AIBU for not telling DH my first love has returned?

[sarah2014]

Okay first thread so bare with me I’m new to all this but have no idea who else to ask
Long story short 10years ago I thought I met a guy I was madly in love with, first proper bf first intimate partner etc, we only dated for 2 years when we decided to marry, however one day way before the wedding day he TEXT me saying he doesn’t love me anymore, I took the break up really badly didn’t get into a relationship for a good 3 years after this (when I met current DH) for obvious trust issues
Met DH 3 years later we are now married with 2 kids everything is great, we have good steady jobs we own a lovely house and financially are settled.
Now out for the blue I get an email from my ex, he says he really really wants to meet me he’s tried searching for me on all social networks (I use my married name hence why he hasn’t found me) and he’s managed to get my email through an old acquaintance he didn’t mention who.
He explains he’s been in jail and did a lot of thinking and how he treated me and through all 10years it’s only ever been me he’s truly loved.
I haven’t replied
I haven’t told DH
What do I do?

[MulticolourMophead]

OP, I hope this gets resolved and you can go back to a peaceful life.

I do agree with contacting the HR of the old company about this lady, it was wrong of her to give out your details.

[oldowlgirl]

RTFT - it's moved on a lot.

[mobyduck]

The problem is, you say in your heading he is your first love, and he has returned.
If you still have feelings for him, you must go with them.

[WellThisIsShit]

I hope you’re doing ok OP. I’m sorry for the revolting ‘I’m so sharp I’ll cut myself’ snideiness of the troll hunters who get such a kick out of hurting people.

It’s so unpleasant and utterly pointless, except to make certain posters feel terribly smug and superior. Ugh. And just imagine, shocking though it is, that you could be wrong about your ‘yeah it’s a troll it is it is’ nonsense, well, in that case you are accusing an innocent person of lying, just when that person needs support and help.

What a terribly nice public service you’re doing by upsetting someone already in a vulnerable position.

[CoraPirbright]

How are things OP? Hope you are ok.

[shallichangemyname]

Police will serve a PIN -a formal harassment warning. Under the Protection from Harassment Act something like sending a bunch of flowers IS an act of harassment if it causes stress/upset to and is unwanted by the recipient. The Act requires at least 2 acts, but in practice the police want 3 before there may be an offence under the Act and before they will issue a PIN. PINs are designed to nip low level harassment in the bud, for more serious cases the police can go straight to an arrest/charge.
No e of this would be anywhere near enough for a private non- molestation order.

[KokiriForest]

I would ignore. He doesn't deserve a response whatsoever.

[oldowlgirl]

Op hope you're ok. Glad the police are involved & hopefully they'll get him to back off. Might be worth considering a non-molestation order (but I'm not legal so don't know if you have enough to get one in place).

[EdtheBear]

Op you have done the right thing. He does sound worrying.

[MumW]

I still don’t know how long he was in prison but I’m assuming it’s whats screwed him up in his head.

Given that he ran over a woman who was apparantly behaving badly towards his girlfriend, I think he was pretty screwed up before the prison sentence.

[Yulebealrite]

Scary stuff op.

[SuperMam123]

I can't believe his audacity! Good luck with it all op and I hope it's sorted out really soon. He sounds like my ex and it is very frightening!

[Iputthescrewinthetuna]

Oh OP, I actually thought he was going to leave you alone!
The flower company who delivered will have payers details if paid by card, police will enquire!

Please stay safe, your DH too!
I know you are on edge, but please tell your DH to keep alert when he is out and about.

[Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom]

Ffs what is it with this place and troll hunting!

If you don't believe it, report it.

None of you get a prize for guessing it was a troll first.

[HebeMumsnet]

Just popping by with a reminder that troll hunting is against our talk guidelines and we will delete it. Thanks.

[TenForward82]

Thought you were stopping the thread, OP?

[SummerGems]

Surely the police wouldn’t get involved because of an anonymous bunch of flowers? Even if the bloke had previously been in prison. And neither would they give out restraining orders and such-like.

FWIW my first love contacted me a few years ago wanting to know if I was ok. Said that yeah I was, and then he went on to say he’d been thinking of me a lot of late and needed to know. Again reiterated that I was ok at which point he told me that thinking of someone is usually god’s way of telling him that he needs that person back in his life. . .

Me and dp had a good laugh about it and there was no reason not to tell him.

I heard only yesterday in fact that he’s about to get married for the 4th time. lucky escape me thinks..... .

[sarah2014]

if I had made the whole thing up as u imply, it would make you rather sad and hilarious for bothering to reply?
I’ve had more than attention then wanted so trust me when I say, if u believe me or not I honestly do not care!

[Ragnarhairybreetches]

Just report the post rather than troll hunt, it's easy enough.

[ladycarlotta]

OP, what a horrible situation. Glad the police are involved, it sounds like he was screwed up in his head way before he went to prison. He's a dangerous person and you need to make sure that he doesn't get the opportunity to treat other women this way.

By the way, your husband sounds great and you DO deserve him. Sexual assault, hysterectomy, weird ex etc do not make you less worthy of love.

[sarah2014]

I’m glad some people find the whole thing hilarious, I hope to hell it doesn’t happen to you one day as u have no idea how it feels.
It has been 10years since I had contact with him, I still don’t know how long he was in prison but I’m assuming it’s whats screwed him up in his head.