My first baby and MIL

[LauraBrown1]

Okay guys AIBU? I just need to get this out there and know it's not me just being a hormonal pregnant girl.
So I'm 11 weeks pregnant and since about week 4 my partners parents went and surprised us with a pram and a play pen. I was shocked, I hadn't even given any though yet of what pram I would like and even the fact I would need one so soon! It's beautiful don't get my wrong. MIL has also bought bibs, babygrows, nappies, dummies etc... she's even had cardigans knitted (like the old fashioned type) I expected these kind of things as you usually get them as gifts from friends and family at baby showers and such. She told me how my partners grandad almost bought us this old Victorian cot from a charity shop the other week so I had to butt in and tell her to tell him not to as my parents offered to buy the cot. Our vision of our first child's baby room is exciting, as any parent-to-be would be.. we want to paint it all neutral colours like grey/ white and cream and saw some lovely light wooden colour furniture from ikea. This is our dream nursery. She's messaged me today with a picture of a BLUE rocking bed for baby.. I feel like I want to cry. We (obviously) don't know the gender yet but we've mentioned loads how we would love a little girl. Now my problem is, I feel like I'm not going to have a chance to buy anything for my baby myself. Also I'm 11 weeks pregnant! I haven't even had my first scan yet! I'm so early, and not to put a black eye on stuff but I'm not in the 'safe zone' yet. I feel like she's clearly excited as it's her first grandchild too but it's overwhelming! DP hasn't mentioned anything to her and I'm scared to bring this topic up with him.
I've just spoken to my mother on the phone and she's quite annoyed as she wanted to buy the rocker and feels as if it's so early too. What do I do? Or AIBU and stupid?

@RebootYourEngine OMG sounds awful!

Oh Jesus @poutysprout, you never miss a chance, do you?

Some just keep giving chances.

@Bluelady have you also found @PoutySprout completely annoying and jumps to cause an argument the second there is a chance?

Is it not still considered unlucky to have a pram in the house before the birth? I recall my mother having a pram and cot upstairs for the young neighbours, when the baby was born it was all hands on deck to get it taken round and organised.

OP firstly tell your MIL thank you but it's far too early and could she discuss purchases with you before buying to avoid wasting her money.

Secondly and very importantly please tell her how safety standards for things like cots have changed over the years to stop things like babies heads getting trapped, and there are also items like blinds for baby rooms, walkers, bouncers and certain slings that are no longer advised for babies/toddlers so you both must research the item before buying anything second hand as you may have to simply bin it if she gives it to you. I've had to bin some stuff given to me as the items are no longer recommended for babies and toddlers.

@tillytrotter1 oh I never heard that. Is it just upstairs it is considered unlucky? I have plenty of room downstairs I can move it to

Secondly and very importantly please tell her how safety standards for things like cots have changed over the years to stop things like babies heads getting trapped

My daughter slept in the cot first slept in by her grandmother (56), me, and many other of her relatives. It can be lovely to use heirloom stuff, and of course it was stripped of the old lead paint etc. It’s about common sense. (As is telling people who will be overexcited 5 minutes after conception.)

The superstition is anywhere in your home.

I wonder if that is why so many offers are made by parents to buy a pram-because they then store it was well?

Blimey she sounds far too excited! I didn't even buy my baby a baby grow until after the 20 week scan as it seemed too early.

I'd be really pissed off if someone chose a pram without consulting us. I know it's a gift but it's a big decision that takes up space and needs to fit your wants/car boot/hallway/pavements etc.

I'd go with sending a text, but I'm a bit of a wuss.

Dear MIL. I love how excited you are about the baby but if I'm honest I'm finding it overwhelming, especially so early on. We will not be buying anything else until after the 20 week anomaly scan and are quite excited ourselves about picking out furniture etc ourselves. I'd love to show you the kind of things we like to keep you involved, but please do not buy us anything else. We appreciate the thought of the rocker but it's not what we're after, so please can it either live at your house or be re-donated to the charity shop.

thanks @seven201 I like that message. I also feel like a wuss when having to confront people too. I've messaged parter as he is at work and says she sent the photo of the rocker to him as well and he nipped it in the bud before I had to. She's keeping it at her place PHEW

Congratulations on your pregnancy 💐.

Good luck in managing her - if you possibly can I would suggest that when you find out the gender you don’t tell her (“keep it as a surprise” or even “they weren’t sure”). That way any gifts you get are much more likely to be in the gender neutral colours you prefer...

If you don't squash this now she will get even worse once baby arrives.

Yes she is excited but she needs to realise the baby is not hers and to calm the fuck down with the buying things.

Buying things that you have chosen yourself for your first baby is part of the joy.

Crikey I didn’t buy anything for dd until just before she was born beyond one outfit. We did change countries while I was heavily pregnant though so it would have been pointless. I made a very last minute Moses basket purchase.

My mother bought my dd a 3 pack of supermarket vests so that’s equally annoying and rather nasty. Apparently she offered to buy the pram but I have no recollection and then refused to buy anything else I suggested to “make up” for this. I expect the vest purchase was passive aggressive.

Your mil sounds very overwhelming. Yy to backing off.

You need to put a stop to this ASAP. To me this isn't normal behaviour especially when you've not even had a first scan yet. DP needs to speak to her and request nothing further is purchased or knitted as you won't be accepting it due to wanting to choose your own things and need some time. Your house will just get filled otherwise. Also this could be the start of an over excited, overbearing MIL who could get worse and she needs boundaries set now. She may be excited but needs to accept this is your exciting time too and yours to plan, she's had her time and she needs to learn to speak with you about baby and baby items first rather than making decisions for herself good luck

I don't get this obsession some grandparents have with wanting to buy the big items. DH and I chose and bought everything. We're the ones using and looking at it every day. We have our own ideas and priorities. Our parents were welcome to buy toys, clothes and stuff to keep at their own houses but that's it.

@PhoebeBear I'm speaking from bitter experience re: giving your MIL the "go ahead". Indirectly you have. I made the same mistakes.

She clearly doesn't think like a rational person. You have overinvolved her. She will only get worse, just wait and see. Baby will arrive and she will be act like the baby is hers. She'll not give a hoot about you after the birth it'll all be about her and her supposed entitlement to the baby.

If she's irritating you now wait until your sore, exhausted and hormonal with a newborn.

The don't have anything in your home/buy anything until the baby is old enough to survive an early labour superstition is incredibly useful at such times.

After all, the pain of coming home from the hospital to have to dispose of the items isn't something anybody should have to go through.

Careful now. If she keeps it at her house along a sudden you'll have given permission for her to have your newborn overnight.

My dd slept in the cot that my grandad made and is over 70 years old.... she seems fine. Not all second hand stuff is rubbish or unsafe.

I bought the pram after my 20 week scan as it was a bargain and had it at the house... Dd is a thriving 17 month old... think that theory needs to be put into the superstitions thread.

However I wouldn't buy loads of stuff because heaven forbid anything goes wrong then you have to deal with all the stuff that could be seen as a reminder.

Also for those slating op for telling family so soon. All the close family knew at 2 weeks... they weren't meant to find out but one brother overheard my mum so we had to tell them all (as it was a brother I would have preferred not know) but they were supportive and actually more helpful knowing especially before 12 weeks at parties (trying to avoid alcohol is not easy and always raises suspicions)

Oh I didn't realise something has happened with the name change, I hope posts are still visible

Your OP is under the username LauraBrown1 but all your other posts are under PhoebeBear. They are visible, but because you're not using the name your OP is in, they're not highlighted in a different colour. This means it's easy to miss your posts, especially as the thread gets longer, as many people skim read, and look for the highlighted posts.

Wow. OP, poor you. You need to kindly tell MIL thanks but that's enough for now.

Congratulations!! Good luck managing the family, now and in the future!

@PhoebeBear - That's okay ☺️. I don't think there is anything wrong with MIL wanting to buy you things but it should be you choosing them. I've had the pram and cot bought for me but we chose it. I think her over excitement is taking the thrill of it all away from you.

This would really annoy me! I think i would have to say something to her, as tactfully as possible, but seriously 11 weeks is far to early IMO to be buying stuff! It would just make me more nervous. I would also like The chance to choose my own stuff for the baby.

I never brought anything until at least 25 weeks and no big stuff like prams until I was over 30 weeks. Maybe I was being too cautious, but I would t have felt comfortable with doing it earlier.

And yes, the pram being in the house before baby is born is meant to be bad luck. I have mine at my mums waiting ☺️