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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ginger hair

130 replies

Guineapiglet345 · 19/01/2019 07:50

I have ginger hair as does my daughter, I was bullied horrendously at school because of it and I worry that when my daughter goes to school she’ll be bullied too.

AIBU to hate it when strangers come up to me in the street and point out my daughter’s hair and say “oh, what an unusual colour” etc.

To me it feels as though may as well be pointing at her and saying “she’s different, she’s not one of us” also does it not occur to them that since I’ve got ginger hair and I’m in my mid thirties that it’s not a novelty to me, it’s just normal?

OP posts:
LL83 · 19/01/2019 07:55

Understand your concern based on your own experience but hopefully won't be the case for your own child. My dd is 9 there is a red haired girl in her class she is well liked and no issues.

When people comment it is just chit chat it's something they notice and then compliment without knowing how you feel it's seems harmless/friendly.

ThursdayLastWeek · 19/01/2019 07:55

I think it’s up to you to implant confidence in her and show her how illogical being teased for the colour of her hair is.

People tried to tease me for it, but it had zero impact. As a cocky teen I would turn around and say something like 'omg you have brown hair eeeewwww’ sarcastically.

I suspect most adults are being complimentary and that you’re projecting your own insecurities there.

Zebedee88 · 19/01/2019 07:59

Yep, another one who was bullied with ginger hair. However, I think I would have been bullied with or without it, they just use it as an excuse, another thing to name call about. It's pathetic. I used to hate my hair colour growing up, would always be making it a different now. Only in the last couple of years have I actually started to love it, now it's my natural colour. Just try and instil confidence I guess.

MacarenaFerreiro · 19/01/2019 08:00

I have a red headed child who is 10. He has never been teased for his hair colour at all. He's one of three kids in his class with red hair.

I used to get comments when he was little about his hair but always in a positive way. More so when we were abroad in countries where red hair is more of a rarity.

Parthenope · 19/01/2019 08:01

I continue to be astonished at how unpleasant people are about red hair in this country.

10PollyPockets · 19/01/2019 08:03

Things are different to when we was kids. My child has ginger hair and has never been bullied or had any negative comments. If anything id say the only comments we had were from adults when she was a baby.
My Dd loves having ginger hair, if anyone says it's strawberry blonde she goes NO it's ginger!
To be honest I find kids are a lot more accepting of differences now than when I was at school.

swizzells2003 · 19/01/2019 08:03

I'm a red head and was bullied for it as a child. My niece (16) is also red and got no hassle at school at all ...... I don't think being bullied for being ginger is a thing anymore - at least I hope not as my red head boy starts school this year!

Amanduh · 19/01/2019 08:05

I love red hair and definitely think in modern day society there is less bullying about it, it’s often a desired colour now and i hear people complimented about it all the time. However it disgusts me how it’s somehow socially acceptable to make degrading, bullying comments about red hair in this day and age, in the media, ‘comedians’ and everything. If it was skin colour, religion, race, there would be uproar. It’s disgusting.

Original poster
Guineapiglet345 · 19/01/2019 08:05

I’m trying to install confidence in her and I’m going to lots of toddler groups to try and make sure she’s got lots of friends before starting school, so if anyone does tease her she’ll have friends to back her up, but I just can’t help feeling that people commenting on it shows that she does stand out and kids can be cruel.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 19/01/2019 08:06

Try to teach her to love her hair. Take the compliments on her hair colour and repeat them to your daughter 'dd that lady was just saying how lovely your hair is'.
I absolutely love ginger or blonde curls on a toddler, makes my uterus twitch Grin I try not to say anything as mn has taught me that some people wouldn't like it.

Noshana · 19/01/2019 08:08

In my older dd’s year at secondary school, there was a girl with the most beautiful long and sleek ginger hair - she was one of the most popular girls in the year!

Procrastination4 · 19/01/2019 08:13

Actually I always notice red hair-not because it’s “weird” or anything, but because you can get such a variety of shades unlike brown, blonde or black hair. I had a colleague a couple of years ago with the most amazing red hair which I thought was really stunning. However, it was months and months before I said anything about it because I was afraid she mightn’t like me commenting on it. But I had to! It was really beautiful and eye catching. Now I’m hoping I didn’t cause her any angst!

Original poster
Guineapiglet345 · 19/01/2019 08:14

@swizzells2003 I hope you’re right, hopefully it doesn’t happen as much any more. I think it was bad for me because my parents didn’t really believe me so it never really got sorted out with the school and because I was quite a shy child I never stood up to the bullies so they just got away with it.

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 19/01/2019 08:17

My 7 year old has lovely red hair and he just says 'I love my orange hair'. No-one has ever said anything to him. I think you need to try and work on your confidence.

Browntile · 19/01/2019 08:18

My daughter is 9 / her ginger hair is the most incredible (not that I’m biased at all!) colour. She has never been teased for it only commented on about how lovelyit is. I don’t think bullying about hair colour is anything like the issue it was 20 years ago.

Rhinosaur · 19/01/2019 08:21

My DD is a red head and I’ve explained to her how people often comment on her hair as it is so beautiful.
She’s never once had anything negative said about her hair colour and I think if anyone did it would go over her head because as far as she is concerned it’s amazing.

pictish · 19/01/2019 08:21

Yes it’s normal. Targeting someone for it is absolutely inane. Red hair isn’t that unusual. It’s not as common as brown hair but still pretty run of the mill. And of course, often lovely.

Knittink · 19/01/2019 08:21

I've been a teacher for many years in lots of different schools. Some kids can be mean to each other about all kinds of things, but ginger hair genuinely hasn't come up as a bullying problem. I don't think kids these days see hair colour as something to pick on. Personally I love red hair.

fruityb · 19/01/2019 08:23

We have some girls at the school I work at with the most beautiful ginger hair and the most beautiful skin. I actually envy them for it! The boys I teach often make jokes about themselves to get in there before anyone else does! We make a collective joke at times - I adore that class for the way they are with each other and me. I don’t think people are as mean as they were - certainly not the same as when I was at school.

Original poster
Guineapiglet345 · 19/01/2019 08:24

Thanks all, I’m feeling a lot better that so many of you think bullying red hair isn’t a thing any more.

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 19/01/2019 08:27

I wasn't teased for it, but it was commented on as red hair isn't common in my family.

Every elderly person I'm stuck in a bus queue with always had 'nicer' hair than mine.

It gets tedious.

As do the freckles.

CountFosco · 19/01/2019 08:29

If adults tell you how unusual your daughters hair colour is then just give them a big smile and say 'yes, it's beautiful isn't it'. Your experience of being bullied is colouring how you feel about it which is completely understandable but you can change how you respond to it. If your daughter hears you being positive about her hair colour then that will build her confidence as well.

As others say schools are better on bullying these days and children are more accepting of diversity. I was at school in Scotland a long time ago and had quite a few redheads in my year, some were bullied, some were not. At my kids school in England there are fewer redheads but it doesn't seem to be seen as a negative thing at all.

chipshopElvis · 19/01/2019 08:31

I have a happy, confident 7 year old with beautiful, long, bright red hair. She receives compliments nearly every time we are out about her hair and how lucky she is to have it. She loves it, we love it and I'm pretty confident that she would deal with any negativity in her stride. Make it a feature to be proud of she's lucky I would love to have red hair, my siblings got lucky but I got boring brown.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 19/01/2019 08:38

I'm female and ginger. My 7yo son is also ginger. He's never mentioned any sort of bullying or exhibited anything other than pride in his gingerosity, and this year we're contemplating going to the Redhead Festival in the Netherlands :)

mirialis · 19/01/2019 08:43

I would assume people commenting on unusual hair mean how lovely it is - I really assumed the UK had got over the old weird issue with "ginger" hair. It is unusual and lovely and is recognised as such in so many other countries. I would like to dye my hair red as Christina Hendriks (natural blonde) does but I'm too lazy for the upkeeep/roots.