Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP thinks I shouldn’t have ham in a ham restaurant

296 replies

Cattus · 19/01/2019 21:03

Lots of restaurants are half price because it’s January. We’re taking advantage of this offer in a restaurant that specialises in Spanish Ham. The hams aren’t part of the promotion.

We don’t normally eat there because it’s expensive so we go in January only. We could afford to eat there at full price occasionally but don’t as dp is a skinflint, in this regard (not in all regards).

I mentioned that I would like to get a ration of ham (£11) despite it not being in the promotion as the overall cost of the meal would still be significantly less and Spanish Jamon is my number 1 favourite food. DP looked horrified. Why would I want to take advantage of a promotion then ruin it by buying the exception?

He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?

OP posts:
Weenurse · 19/01/2019 22:50

I would suggest avoiding meals out with him in the future and plan other activities you can do together

ThisWayDown · 19/01/2019 22:56

He doesn’t think I’m a, capable of behaving autonomously unless it’s been suggested to me or I wantt to thwart him.

This is your problem. Not non-promotional jamon.

Original poster
Cattus · 19/01/2019 22:56

I agree weenurse. I think I am going to be more conscious of what a meal out with him makes me feel like and aim to avoid it.

OP posts:
DareDevil223 · 19/01/2019 22:56

I would be sitting there with an entire ham like this 'come at me hamboy'

DP thinks I shouldn’t have ham in a ham restaurant
PolkaDoting · 19/01/2019 23:01

Ham man. Twat.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/01/2019 23:01

You've wasted 25 years of your life on this bullshit? Jesus Christ.

DioneTheDiabolist · 19/01/2019 23:03

What a controlling scumbag.Angry But, if you don't want to break up with him, stop going out for meals with him. If he want to eat with you he needs to behave like a decent human being.

Failing that, book another table for one, order what you like and enjoy it.

LittleBearPad · 19/01/2019 23:03

He’s a misery isn’t he. Order the ham.

ThisWayDown · 19/01/2019 23:03

That whole bone-in Jamon DareDevil shared a picture of would make a good murder weapon. Couple of whacks and then you could eat the evidence. Just sayin’.

SconNotScone · 19/01/2019 23:04

I really like the idea of a ham restaurant. Where is this magical place, I need to go?!

JustHereForThePooStories · 19/01/2019 23:04

I think I am going to be more conscious of what a meal out with him makes me feel like and aim to avoid it

That made me a little sad. One of my favourite things to do is to go out to dinner with my DH. We’re lucky that we can do it frequently, and it’s definitely one of our “things”.

Is it a tapas restaurant? If so, I’d order a second helping towards the end, just to spite him.

strawberrisc · 19/01/2019 23:05

Sounds like a ham-fisted attempt at date night. Pay for your own meal if he’s so hamxious.

JustHereForThePooStories · 19/01/2019 23:05

Couple of whacks and then you could eat the evidence

Roald Dahl fan?

strawberrisc · 19/01/2019 23:11

@JustHereForThePooStories

Exactly what I thought!

ThisWayDown · 19/01/2019 23:11

Ah was it Roal Dahl who wrote that story?! Yes I was thinking of one where a woman murdered her husband with a raw joint of ham then cooked it. I couldn’t remember what it was called but being one of Dahl’s adult stories sounds about right!

brainache78 · 19/01/2019 23:13

Is 'order the ham' the new 'cancel the cheque'?

anappleadaykeeps · 19/01/2019 23:14

So I take it you're not doing Veganuary ........

Candymay · 19/01/2019 23:16

Ok I’m not sure that this disagreement means that he’s a ‘scumbag’ or that you’ve wasted 25 years with him.
What I think is that he’s very interested in going out to a restaurant that is offering a special deal. You want something that is not part of the deal and that is frustrating for him. It wouldn’t make me too happy either but I wouldn’t say anything (I don’t think so anyway- but after 25 years together maybe you’re much more likely to be outspoken and less worried about seeming mean or nasty- your partner would hopefully know that you were not those things in essence and would know you well).

What’s happened now is that your husband knows that his behaviour is out there on mumsnet for public scrutiny and comment and I think maybe this might be more of an issue than his worry about you spending more on the food than he wanted. I don’t mean to blame you but can you imagine what people would be saying if it was him who turned to a public forum to talk about you and your plate of ham? This is a more serious issue than the £11 overspend isn’t it? Do I sound critical? I don’t mean to- it’s just I feel a bit sorry for him!

MrsChollySawcutt · 19/01/2019 23:16

Wasn't it a frozen leg of lamb the husband was whacked within the original story? Defrosted and served to a table of friends who all ate the evidence.

DareDevil223 · 19/01/2019 23:18

It was called 'Lamb to the Slaughter' I remember seeing it on Tales of the Unexpected and reading it later.

The wife killed her husband with a frozen leg of lamb, cooked it and fed it to the police officers who attended the scene Grin

OlennasWimple · 19/01/2019 23:19

Look, I love a bargain. I can get twitchy if I feel I haven't used a coupon to its full advantage or miss out on a promotion.

But there's a line where prudence and bargain hunting crosses into stinginess, and your DH is well over there.

Have the damn ham!

ChasedByBees · 19/01/2019 23:20

Isn’t life meant to be more joyous than this OP?

ThisWayDown · 19/01/2019 23:23

I meant to type raw leg of LAMB but autocorrect got in the spirit of this thread by changing it to ham.

Yes yes a frozen leg of lamb she later served to the police! Thanks so much for the title - I haven’t read that for over 25 years!

Haworthia · 19/01/2019 23:25

What a joyless life he leads.

Actually no, the only joy he gets is penny pinching. There are lots of people out there like him.

I couldn’t live my life appeasing such a mean man and forgoing affordable treats, that’s for sure.

PinaColada1 · 19/01/2019 23:26

I’d order the ham and shout loudly

‘I take home the bacon, so I’m getting the ham!’