfriend.

I would refuse contact until resolved to your satisfaction.

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The girls could share the room and the boy can stay up late with Xbox or whatever. There will be a solution but it's attitude that's wrong. Perhaps gf can get a bigger flat. I remember staying with cousins and lots of silly giggling about underwear an pjs, nothing predatory but kids can be curious and it was embarrassing. Op is right, dad is an arse.

Pink its not about the boy being a rapist but about inappropriate boundaries. If you don't understand those, you should probably do some reading.

The wishes of children are not paramount, for obvs reasons. Their needs are, and teenagers need seperate sex space for decency and privacy.

It’s not about assuming boys or men are rapists. It’s about ensuring appropriate boundaries and dignity are maintained. If it was a 16 year old girl and 11 year old boy I wouldn’t think it was appropriate either.

No, never. How on earth can they think that's ok?!

To be honest if he carries on with abuse I'd debate contacting a solicitor or social services because that really is not ok - I'd have to ask how long it's gone on for and what else he thinks is acceptable.

Perhaps gf can get a bigger flat How is the magic flat going to be funded ?

Blow up beds in the sitting room for the same age girls since they get on would be the obvious answer imo.

Blow up beds in the sitting room for the same age girls since they get on would be the obvious answer imo.

I am assuming the issue is lack of privacy ? so where would they get dressed? Someone is going to suggest going to the bathroom, or the parents bedroom etc, which still stands if the children are all sleeping in together. You can move to the bathroom to get un/dressed.

However the issue is that the girl no longer wants to stay over, that is the end of the matter.

I still object to the inference the boy is a predator, waiting to pounce.

No-one is assuming the boy is a predator - but it’s possible. If there was a random uncle living there I’m sure no-one would be suggesting the dd bunk in with him. Even though he would statistically be pretty unlikely to be a paedophile it wouldn’t be a comfortable arrangement for either party. This boy is 16 - basically an adult so why is it any different?

Good, stop contact if this is happening, as it is highly inappropriate for your dd.

Unfortunately my ExH and his girlfriend are not seeing things from DDs perspective, or indeed as many have mentioned from that of the 16yr old.
I wish they would read this thread and realise that the situation js not OK for anyone involved.

I do not want to prevent my DD from having a relationship with her Dad but I also don't want to put her in a situation where her views are not listened to, especially around her privacy/sleeping arrangements and wellbeing at an age where she should be able to express her views.

I think if either her Dad or his partner were to acknowledge that the situation wasn't great and they were doing x to try to solve it this could be easily resolved.

However DD has now received a message from her Dad telling her to "wise up and until she does she won't be seeing him." This man is almost 50!!

I'm disgusted that he's doing this to her. I've always said that I would never stop him from seeing his DD (although he's always had EOW he's never been too bothered about additional contact).

DD has now expressed concern that her Dad might tell me they are not going to stay at the girlfriends but then take her to stay anyway. DD has said that she knows her dad will try to "make her feel bad" and she doesn't want to upset him.
I've reassured her again that I've made it clear to him that she is not to stay overnight if it means sharing a room with 16yr old and if he can't guarantee that she doesn't have to go.

I'm going to seek legal advice too. Thanks to those who have posted info re. court and housing etc. We're in Scotland so not sure of court situation here but I'll definitely look into it.

Thanks again for all your support-when two people who allegedly care about DD are telling me I'm overreacting and not putting daughter first etc etc, along with personal insults it's good to have others clarifying that's not the case (even if I knew deep down). Hope that all makes sense!

Make sure your dd doesn’t delete any of the messages she’s had from her dad. I think the way he is reacting to her being worried constitutes emotional abuse.

They all need privacy/ boundaries and I know if two situations where an older teenage boy abused his younger half sister and another where the male cousin abuse his younger female cousin on ‘sleepover’ situations.

I would contact AS tell them that your DD is receiving emotional abuse and show the messages. They can talk to your ex, he will have to listen. I know she will miss her Dad if she doesn't see him she needs to be protected fromthe emotional abuse. I can imagine the young man is probably being bullied by the adults into sharing his room too, but that is not your concern.

OP rest assured that you are in the right here. You are looking out for your DD.
Her dad is unbelievable and it sounds like he's not really that fussed about DD and no doubt keeps up the EOW arrangement as it feels like he still has some control over you. It says it all that DD has to fit in with his life and not inconvenience him in any way rather than the other way round doesn't it? In all honesty she is probably better off seeing a lot less of him.

Also re him texting her upsetting messages I would be tempted to block his number tbh. What kind of father does that

Jesus christ OP, your Ex sounds like an utter Prick, manipulating and bullying his young daughter in such a vile nasty way. What a horrible bastard. Stand your ground Mum, for your DD.

No, it's not appropriate.
My sister was in the same position as your ex and his g.f. They rectified it by my sister sleeping with the daughter, and the ex sleeping with the son. In their case, the daughter was 18 and the son was 16.
Maybe that is something they could consider?

Definitely not appropriate & I say this as someone who's 11yo DS periodically kips in his 17yo sisters room.

If there is no room for your DD I would suggest he gets a sofa bed for the living room.

You're ex is a childish prick to be sending such messages to dd. Happy days if she never bloody sees him again if that's his attitude towards the person who should be the most important person in his life.

Sharing a bedroom

?If two people of the opposite sex have to sleep in the same room, the accommodation will be overcrowded unless they are:*

1 married, in a civil partnership or living together, or
2 one or both of them is under ten years old

So they are over occupied even without dd there.

Crap bolding there. That was taken from the Scottish housing website.

Op could you contact NSPCC for some advice?

"Dd is being forced to share a room with a 16yp boy even following a request to sleep on the sofa. Another young girl also sleeps every night in the room with the 16yo boy who is not related to her. My dcs requests to sleep elsewhere are being refused".