AIBU for not telling DH my first love has returned?

[sarah2014]

Okay first thread so bare with me I’m new to all this but have no idea who else to ask
Long story short 10years ago I thought I met a guy I was madly in love with, first proper bf first intimate partner etc, we only dated for 2 years when we decided to marry, however one day way before the wedding day he TEXT me saying he doesn’t love me anymore, I took the break up really badly didn’t get into a relationship for a good 3 years after this (when I met current DH) for obvious trust issues
Met DH 3 years later we are now married with 2 kids everything is great, we have good steady jobs we own a lovely house and financially are settled.
Now out for the blue I get an email from my ex, he says he really really wants to meet me he’s tried searching for me on all social networks (I use my married name hence why he hasn’t found me) and he’s managed to get my email through an old acquaintance he didn’t mention who.
He explains he’s been in jail and did a lot of thinking and how he treated me and through all 10years it’s only ever been me he’s truly loved.
I haven’t replied
I haven’t told DH
What do I do?

I'm sorry, but he will be working down a list and who knows where you are on it.

Why would you call him your first love? You really need to retitle him in your head, as ‘the wanker who didn’t even have the balls to break up with you in person’! First love makes him sound like some bloody Heathcliff/ MrDarcy hero, who can return and vie for your affections!

Tell your dh ‘DH how creepy is this, that wanker that dumped me years before we met has been online stalking me, trying to find me on social media! Help me think of a strong enough reply to make sure he stays AWAY and leaves me alone! ‘

You reply tell him it is all too late, you have moved on and are happily married now to a man you love who truly loves you and for him not to contact you again. Then tell you DH he emailed you, show him the email and your response, then delete and block.

Delete & don't reply. Also tell DH.

Don't reply. Tell your husband.

Don't allow this man to get even one inch back into your life. He'll ruin it.

You didn't know it at the time, but you had a very very lucky escape.

He TEXT you to end a very serious relationship.

He might have the charisma but he doesn’t have anything else. Block and do not engage with any contact. You will thank yourself in a few months. Value what you now have, which is the true prize.

I’d take the same approach at littletabbyocelet.
“I’m glad you’ve recognised how poorly you treated me. I’ve gone on to have a wonderful life and have no need to meet you or maintain contact any further.”

I’d tell my DH and say what I’d replied. I’d possibly block him after sending a reply.

Reply “Do not contact me again.”
Block him from your social media.

He is a loose canon who treated you badly, has been convicted & in jail for who knows what, and who knows now what he is after. He may well have sent out several versions of the same fishing message to others.

He knows by your name change that you are married AND he had to track you down, and still carried on contacting you with his nonsense. A better man would have realised that you had moved on and left well alone. This is all about him, nothing to do with you.

Telling yr OH? If he knows about this man and the impact his betrayal had on you AND it is crystal clear that you have NO residual feelings about the ex-con, then I’d tell your OH about the message to you (possibly not show the content) and show him your return straight forward message so that are no secrets or lies for potential misunderstandings between you & OH later. But only you know how & what is best to tell your OH.

He didn't love you, hes just going through a bad patch now and remembering the good bits. If he loved you he would t have done that to you. Don't be sucked in! (Says someone who has been there, minus the jail.bit)

Delete and block.

No one can be this stupid, can they?

I think it is important to say that you do not want him to contact you again, so that should he pester by any other means or method you can go to the police & report this unwanted contact as harassment.

Certainly delete & block once that simple message has been sent.

You are in control of this situation.

Ignore / block.

...& when I wrote ‘say’ I meant a one line txt msg by reply. No more.

For goodness sake woman, get a serious grip.

Just that.

You should speak to your DH and show him the email.
You should ignore and block the ex.

Tell your DH asap - dont let this ever become a secret that might get awkward or blow up down the line. Then block and delete the ex!! He is ex for a reason (many, very clear reasons!!) and DH is DH for many other reasons! Eyes forward, OP!!

Don’t even answer. Delete, block, forget.

Well clearly you should go off with this man, OP, he sounds like an absolute catch

Ignore ! And tell husband too x

Well clearly you should go off with this man, OP, he sounds like an absolute catch

Exactly

I'd first of all tell your husband then I'd reply but I'd say 'you hurt me a lot but I did love you so I'm glad to hear that you are alive and well. I'm married now and have two children. I wish you all the best with your life. Please dont contact me again I hope you understand'

Don’t reply. Tell your dh. Don’t give this man oxygen. It will come to no good. I understand you may feel he’s the one, who got away. But this really is all about him and his wants and needs.

Deffo don’t go down that rabbit hole