My first baby and MIL

[LauraBrown1]

Okay guys AIBU? I just need to get this out there and know it's not me just being a hormonal pregnant girl.
So I'm 11 weeks pregnant and since about week 4 my partners parents went and surprised us with a pram and a play pen. I was shocked, I hadn't even given any though yet of what pram I would like and even the fact I would need one so soon! It's beautiful don't get my wrong. MIL has also bought bibs, babygrows, nappies, dummies etc... she's even had cardigans knitted (like the old fashioned type) I expected these kind of things as you usually get them as gifts from friends and family at baby showers and such. She told me how my partners grandad almost bought us this old Victorian cot from a charity shop the other week so I had to butt in and tell her to tell him not to as my parents offered to buy the cot. Our vision of our first child's baby room is exciting, as any parent-to-be would be.. we want to paint it all neutral colours like grey/ white and cream and saw some lovely light wooden colour furniture from ikea. This is our dream nursery. She's messaged me today with a picture of a BLUE rocking bed for baby.. I feel like I want to cry. We (obviously) don't know the gender yet but we've mentioned loads how we would love a little girl. Now my problem is, I feel like I'm not going to have a chance to buy anything for my baby myself. Also I'm 11 weeks pregnant! I haven't even had my first scan yet! I'm so early, and not to put a black eye on stuff but I'm not in the 'safe zone' yet. I feel like she's clearly excited as it's her first grandchild too but it's overwhelming! DP hasn't mentioned anything to her and I'm scared to bring this topic up with him.
I've just spoken to my mother on the phone and she's quite annoyed as she wanted to buy the rocker and feels as if it's so early too. What do I do? Or AIBU and stupid?

@FridgeFullOfChocolate see my MIL also lost her first child at a week old, her son never really got into detail what went wrong but I think that's maybe another reason why she's wanting to be so involved..

You are really being so generous MIL. I have picked out our dream nursery already and excited to share it with you. I’ll send you the link to IKEA which has the cot and rocker we want and .... store that has the Chang table and rug. Do you still have the receipt for the pram because I REALLY have fallen in love with .... pram, so let’s exchange the one you bought or you can keep it at your house. big smile

She is being far too controlling choosing baby furniture for you. But I can see she is also being generous. Send her links to the thing you actually want and see if she is happy to buy those things instead

Time to put a halt to mils buying spree
Be honest with her tell her that you were looking forward to picking out own big items much later in the pregnancy

And if you're feeling generous you could offer to bring her along to browse with you
If you still want own choice of pram/cot , rocker by all means do go shopping with your dp for your baby

I'd drop stuff including rocker back to hers too stating it's way way too early for baby items that you'll let her know in future what you need after you've picked it out yourself

You said she only lives across the road, so get DP to drop the rocker back over there this evening. No excuse to leave it at yours.

You don't sound like you're eating enough. That's probably why you're feeling lightheaded and dizzy. No breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and soup for tea. Why so little?

we've mentioned loads how we would love a little girl

Boys are good too 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Motoko I agree with you there.
It's a long journey for me to get to work and usually I just pick up a sandwich on the way, my mums been very mad actually that I told her that and I think I'm going to start making my own dinner and bringing it in with me in the future.

@MrsWillGardner i agree too. It's just whenever people ask what you'd love your first to be I always say a girl as there is so little in both families. Nothing else meant by that

Can't your partner cook you dinner when you get home from work? Or, this is something your MIL could help with, as she lives so close. That way, she can still feel involved.

my boss has told me with being pregnant I can take more.

Did you need to tell them before your first scan?

@Motoko my partners a chef and works until 11 o'clock each night so by the time he gets home I'm asleep.

@PoutySprout yes I needed to tell work, my job consists of picking up and carrying heavy boxes. I'm a beauty consultant but I also have to sort out the stock room and I use ladders. It's health and safety if I didn't tell them and god forbid anything happened it would be my fault

Tell her to back off, its oppressive

This reminds me of my MIL. Although we didn't tell anyone until 14 weeks as we waited until we'd had the first scan. Once we found out it was a boy, MIL went absolutely insane in the shops. Not only newborn things, but 9-12 month clothes etc. The volume was unbelievable, to the point she'd buy the same things twice because she'd lose track. I found it very stressful, I was anxious about the baby (didn't have a baby shower etc). I just didn't want to celebrate his safe arrival until he'd safely arrived. DH felt caught in the middle. In the end I just gave most of it straight to charity/other pregnant people. I love picking out things I like. It's great when family help out financially but your MIL is overstepping the mark.

Maybe say thanks, some of this can stay at yours as we are picking our own stuff.
Might make her chill out on the buying a bit

@louella99 seems like you and I and a lot of other posters have been in the same boat then. It's more annoying that it's my first and I'm so excited about preparing and all and she's kind of taking it away from me. I agree with giving stuff back to charity too, for example that bloody rocker!

I don't get this obsession some grandparents have with wanting to buy the big items.

It's called 'buying a present' or 'helping out'

Which we did. But the parents chose whatever the item was,

@Nanny0gg agree

Seems like your mil has ignored your request and brought it over regardless, I'm so glad I don't have to put up with this sh#t anymore due to no contact

I’d hate this. I wanted to choose my own pram and babygrow. I would have said thanks but no thanks straight away!

Gifts are lovely but sometimes you want to choose the things yourself. Mil keeps buying outfits for DD which I return to the shop or just give to friends as it’s not my taste!

I'm a new Grandma and I just used to remind myself how I enjoyed preparing for my babies. My parents paid for the travel system and cot but me and DH picked it. So I did similar recently for DS and DIL.

Your DP should talk to her but if he doesn't step up I would ask her to understand how you feel. If she can't be bothered to do that start returning the gifts and don't worry about upsetting her as she isn't concerned about upsetting you.

I just thought I was being selfish at first but I'm glad other people see it that way too. Me and DP never get much time off work together; maybe 1 day a fortnight and we were looking forward to spending that day looking at Prams and core and such. It's like it's all been taken away from us

Ok, but you still need to eat more. Perhaps do some batch cooking at the weekend, and get a slow cooker. You can buy precut veggies, some meat, and baby new potatoes, and bung them all in the slow cooker in the morning, put it on low, and you'll have dinner ready when you get home.

You live with a chef! Surely he can make you some decent meals to heat up?

@PoutySprout he works 12 hour shifts every day, last thing he wants to do when he's home is continue to cook for me to take to work. I'm going to make my own food from now on and bring it in with me.

@PhoebeBear - You definitely need to eat more. Especially breakfast, and definitely more substantial than soup at teatime if you're just having a sandwich at lunch. More food and I think the dizziness will stop.

PhoebeBear, I get it, I really do. MIL booked two weeks off work to come and stay after DD arrived, which was out of the question for me due to my mental health. Our first died shortly after birth so it was really sensitive and difficult for all of us. It was incredibly hard but I had to explain my needs for the biggies (time to myself after the birth) and compromise on the minor issues (clothes and toys which she brought and made too early as it was a good omen in her mind). She hasn't got a lot of money so cots and prams were out of the question (sadly as neither have we and my parents are both dead!) so we didn't have that problem.

I guess what I'm saying is you have a good woman living over the road who you get on well with and who will probably be invaluable once your baby arrives. You hear a lot on here about nightmare MILs, but the reality for me and my group of nct friends has been that they are a lifeline when you've not slept or eaten and you don't know what the baby wants. You can set up camp at her house and let her enjoy the baby while you have a poo and drink a hot drink. Also your baby will have decent family close by.

Your problem will probably be easily solved by saying 'MIL, I'd like to pick out the pram and cot once I've got a big fat bump to show off please'. After that there might be some comprises on both sides, but it's generally non-traumatic in the long run.

Eat more. Look up the recommended calorie intake for your current weight and stick to that until you are further along when you might need more. As an aside, your DH is going to be doing an awful lot of things that are the last thing he wants to do in a few months, so best he gets used to it now.

Reading these posts I'm so glad we were abroad for both of ours, we told them a date two weeks later than the true one and never responded to questions about health etc., this was before email etc.

We didn't have anyone there either, we managed though and my mother then was able to look at others who were surgically attached to their mothers after a birth, SIL especially, and say how well I'd managed without that nonsense!