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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP thinks I shouldn’t have ham in a ham restaurant

296 replies

Cattus · 19/01/2019 21:03

Lots of restaurants are half price because it’s January. We’re taking advantage of this offer in a restaurant that specialises in Spanish Ham. The hams aren’t part of the promotion.

We don’t normally eat there because it’s expensive so we go in January only. We could afford to eat there at full price occasionally but don’t as dp is a skinflint, in this regard (not in all regards).

I mentioned that I would like to get a ration of ham (£11) despite it not being in the promotion as the overall cost of the meal would still be significantly less and Spanish Jamon is my number 1 favourite food. DP looked horrified. Why would I want to take advantage of a promotion then ruin it by buying the exception?

He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?

OP posts:
altiara · 20/01/2019 00:15

I get where’s he coming from - you’re deliberately going to the restaurant for the offers, so why have something that’s not on offer? EXCEPT he’s not letting you go to the restaurant any other time of the year is he?

My solution would be go in Jan for the offer, also go every 3/4/6 months (whatever’s affordable) for the ham BECAUSE it’s your favourite food. Better still go without him! That cuts the bill in half!

littlemissquiet · 20/01/2019 00:17

Why go to a Ham restaurant and not eat ham? You will still be getting a much better and cheaper deal with the promotion. He's putting his happiness before yours over something so petty, it's borderline controlling behaviour. Please go and order the ham x

halfwitpicker · 20/01/2019 00:24

But surely its not the fact its ham per se, its the price of it? It could be cheese, if it was a cheese resto

ThisWayDown · 20/01/2019 00:36

Or fish in a fish restaurant.

Or tea in a tea shop.

Can’t remember which posted said it, but I am also smiling “at a ration of ham“.

JustHereForThePooStories · 20/01/2019 00:39

For those smiling at “ration of ham”, racion is the Spanish for “portion”.

MissLadyM · 20/01/2019 00:47

Christ I'm glad I'm single

GreatWesternValkyrie · 20/01/2019 00:48

He things I’ve read what you all said and I’m suggestible. He’s now saying that he only gets a short time off work and I’m ruining it. He will feel really annoyed if we don’t eat out.
He doesn’t think I’m a, capable of behaving autonomously unless it’s been suggested to me or I wantt to thwart him.

What a delight he is to have such a low opinion of you Op. Does he show this level of disrespect for everyone in his life or does he reserve it just for you?

If this is the first time he’s shown this kind of behaviour, nip it in the bud hard, right now. I suspect it isn’t though.

Spermysextowel · 20/01/2019 00:55

I wouldn’t cancel. Just put it to him that he’s still ‘winning’ by saving £39 & that’s equivalent to another night out somewhere else where you can use another voucher & never mention the Bay of Pigs again.

delboysskinandblister · 20/01/2019 00:57

@MissLadyM

Amen to that Grin

SusieQ5604 · 20/01/2019 01:09

So fucking what if it impacts him. What a nut job. Do want you wanna do!

BrendasUmbrella · 20/01/2019 01:09

Go in with him and have the meal. Then the next day he's at work and you're not, drive to the restaurant (if they open for lunch) and pick up your ham.

Greensleeves · 20/01/2019 01:12

This is.... not about ham.

justilou1 · 20/01/2019 01:12

I think you need to tell him you're and adult and will order what you want to eat. I can't believe the number of women that defer to their partners like this constantly.

hickerydickerydockmouse · 20/01/2019 01:21

Seems more psychological to me. What was his childhood like? Was money tight when he was little? Was there less food for him and his family? What is his parent's approach to these kinds of things?

WatcherintheRye · 20/01/2019 01:24

Are you married to Kenny Craig, op?

www.dailymotion.com/video/xtl5i4

13thWarriorWitch · 20/01/2019 01:28

I thought Sheldon Cooper myself. Grin

Gina2012 · 20/01/2019 01:29

*He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?*

I think you're both nuts

halfwitpicker · 20/01/2019 01:31

For those smiling at “ration of ham”, racion is the Spanish for “portion”.

^

Which makes it hilarious AND wanky

Only on MN

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/01/2019 02:45

My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.
He hasn't adhered to your proviso so you must order the ham.

EmilyBishopmyconfession · 20/01/2019 03:42

He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?

Agree with PP. You're both crackers.

On a practical note- order the ham. Eat the ham. Enjoy the ham. Pay for the ham.

And tell "DP" to get fucked.

kateandme · 20/01/2019 04:34

ok I agree if he is being a tight ass.but will people stop saying you don't get anxiety over this.anxiety disorder is by itself all about irrational worries.most cant be explained.most not sensible or what others would ever dream of being worried over.

Shoxfordian · 20/01/2019 06:18

I can't believe you've put up with this shit for 25 years.

Its not anxiety, its a terminal case of tightarseness

BlackCatSleeping · 20/01/2019 06:27

Tell him you cancelled,then go by yourself. Dining out is supposed to be enjoyable. Enjoy your ham. 🐽

BarbaraofSevillle · 20/01/2019 06:35

Well I do like to get good value, and desperately need to know where this restaurant is, but he is being ridiculous over what is effectively a fiver, as in the discount you are 'losing' if you ordered the ham.

With everything else half price, this is the time you can afford to get it, because you've saved money elsewhere, so can afford a little extra treat.

I like serrano ham but never order it, because it's expensive, you only get a tiny bit, and it breaks my other restaurant rule, as in it is too easy to prepare. If I'm paying restaurant prices, it needs to be something that takes effort to prepare or requires lots of time or ingredients.

I can buy ham from the supermarket (in Spain or Waitrose probably have it) or restaurant deli counter for a third of the price so would generally do that, but I wouldn't stop someone else ordering it, especially when you're still getting a good deal overall.

mimibunz · 20/01/2019 06:37

Is this a thing?