Page 12 | People that have been in Jail.

firsttimedad79 · 2019-01-20T07:55:45+00:00

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity. It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person. I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now. AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

FruitCider · 21/01/2019 09:18

PrisonPerson I did work in a male cat B in the conditions you describe, I now work in closed female estate. I still feel sorry for my patients, but that doesn't mean I condone what they do and why. My own childhood was shit, but I managed to not end up in prison because I know that breaking the law is something I mustn't do if I want to avoid prison, it's not rocket science really. Anyway to avoid judgement I simply don't find out what crimes people are in for.

FruitCider · 21/01/2019 09:19

He was shouting and swearing and wouldn't listen to the police telling him to stop swearing, so he was arrested at 3am on New Years Day 1998.

That's why he was charged with a public order offence. For being offensive. Not for talking when being told not to talk!

canidoitnow · 21/01/2019 10:20

@Zacksnan @Rememberyourhat I understand what your saying and was no way my intention to minimize anything at all, So I an really sorry if that's how it came across. I mentioned all the facts just to to give you a full picture of the circumstances around my accident. It is different hitting someone in daylight, or at night with safety gear on, lights etc.. I genuinely couldn't see him until it was too late. My tears are definitely tragic someone has lost their life, but I'm not looking for sympathy. It's taken me years to deal with this, a few unsympathetic comments are nothing less than I deserve.

@Schuyler The forensics officer said he couldn't draw an accurate conclusion on the speed because of the non helmet. He did say technically the higher the speed the more damage that can be done. I help my hands up to the speeding instantly and volunteered the info the the police, I couldn't live with knowing not only was I a part of this but I then lied to cover it up. The junction goes from a 30 into a 50, so as I was going into the 50, from what I was aware no other traffic I did speed up significantly, biggest single mistake of my life. If only I could turn back the clock...
You said you disagree with my statement about it "being too easy" but by your own admission sometimes casually speed or make mistakes, this is exactly how you find yourself in my position. I am by no means a person who is involved in criminal activity but I made 1 very stupid mistake it it ruined 10s of lives.

@Lizzie48 thank you for your kind words, it is people like you With a bit of understanding who help me get through the days, I understand the judgement but as I said before I am already punishing me self enough I don't need theirs too.

Schuyler · 21/01/2019 10:35

@canidoitnow Firstly, I recognise you are in pain about what happened and you do appear genuinely remorseful. I am not saying this to berate you or make you feel bad. It’s easy to say this because I don’t know you or the person who died or anything about the situation. However, I do think you are still minimising somewhat. You were going nearly 25% (approximately) over the national speed limit...at night..by a junction. That’s not casually speeding or making a mistake. That’s a serious driving error. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen to anyone, after all, it does happen. However, it’s not “easy” but I do take your point that it is possible.

Lizzie48 · 21/01/2019 10:36

Many prisoners started life in awful circumstances, were never taught right from wrong, were abused, were getting excluded in primary school, were already on drugs by age 12 or younger. Many have had multiple mental health problems as a result of their early experience but been unable to access services. Many have been homeless and many have been addicted to multiple substances.

I can see where you're coming from. My DDs are adopted; DD1 has Attachment Disorder and possibly PTSD. She's getting the help she needs (although it's been a painfully slow process getting that help), but a lot of children don't get that help until it's too late (like my DDs' birth mum).

I don't agree with you about Baby P, though. He was taken into foster care at one point, and he had a dad who loved him, who he could have been placed with, and who seemingly would have been a good role model.

Also, it's simplistic to see it as inevitable that people who have had abusive childhoods will turn to crime. A lot don't; DSis and I suffered SA as children, as well as emotional neglect and physical abuse, and yet we made something of our lives, and have our own families. My DB is thorough messed up because of it and has been in very dark places, but he hasn't turned to crime either.

Schuyler · 21/01/2019 10:42

@MotorcycleMayhem Firstly, I don’t think what your DH did 20 odd years ago is such a big deal. He was stupid and it was criminal but he didn’t hurt anyone and it’s not anywhere near the same level as drink driving or large scale fraud or similar. I think the problem this with this thread is many people are minimising. I do think you have somewhat minimised the situation but IMO, I don’t think what he did was that bad. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I knew you. I accept I am affected by this on a very emotional level as my close relative brought shame and sadness on the family when he committed fraud and went to prison. However, I have so much more respect for people who say “I assaulted someone in a pub fight and I was wrong. I have not done it again.” versus “I got into a fight, I had been drinking but I was an addict due to X, Y and Z. He started on me but I got charged and he got away with it”. While the latter statement may be true and gives background, it does sound like making excuses.

MissMaisel · 21/01/2019 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

canidoitnow · 21/01/2019 10:49

@Schuyler sorry I think you misunderstand me, I wasn't referring to myself as casually speeding, no way, I'm totally aware of what I was doing and how stupid, thoughtless and careless it was. It was more just saying how easy even if you are going 1mph over the speed limit and someone runs out in front of you, you will be at fault for speeding.
My councillor has helped my to to understand that I can't blame myself for the part he played, that if he hadn't jumped the red light, neither of us would be in the position we are. But it's taken me a long time to accept that, it really does ruin lives. Speed kills no doubt about it.

MissMaisel · 21/01/2019 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzie48 · 21/01/2019 11:04

I suspect minimising is something that most people find very hard not to do when they have done things they're ashamed of. They may not even be aware that they're doing it; I think that's true of my DM, who has minimised a lot of things that happened during our childhood (not the SA, and I believe her when she says she didn't know about it). Because, at the end of the day, they have to go on living with what they did.

I'm not saying that makes it right, and it's completely appropriate to pull them up on it, but it's very easy to say when you're not the one living with the guilt.

Lonelyheart2020 · 21/01/2019 11:11

So I think I used to maybe think like this until I recently met a guy at a hospice charity Xmas market.
He was very sweet and nice to DD aged 5 and was a successful athlete.
He was served a long sentence as a teen for armed robbery, he broke 3 world recordable on the rowing machine from inside and since being released has won iron man and sponsored by Nike.
He now spends his time going around schools and parliament to help with getting youths of the street and in to sport.
He would genuinely do anything for anyone and really has turned his life around.

Lonelyheart2020 · 21/01/2019 11:19

Reading the tread and got to the part about a mum stealing.
I will be honest here and say I have never ever been in any sort of police trouble etc
I am pretty average human but who would do anything for anyone

But if my kid was starved I would steal a sandwich 😳🤷‍♀️

thecatsthecats · 21/01/2019 11:25

I think the concept of people having 'served their time' is overly simplistic.

If someone has killed someone else, harrassed them, raped them, injured an animal, inflicted wilfull cruelty, then no amount of time they serve in prison or change of heart could make them someone I want to know.

The time you serve is the time you serve to society. As individuals, we get to make our own choices about our boundaries.

(Does anybody remember the show with the paedophile who wanted help with his 'inclinations'? He essentially said the same thing. That his desires weren't an entitlement to sexually assault children, and that it was his responsibility to moderate those feelings - the same goes for most crimes.)

I don't have a high tolerance for people's legal personal drama and legal bad choices anyway.

CurcubitaPepo · 21/01/2019 12:09

To those who wouldn’t employ someone with a criminal record.

Under the rehabilitation of offenders act, If a job does not require a dbs and the crime is spent then you have no right to know about it. It is also unlawful to refuse to employ someone on the grounds that they have a spent conviction.

Nicknacky · 21/01/2019 12:12

I would be interested to read more about that legislation, curcubita, can you provide a link to it?

Anapurna · 21/01/2019 12:13

If someone has killed someone else, harrassed them, raped them, injured an animal, inflicted wilfull cruelty, then no amount of time they serve in prison or change of heart could make them someone I want to know.

Totally agree.

CurcubitaPepo · 21/01/2019 12:22

@Nicknacky

If you look up on Wikipedia Rehabilitation of Offenders Act 1974. Sorry, I’m not good with links!

Nicknacky · 21/01/2019 12:24

I’ve looked it up but as you can imagine the Act is extensive. Do you know what Section it is which would make it easier to find?

Pernickity1 · 21/01/2019 12:30

Well obviously people would assume you’re a bad person for “doing time”. People are rarely thrown in prison for minor offences so I would assume anyone who has been in prison has done something pretty bad and ergo is most likely not of great character. I suppose there’s exceptions but the only one I can think of is in the case of a wrongful conviction?

CurcubitaPepo · 21/01/2019 13:02

@Nicknacky

Couple of screenshots that should about cover it.

CurcubitaPepo · 21/01/2019 13:02

Read the second screenshot first!!!

Nicknacky · 21/01/2019 13:17

Thank you.

ExFury · 21/01/2019 13:50

Under the rehabilitation of offenders act, If a job does not require a dbs and the crime is spent then you have no right to know about it. It is also unlawful to refuse to employ someone on the grounds that they have a spent conviction.

It’s also against to use an irrelevant fact on a DBS to refuse to employ someone.

One of my biggest bug bears is the misuse of the DBS system. You can only discriminate on the grounds of relevant information. Not something that you just get to be privy too because of the catch all necessity.

Lizzie48 · 21/01/2019 14:55

I'm practice, though, it would surely be very hard for a job applicant to conceal the fact that they have been inside, as employers are very quick to spot gaps in an applicant's CV. How would they explain a gap of, let's say, months? They would have to lie about it and lied have a habit of backfiring, as a PP on this thread has shared with us.

lljkk · 21/01/2019 15:02

There was a claim made back on about post #5 that I picked up on
10% of men in prison are there for sexual offences against children

2015 Guardian article says 12% of men in prison have convictions that are sex-linked, but only 10% of those had child victims.

Call them all scumbags if you like, but implying that 10% of inmates are sexual predators of children wasn't accurate. Resolution to never forgive is very fashionable, which I don't agree with. I guess I choose to believe that most people can change for the better, and even small improvements are worth encouraging.