People that have been in Jail.

[firsttimedad79]

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.

It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person.

I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now.

AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

Schmoobarb Speeding in the dark isn’t a “mistake”, it’s a conscious criminal act.

Canidoitnow that is so sad
it only takes a second to make the wrong decision or a thoughtless mistake and then something tragic happens. It's true that many people who think they would never ever go to prison could end up there much easier than they think.

It really is easy to make a driving mistake that costs someone else their life, or your own life. My FIL died in a car accident that he was deemed to be responsible for. He pulled out having failed to spot another driver in his blind spot, on a November day when he was probably blinded by the sunlight. It's possible that the other driver was going too fast for the location (bend in the road, parked cars), but he wasn't speeding.

My MIL, who was in the car with him, couldn't conceive of the idea that her DH could possibly have made a mistake, he was such a good driver. But he did, and it cost him his own life, and destroyed the lives of his parents who were then still alive (his mum died of a broken heart 3 months later, aged 89), and left my MIL completely bereft and helpless without him.

So don't be too self-righteous here, people. We're all capable of making driving mistakes, thankfully most of the time they don't have fatal consequences for ourselves or others.

@Ribbonsonabox don't take to heart the more judgmental posters on here. Some of them love to rip others to shreds.

canidoitnow
If you hadn’t been speeding or doing anything else wrong, you wouldn’t have been imprisoned. Then your tears over the dead person would be tragic and worth sympathy.

Ok remember you’re right of course. I drive like Miss Daisy personally and don’t ever speed but it’s still not the same as going out and intentionally killing someone. Of course the result is the same but the intent isn’t x hence why I do feel for cani.

Lizzie48
It really is easy to make a driving mistake that costs someone else their life, or your own life.

Absolutely and it’s tragic, but that’s, as you say, a mistake, an ACCIDENT. Speeding, texting whilst driving, drinking alcohol and driving, are criminal acts and the law is their to protect lives.

Schmoo, I agree it’s not the same but have no sympathy for Cani. They intended to drive dangerously regardless of what might happen.

A guy I worked with years ago did time for statutory rape. He had a one night stand with a girl he met in a pub who told him she was 19. Turned out she was 14 and her parents went apeshit when they found out (no idea how they found out) and called the police. I can't remember how long he ended up serving but it was less than a year I think, and he was given his job back and nobody seemed to think any the less of him. I'm surprised he did time as he had no prior whatsoever, was squeaky clean and as nice a chap as you'd ever meet, and none of us at work doubted that he'd believed the girl was 19, but there you go.

So I'd like to think I'd consider the circumstances before being judgey.

True, but she wasn't massively speeding - 38 in a 30 zone is something a lot of drivers are guilty of, but thankfully for the majority of drivers there are no tragic consequences. There's no suggestion that she had been drinking or been on her phone.

I think the judgmental comments about this are unnecessarily unkind personally. On a human level, I think some compassion is in order rather than self-righteous condemnation.

@canidoitnow I’m not pretending I’m an angel who has never exceeded the speed limit, nor am I a perfect driver. However, 38 mph in a 30 zone at night is quite significant. Would you have killed him if you’d been driving at or below 30? You mentioned he jumped a light and you didn’t see him but the speeding element must have played a role. Could someone on here potentially hit a cyclist while driving? Yes. However, if it was a genuine accident at 30, that would make me think differently.

I wouldn’t necessarily choose to not be your friend if I knew you in real life but I would hope you re-consider your statement that “it’s too easy” for people to find themselves in your position. I disagree with that due to the things I mentioned in the above paragraph.

FWIW, I absolutely do not think you are a bad person. I think you did a bad thing but that’s different to thinking you are inherently bad. I have done bad things in my life, they may not have been criminal but they hurt others. Because of that, I also don’t think you deserve judgement from strangers but I think you will be judged, unfortunately. I genuinely hope you find a way to move on with your life as much as one can in this situation.

“On a human level”, I think people ought to realise they can kill someone by going nearly a quarter over the speed limit in the dark and that trying to minimise their involvement by saying the guy didn’t have lights etc. is disgusting.

“Oh they weren’t breaking the law a lot, just a little bit, loads of people speed like that but are lucky they haven’t killed someone..”

Seriously?

There’s an excuse for every single criminal act on this thread. It goes hand in hand with being a killer, rapist, thief, obviously.

Would you have killed him if you’d been driving at or below 30?

Even if they had it would have then been a tragic accident, not a criminal act.

I'm not condoning speeding, btw. Speed limits are there for a reason, which too many drivers seem not to appreciate.

I don't think it's fair to accuse canidoitnow
of trying to minimise, though. It was actually brave of her to share her story on here, with the number of judgey posters at large on this thread. She's clearly still eaten up with guilt over what happened, and she has done her time for it.

There was no need to mention the cyclists lack of helmet etc at all.

The decent way to share that story would have been to say “I was speeding at night, I was stupid, I regret it...” not to try and partially blame a dead guy.

As for the “done the time” thing, so what? Didn’t bring the guy back did it? Cani is on the internet, living a life, alive to share her “brave” story...

@Zacksnan Yes I totally agree. It’s what I was angling at.
Hitting a cyclist in a tragic accident is a different scenario to hitting a cyclist at 24% above the speed limit.
Cyclists are so vulnerable on the road and I say this as someone who can barely ride a bike, so I have no stake in the game.

It would depend on where you live. If you lived in Coronation Street.Weatherfield I would assume you were innocent like all the other residents who have been banged up for nothing. Whereas if you lived in Albert Square,Walford I'd assume you were a murderous wrong'un whether you'd been in prison or not.

My senior manager went to prison. He is quite open about it. Doesn't make him a bad person. He's not the greatest manager In the world but I dont think that has anything to do with prison.
People make mistakes. So times they move on. Sometimes they don't

@Changedun no, his criminal record is considered minor as I say, and not of interest to Professional Standards. Yes, our friendship was declared to them when I joined up nearly 15 years ago and they didn't care. I've since left the police (no, not under a cloud before you make assumptions, medical was part of it, military was another) and work in another law enforcement agency. Who also don't care.

You might be very shocked to find out just how many people you know have these sorts of things on their records that you know nothing about. It's not something you can look up either.

Fortunately for them, as judgemental people like you would like you see them have lifelong consequences for it.

My dad was sentenced to six months in prison when I was a baby for chasing a burglar out of our house with a knife (like a knife he’d been eating dinner with, not a flick knife), he didn’t even make physical contact with the guy but he still went to prison for it.

Sorry but this is bullshit - you can use reasonable force and unless your dad was planning to butter the burglars face no harm would have been done. That's the story your dad May have given you but I'm betting he gave the burglar a pasting.

A guy I worked with years ago did time for statutory rape. He had a one night stand with a girl he met in a pub who told him she was 19. Turned out she was 14

Again this is also bullshit, the girl would have had to have been aged 13 and under. There's no way a way 13 year old looks 18.

He was a twat outside a nightclub aged 19. He wqs charged with S.5 public order - or as my old Sgt used to call it, "talking when he should have been listening". Plenty of people get charged with this every day. It means nothing as a one off as long as it's truly a one off. I've known DH for 23 years since we were children at school. We didn't get together until we were in our 30s.

Section 5 public order offence is

Harassment, alarm or distress.
(1)
A person is guilty of an offence if he—
(a)
uses threatening [F1or abusive] words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour, or
(b)
displays any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening [F1or abusive],
within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress thereby.
(2)
An offence under this section may be committed in a public or a private place, except that no offence is committed where the words or behaviour are used, or the writing, sign or other visible representation is displayed, by a person inside a dwelling and the other person is also inside that or another dwelling.
(3)
It is a defence for the accused to prove—
(a)
that he had no reason to believe that there was any person within hearing or sight who was likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress, or
(b)
that he was inside a dwelling and had no reason to believe that the words or behaviour used, or the writing, sign or other visible representation displayed, would be heard or seen by a person outside that or any other dwelling, or
(c)
that his conduct was reasonable.

So basically he was swearing, being threatening etc. Not just "speaking when spoken to.

I have been in prison, I was driving through traffic lights I was doing 38 in a 30, and hit a cyclist who had jumped a red light, no lights, no hi vis clothing, no helmet, was dark. He died and I was sent to prison for 4 years.

Nice bit of victim blaming there. Perhaps if you weren't doing 38 he might have lived! Very wreckless to go so fast through a junction. Stop blaming the poor sod you killed, the fault was your speed, not him. You say you feel pain, yet keep trying to blame the man you killed. I'm sure you feel guilt, but I'm not convinced you are remorseful.

Fruitcider maybe she was 13, I might be misremembering, it was 20 odd years ago. But I can well believe that a 13 yo can look 18, I’ve worked in pubs. This was NI where the legal age of consent was at the time 17.

I have been in prison, I was driving through traffic lights I was doing 38 in a 30, and hit a cyclist who had jumped a red light, no lights, no hi vis clothing, no helmet, was dark. He died and I was sent to prison for 4 years.

You did not go to prison for 4 years for doing 38 in a 30, and hitting an unlit cyclist who had jumped a red light. No way. There's far more to the story than that. You either drove off and left him dying in the road, and were traced later, or something else went on that you haven't mentioned.

I work in a prison and get to know the men I work with v v well as hearing about their life is part of my job. I can hand on heart say that I have never worked with any man in prison who I think had another option but to have ended up there. Most of the men I work with have been failed miserably as children. They are the abused, neglected children of criminal parents or heroin addicted parents. They have not come from a loving home and been abused once, they have been abused and neglected often multiple times from day 1 for the most part. If baby P had lived, I fully expect he'd be in prison right now receiving punishment and judgement.

Many prisoners started life in awful circumstances, were never taught right from wrong, were abused, were getting excluded in primary school, were already on drugs by age 12 or younger. Many have had multiple mental health problems as a result of their early experience but been unable to access services. Many have been homeless and many have been addicted to multiple substances.

As a society we need to take responsibility for looking after our kids and making sure care, including care homes and foster care, is caring. We need to stop the trajectory of these vulnerable young people before they end up in prison. And when these men reach prison we need to start acknowledging the depth of their difficulties, the trauma many have been through, and how deeply ingrained their difficulties and paths have become

My prison has rats, cockroaches, pigeon shit all over it. It's scary because there are many assaults and you don't know who is in for what and what might happen to you. You are locked up and ordered around and have no control over what happens to you. Yet I've seen many men that don't want to leave the place because they have never been taught how to use a bus/manage a budget/stay away from drugs/read a letter/manage bills/clean/converse with non criminal peers/etc.... And often times they know they'll be back to drugs etc ..

Offending is complex and usually the result of social services not offering enough support and stepping in early when these men(sorry, I work with men) we're kids (due to lack of funds probably). As a society we need to take some responsibility.

SIL is dating a guy who had a fight, the other person is now in a wheelchair for life.He spent a few years in prison. I refused to go along and meet him or have him in the house. She doesn’t know yet as the situation was negotiated so she is unaware of my feelings. My stepfather was an extremely violent alcoholic, no one outside the beautiful house we lived in knew. I avoid anyone with a history of violence however reformed, however remorseful. He hit her when they dated before a few years ago.

Depends on the crime really.

S.5 POA in practice - talking when you should be listening - I CBA to be continually explaining myself on here every time I post, but hey ho. Other coppers will understand when I explain this.

You warn people that their behaviour is unacceptable for S.5 if they are swearing. On this occasion, he had walked out of a nightclub, fell over his own feet and knocked himself out. He was of course fairly pissed, and not listening to anyone telling him to calm down when he came to. He was shouting and swearing and wouldn't listen to the police telling him to stop swearing, so he was arrested at 3am on New Years Day 1998. Why he wasn't offered a Caution, I don't know - it would have been more appropriate in my view for a first offence, but times were different then.

Why are people so horrified by this from 21 years ago? Perhaps me working woth criminals for so long has skewed my view on what's a problem and what isn't.