AIBU for not telling DH my first love has returned?

[sarah2014]

Okay first thread so bare with me I’m new to all this but have no idea who else to ask
Long story short 10years ago I thought I met a guy I was madly in love with, first proper bf first intimate partner etc, we only dated for 2 years when we decided to marry, however one day way before the wedding day he TEXT me saying he doesn’t love me anymore, I took the break up really badly didn’t get into a relationship for a good 3 years after this (when I met current DH) for obvious trust issues
Met DH 3 years later we are now married with 2 kids everything is great, we have good steady jobs we own a lovely house and financially are settled.
Now out for the blue I get an email from my ex, he says he really really wants to meet me he’s tried searching for me on all social networks (I use my married name hence why he hasn’t found me) and he’s managed to get my email through an old acquaintance he didn’t mention who.
He explains he’s been in jail and did a lot of thinking and how he treated me and through all 10years it’s only ever been me he’s truly loved.
I haven’t replied
I haven’t told DH
What do I do?

[ThatssomebadhatHarry]

Of course leave your family for the criminal ex who dumped you. Obviously he’s your soul mate and his email means it’s meant to be!

[NorthernRunner]

Nothing good comes from this, it’s bad bad news. He treated you like shit the first time, and if you allow yourself to get sucked in, he will do it again, except this time, you have children and a husband who will also get hurt. Think of them, put them first. And if you are still unsure of what to do ask yourself this; how would you feel if your husbands ‘first love’ emailed him wanting to make contact?

[bringbacksideburns]

Don’t even answer. Delete, block, forget

This.

I feel really sorry for your husband that even you have to ask.

Don't even enter into a dialogue with this loser.

Apart from the obvious he's clearly made a absolute mess of his life culminating in going to prison.
It doesn't get much worse than that.

[Theunsungsong]

What would I do? First thing she bit of sleuthing to find out what he got banged up for, just to satisfy my curiosity. Next thing, well nothing except maybe a for fucks sake, then delete.

Anyway, if it took him more than a couple of hours to track you down, he either not very computer savvy , or not trying very hard.

[Fairylea]

Please don’t reply. The fact you’re even contemplating it spells trouble for your marriage.

My now ex dh left me for an ex who got in touch with him through Facebook and it was the most horrible thing I had been through at that time. It destroyed my whole life.

Delete and block.

[mindutopia]

Block and ignore. I’ve been happily with my dh for 10 years with 2 dc. My first serious boyfriend (who was an abusive asshole, also spent quite a bit of time in jail) found me on social media a couple years ago. I ignored and blocked.

You have a happy life now and have moved on. You owe him nothing. Leave that baggage where it belongs, in the past.

[ILoveDolly]

Like everyone else, I think you saw his true colors with the way he dumped you first time. Even if he turned up a millionaire having done something fabulous for a decade I would suggest being cautious about letting him in again. But he's just a creepy ex con you used to know. Not worth jacking in your existing life for! Even if you start contacting him to be friendly it will only encourage him which I imagine your dh will take a dim view of. Block him, tell your dh about it, move away from What If s

[Racecardriver]

Reply ‘who dis?’ And have a laugh about it with your DH

[SilverySurfer]

You seriously need to ask?

Tell your DH then delete and block. What possible other answer is there?

[Singlenotsingle]

He's your worst nightmare, a stalker back to fuck your life up again.

Something similar happened to my dsis. A man from her past tracked her down, and she was flattered, contacted him and went out with him. He turned out to be a cocklodger, a loser, and an alcoholic.

[BlueJava]

Delete and block on every means of contact he tries!

[ChasedByBees]

You’re not considering anything here are you? That would be monumentally foolish.

[Babygrey7]

What an interesting story, thanks for sharing

[Onecabbage]

He wants to met you so he can feel better, it’s not about you, it’s about him. He either wants to gloat, apologise or rekindle.

Tell him to boil his head.
If you meet up, it will be you that ends in tears, not him.

[Waterlemon]

I had a similar thing happen to me a few years back, With my first serious boyfriend. Every so often he would track me down and contact me out of the blue! I ALWAYS ignored him! I even had his fiancé contact me to warn me off him! I explained that I hadn’t contacted, messaged or spoke to him in over 15 yrs!

He had quite a complicated home life - it was pretty shit actually.. Mine was pretty “normal”. I think I gave him a bit of stability. I don’t think it was actually “me” he missed/wanted back. I think it was more nostalgia for that period in his life where things were much calmer/settled. He only ever tried to get in touch when he hit a bad patch.

I feel pretty sad about it all.
out of all my exes, he is the one I would of liked to have remained friends with, but I know that could never happen.

You’re best to let sleeping dogs lie!

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

No no and no!

[CoastalLife]

Please don't contact him, not even to say "fuck off". There is no reason to enter into any kind of dialogue with him. Delete and block.

OP, hopefully you are just shaken up because this is ancient history, but history and memories that are attached to very strong past feelings nonetheless. Hopefully it's just something that's hit you out of the blue and you're having a wobble. We are only human, and sometimes we have moments of madness and lack clarity of thought.

Or is it more than that? Do you feel like a spark has been lit? Are you suddenly flooded with feelings of excitement and anticipation? If so, THIS IS NOT REAL. It's not a sign that this guy is the one who got away. After 10 years, you don't even know him and he doesn't know you. All you do know is that he's a cruel and unreliable sack of shit who's done something illegal enough to land himself prison. If this spark of excitement is what you're experiencing, it's way more likely to be a sign that you feel something is lacking in your relationship. Maybe you feel ground down with the drudgery of family life (because it can be really bloody tedious sometimes, however much we all love our families) and you are craving an injection of excitement and romance. Totally normal.

Think about your beautiful babies. You don't have to open this can of worms. Talk to your husband, tell him what's happened and if you feel like you're missing some excitement then get your heads together and work out how you can bring that to your marriage.

[pissedonatrain]

Delete and block.
There is no reason to even entertain this jerk at all.

[Parthenope]

Gosh, OP, do you have to ask? Pack a suitcase of scanty underthings this very minute, leave a note for DH and the children, and fly into jailbird jilter ex’s arms!

Or, you know, cop on.

[tinytreefrog]

"You had your chance, I've moved on, please never contact me again"

Then block him, no good will come if this.

[Alpacanorange]

Show the email to you husband, you have promised to be faithful to him, that includes not keeping hurtful secrets.
Ignore and block, replying will confirm to him he has found you. If you never reply, he will not know for sure you have even read his messages.
This is a toxic waste of your marriage.

[SandyY2K]

I'd ignore and delete. What's the point in telling him.

[lboogy]

Isn't the answer obvious? He's a jailbird ffs!
Not to mention he dumped you via text!

[MRex]

"I'm happily married with two children, so I won't keep in touch but best of luck for the future."