To be baffled at the upset and anger?

[Hopskipjumping]

We have booked our wedding for 18 months time, engaged for 6 months. My dad kindly offered to pay for the venue and food. Although this is a massive help and of course I appreciate it, there is still loads to pay for and we have recently been speaking about how lovely it would be to just do a really small thing and bring it forward to this summer.

No one is happy with this. We haven’t made any plans but my family especially are angry and upset. It was said as a passing comment to them - no plans have been made and the big wedding still stands as going ahead next year.

A big argument occurred last night as I overheard a conversation between two family members bitching. Along the lines of “why, why would they just bring it forward?” “Especially when it’s paid for” “why have they booked a summer holiday then if it’s about the money”. (Meaning I should have put the money towards the wedding).

Recently I’ve began to begrudge putting money away for one day. I want to save it, go holidays, enjoy life. We already live as a married couple, house together and two kids.

Gosh - weddings - how do they get so complicated? Your wedding, your choice. Do what you want. Boy I do understand it's unpleasant to have the family up in arms. They are being completely unreasonable

Tell your dad that you value his kind offer. Tell him that you and your oh would prefer a smaller event and a wedding should really be what is important to the couple getting married. Tell him that you respect that what he wanted for both his weddings may look very different to what you and your partner want and that’s ok, not everyone has to like the same things. You want to have a smaller wedding and a holiday as a family and have so many more memories for the same money. Smile lots and just repeat that what is planned is not what either of you want and ask him is that not what is important 🤷🏼‍♀️

What's a humanist that you have to pay for and are they expensive?

Honestly OP I'd put a stop to it now.

My mother was essentially your dad. She took over my whole wedding, right down to venue choice and bridesmaids! DH and I were getting seriously fed up as she would throw a strop anytime we had an opinion. She did contribute (the flower package) but she made it all about her and her friends. So DH and I cancelled it all! Booked Gretna for 35 close family and friends and had dinner in a hotel after in a private room. It was stunning and so special. We did host a big party for all our family and friends at a local hall shortly after the wedding.

I'd do it all again except I wouldn't have given my mother so much control. Years on I realise she's a narcissist and I'm very low contact.

Don't feel guilty for having the wedding of your choice.

If the OPs Dad has not actually spent any money yet, then she is, of course, fully entitled to change her Wedding plans.
I dare say the family will get used to it, whatever their short term grumpiness.
But beware of this possible scenario-
Dad may offer more money to support the expensive wedding, perhaps giving the reason that it is for the extended family's benefit.
If the OP agrees to this, she is definitely going to look "Grabby".
The OP should anticipate this, and be ready to decline.