Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP thinks I shouldn’t have ham in a ham restaurant

296 replies

Cattus · 19/01/2019 21:03

Lots of restaurants are half price because it’s January. We’re taking advantage of this offer in a restaurant that specialises in Spanish Ham. The hams aren’t part of the promotion.

We don’t normally eat there because it’s expensive so we go in January only. We could afford to eat there at full price occasionally but don’t as dp is a skinflint, in this regard (not in all regards).

I mentioned that I would like to get a ration of ham (£11) despite it not being in the promotion as the overall cost of the meal would still be significantly less and Spanish Jamon is my number 1 favourite food. DP looked horrified. Why would I want to take advantage of a promotion then ruin it by buying the exception?

He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 20/01/2019 06:41

Spanish ham? Yes, it’s definitely a thing. Had been for some time.

Conseulabananahammock · 20/01/2019 06:49

Hamxiety and hamxious
Only on mn
😂
He sounds like a bit of a pig. Just because be brings home the bacon shouldn't mean you cant order the ham.
You should tell him this argument is poinkless and if he doesnt behave you will trot to the restaurant yourself

CommanderDaisy · 20/01/2019 07:13

Can you actually define "the strategy"? Is it to only eat out if discounts are available?

You have four options I reckon.

  1. Tell him you can go together but only if I can order what I want -
  2. He can go alone and save more money without my meal
  3. Cancel because he's being a knob
  4. Pretend to comply , go, then order the Jamon and reveal in his anxious facial expressions.

He's weird.

PsychedelicSheep · 20/01/2019 07:16

YABU to eat ham, poor piggies 🐷

(Sorry, there always one Wink)

MakeItAmazing · 20/01/2019 08:00

It's obvious what you should do. Since he earns so much more than you and pays for everything, in his head, you keep every last penny of your wage and use it to get your own place and a divorce solicitor. Eat the fucking ham.

putthewashinginthedryer · 20/01/2019 08:05

'I can understand it - it's like look the flights to New York are on special offer let's go to Madrid.'

Except that ITS HAM

PinkGin24 · 20/01/2019 08:15

If we were going out to a restaurant because it had an offer on, and we agreed to go to saidnrestaurant because of the offer I wouldn't be impressed if DH ordered outside of the offer. I wouldn't say he couldn't, but I wouldn't pay for it out of a joint acc or split it equally, we would each pay for what we had.

So OP if you were going to pay and he still refused YANBU. However, if you wanted to eat outside of offer and expected him to pay YABU.

watt36 · 20/01/2019 08:24

He's a controlling prick. Perhaps if he wants to enjoy his time off he should stop trying to ruin your time too. But it's all about him, as I suspect most things are.

I'd work five days, leave him, and enjoy my life.

ShatnersBassoon · 20/01/2019 08:24

I can understand it - it's like look the flights to New York are on special offer let's go to Madrid.

No, it's like booking the special offer flights to New York and saying you'd like a drink and a mini tube of Pringles onboard.

Itssosunnyout · 20/01/2019 08:26

You are going out to enjoy a meal. He shouldn't be controlling what you can and can't order.

UnicornSlaughters · 20/01/2019 08:45

"He doesn't think I'm capable of behaving autonomously unless it's been suggested to me"

And therein lies your problem. He's obviously very used to you rolling over and behaving in order to keep the peace.

I'd cancel the restaurant. He needs to learn, just like a child, that there are consequences for being a dick his behaviour.

minisoksmakehardwork · 20/01/2019 08:46

I would use the half price offer to ensure I could eat what I enjoyed. If the case was that we couldn't normally afford to eat there full price, I might order a half price starter and dessert but the main might be full price because we would still be saving money on the overall cost of the meal.

It's unfair for your husband to take pleasure from the saving if you cannot take pleasure in your meal choice.

CoughLaughFart · 20/01/2019 09:57

If we were going out to a restaurant because it had an offer on, and we agreed to go to saidnrestaurant because of the offer I wouldn't be impressed if DH ordered outside of the offer.

But surely the point is that the offer makes it cheaper overall; therefore the OP can afford to order one dish she really wants in a restaurant she doesn’t normally get a chance to visit. She’s not suggesting they both order a three-course meal consisting entirely of non-promotional items.

Spermysextowel · 20/01/2019 10:07

So much ham, so little time. OP has said her DP doesn’t actually suffer from anxiety, he just doesn’t want to cough up (or let OP cough up) for some porky deliciousness.
Our local pub has Steak Night once a week. 2 drinks, 2 steaks for about £12. You can upgrade to rib-eye for £2, then if you add dessert it becomes £20. Still way cheaper than if you had the same thing a day later.

Sexnotgender · 20/01/2019 10:08

Tell him to get fucked. What a controlling knob.

I LOVE a bargain, however this is just controlling bullshit.

Also it'd be MUCH cheaper if you just went by yourself and eat all the ham in blissful silence on your own without some dick making "anxious" faces at you across the table. Fuck that shit.

stayathomegardener · 20/01/2019 11:16

I recently voiced that I fancied a pink peppercorn gin in a restaurant.

DH said it was too expensive... Hmm
He felt it was overpriced for what it was.

It's now my go to drink every time we go there.

DH is normally a generous, easy going person. Your DH sounds like an arse. Have your ham but also have a think about what this is really about.

froufroufoxes · 20/01/2019 11:16

I really want to know what you're going to do OP.
It feels like this will be a watershed moment in the relationship where you both realise how negatively controlling his beliefs are and you stand up for your right to have ham which symbolises your rejection of his control.

Honestly, I would be telling him you've realised how unreasonable his attitude is and you intend to pick him up on it more often, every time it impinges on your worth.

If he's not contrite then I would cancel the meal and tell him you don't enjoy eating out with him.

Zucker · 20/01/2019 11:17
  1. A ham restaurant?
  2. Half priced restaurant?

Someone explain please.

froufroufoxes · 20/01/2019 11:21

Just how do these tight arses think that businesses keep afloat?
It's certainly not by an army of people coming in and eating two for 1.

My mum does this - she's used to her local cafe giving her a cup of hot water for free (as her mate has a coffee) and now she thinks it's outrageous to pay for a drink anywhere.
How does she think they pay the staff or the electricity to boil the kettle if no one spends any money there? It drives me mad. It's a sense of entitlement that you can have something while other people are paying the full cost for it.

EdWinchester · 20/01/2019 11:26

He sounds like fun.

Is there ANYTHING more unattractive than a tight arse?

BarbaraofSevillle · 20/01/2019 11:58

Zucker

I think I know which restaurant the OP is referring to. If I'm correct, it's an upmarket small chain of tapas restaurants that also does plates of charcuterie such as serrano ham and posh G&Ts.

icannotremember · 20/01/2019 12:03

1. A ham restaurant?
2. Half priced restaurant?

Someone explain please

  1. A restaurant is a place where you go to eat food cooked on the premises. There is generally a list of dishes available to choose from (this is often called a 'menu'). You look at the list, choose what food you would like them to cook for you, tell the staff and then wait for them to bring you the food, for which you will need to pay. The op is talking about a restaurant which specialises in Spanish ham. Spain is a country in Europe. Ham is a popular food product made from the dead body of pig.
  1. On the list of dishes available (the 'menu') there is generally information as to how much money you will need to pay the restaurant after consuming your food and drinks and before you leave. This is commonly known as 'the price. At certain times of year when restaurants tend to be less busy, such as the post Christmas period, many run special offers. Rather than have zero customers and make no money at all, they decide they will charge less money for some of their dishes and attract more customers. In this case, the restaurant has decided they will charge half what they normally do for some items, thus 'half price'.
Fiddie · 20/01/2019 12:07

I've never been to a ham restaurant.

I want ham now.

What's the price difference between ham and something half price? About a fiver?

Ditch the prick.

BlackCatSleeping · 20/01/2019 12:23

Brilliant, icannotremember. Are you available for other threads too?

xxcheshiremumxx · 20/01/2019 12:24

I need an update on this!
Please still be going & please order ham.