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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My first baby and MIL

158 replies

LauraBrown1 · 20/01/2019 13:19

Okay guys AIBU? I just need to get this out there and know it's not me just being a hormonal pregnant girl.
So I'm 11 weeks pregnant and since about week 4 my partners parents went and surprised us with a pram and a play pen. I was shocked, I hadn't even given any though yet of what pram I would like and even the fact I would need one so soon! It's beautiful don't get my wrong. MIL has also bought bibs, babygrows, nappies, dummies etc... she's even had cardigans knitted (like the old fashioned type) I expected these kind of things as you usually get them as gifts from friends and family at baby showers and such. She told me how my partners grandad almost bought us this old Victorian cot from a charity shop the other week so I had to butt in and tell her to tell him not to as my parents offered to buy the cot. Our vision of our first child's baby room is exciting, as any parent-to-be would be.. we want to paint it all neutral colours like grey/ white and cream and saw some lovely light wooden colour furniture from ikea. This is our dream nursery. She's messaged me today with a picture of a BLUE rocking bed for baby.. I feel like I want to cry. We (obviously) don't know the gender yet but we've mentioned loads how we would love a little girl. Now my problem is, I feel like I'm not going to have a chance to buy anything for my baby myself. Also I'm 11 weeks pregnant! I haven't even had my first scan yet! I'm so early, and not to put a black eye on stuff but I'm not in the 'safe zone' yet. I feel like she's clearly excited as it's her first grandchild too but it's overwhelming! DP hasn't mentioned anything to her and I'm scared to bring this topic up with him.
I've just spoken to my mother on the phone and she's quite annoyed as she wanted to buy the rocker and feels as if it's so early too. What do I do? Or AIBU and stupid?

OP posts:
Highonthehill · 20/01/2019 14:26

The pram alone would pee me off. It took me and dh ages to test out all the prams to work out what we liked, what drove well, what could go in the boot of the car, how easy it was to put up and collapse.

I think you or dp need to tell her that you appreciate the support but don't want to get anything before the 12 week scan and then major purchases need to have your say so.

Both my parents and in laws were very good and just gave us the money for what we needed but from the outset we told them all that things were being done our way and we needed to buy what we wanted and they respected that.

Clothes etc are fine but major pieces of furniture or decor not. This is your baby not theirs.

Fundays12 · 20/01/2019 14:27

Just say thanks but you want to buy your own cot etc so she can keep it at hers.

diddl · 20/01/2019 14:28

You can afford to buy stuff, can't you?

I mean she's not doing this to save you money is she & presenting them as gifts rather than taking you shopping & then paying?

Greenglassteacup · 20/01/2019 14:28

I don’t know why anyone would buy a pram before a heartbeat has been detected. I wish you all the best OP I really do but buying so much stuff so early on seems mad.

Jokie · 20/01/2019 14:29

Definitely set your boundaries and I understand your excitement but there's reasons they say to wait to tell people.

If your DH is a mummy's boy then I'd state something like: you know how happy I am to have your mum involved, but we need to guide her to what we do and don't need and go from there.

I'd agree with a PP about not letting them know your due date as I'd expect them to be there on the ward (although if they live opposite, I'm guessing they'd see?)

yoyo1234 · 20/01/2019 14:29

So early. I hope all goes really well for you. Unfortunately things may not go to plan ( I have sad personal experience of this). Congratulations.

Greenglassteacup · 20/01/2019 14:30

Me too yo-yo, 4 times

halpert · 20/01/2019 14:34

Wow, I'd say it's past the point of being helpful and now she's just being pushy and irritating.

Tiredismymiddlename85 · 20/01/2019 14:37

I don't understand everyone's 'shock' at telling the MIL that she was pregnant. We told our immediate families after the third test - they weren't overbearing or inappropriate. We're all close so I wouldn't have felt comfortable not revealing it.

gambaspilpil · 20/01/2019 14:37

I remember the excitement of my first baby. The cot, pram etc. Your PIL are forgetting there not the parents, it may be there first grandchild however it’s your first baby and they don’t get to simply go off and purchase everything. It’s really downright rude tbh and not kind. I would message back and say that’s a lovely rocker we can we use it when we come to visit you. Oh and where is there adult son in all this? Probably hiding out somewhere too anxious to ask his parents to back off.

PhoebeBear · 20/01/2019 14:38

@littlemisscynical She basically knew once I wouldn't accept a drink over Christmas and I didn't want to keep it a secret for so long if I'm totally honest. I didn't give her any go ahead, I just never mentioned got her to get to personal with gifts

@diddl that's another thing, she's helped us so much when we've struggled with money so in a way I think she's imagining that we can't afford to buy things for the baby. We mentioned how we started a savings account so we'll be on our feet when time comes with buying things we need etc but I really believe she wants to help so much by buying this and that without asking if we need anything in particular. The pram was the biggest shock! That god it's just plain simple black, I would cry if it was one of these over-the -board ones with fluffy handles and stuff

Lovemusic33 · 20/01/2019 14:39

Get your dh to tell her to back off (but nicely). Just tell her that you want to chose your own baby things as that all a part of the excitement of having a child, offer to give her a list of useful things you might need that she can buy but tell her the bigger items you want to chose with dh.

PhoebeBear · 20/01/2019 14:39

@Tiredismymiddlename85 thank you for that comment. I don't understand why everyone is so shocked too..
It's a happy experience and we both were so excited , it was the first day of December and we thought it would be a nice little Christmas surprise ! 😊

diddl · 20/01/2019 14:40

Hopefully if it's coming from a good place she'll calm down!

Does she knit or sew & could make something personal?

PhoebeBear · 20/01/2019 14:41

@yoyo1234 @Greenglassteacup so sorry to hear that x

That's exactly why I I'd be happy with a simple babygrow or muslin cloths for now because if anything does happen I think I would destroy everything with sadness

PhoebeBear · 20/01/2019 14:42

@diddl she does yes, so does her neighbour so there's no escape! 😂😮

PoutySprout · 20/01/2019 14:42

She's messaged me today with a picture of a BLUE rocking bed for baby.. I feel like I want to cry. We (obviously) don't know the gender yet but we've mentioned loads how we would love a little girl.

FFS.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 20/01/2019 14:42

She's messaged me today with a picture of a BLUE rocking bed for baby.. I feel like I want to cry. We (obviously) don't know the gender yet but we've mentioned loads how we would love a little girl.

Well that's not how it works... Hmm would you have found a pink bed acceptable??

PhoebeBear · 20/01/2019 14:45

@Anotherdayanotherdollar as I mentioned before I do realise that it does not influence the sex of the baby....
I did mention I want to keep all toys/ furniture and decorations just a plain grey or white colour. A blue rocking chair in a neutral colour nursery will stick out like a sore thumb

Raspberry10 · 20/01/2019 14:45

Congratulations on your baby! YANBU, draw your line now and say it’s too early, you don’t want it and to hold firm.

Your OH should have a word with them and get the to stop. If you don’t they will be buying you any old crap for the next 18 years!

I had to talk my MIL out of giving us the shitty ‘family’ cot (we were child 10, you can imagine the state of it!) and my Mum some ancient giant Silver Cross abomination, it was giagantic and we had a 2 up 2 down! Couldn’t have gotten it in the hallway.

PoutySprout · 20/01/2019 14:45

This reply has been deleted

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RebootYourEngine · 20/01/2019 14:46

My exMIL did this. She bought everything when i was pregnant with ds. She had bags and bags of clothes. However she told me a few hours after giving birth that all of that stuff was hers and for her house. ExDH had to rush to the shop and buy whatever clothes were cheap as we didnt have much money. We hadnt budgeted for clothes because she had bought so much. She bought enough to open her own shop. I am so glad she is now exMIL.

PoutySprout · 20/01/2019 14:46

Or is it Phoebe? Confused

PhoebeBear · 20/01/2019 14:47

@PoutySprout you back again? Really every post you're there?!

Someone get the gender/sex police called. This post has COMPLELTY NOTHING. To do with the whole gender/ sex debate so before you try to flip your shit.. take it elsewhere

Bluelady · 20/01/2019 14:50

Oh Jesus @poutysprout, you never miss a chance, do you?

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