AIBU ginger hair

[Guineapiglet345]

I have ginger hair as does my daughter, I was bullied horrendously at school because of it and I worry that when my daughter goes to school she’ll be bullied too.

AIBU to hate it when strangers come up to me in the street and point out my daughter’s hair and say “oh, what an unusual colour” etc.

To me it feels as though may as well be pointing at her and saying “she’s different, she’s not one of us” also does it not occur to them that since I’ve got ginger hair and I’m in my mid thirties that it’s not a novelty to me, it’s just normal?

11 yr old DD with red hair. Have always tried to give her loads of confidence about it as I used to have he same worry as OP. (Ex friend said to me when she was a baby- "at least she can dye it when she's older ) I have let her grow it very long and it's very curly and just gorgeous.
Any time anyone has commented I point out to her that everyone always compliments her hair and she's so lucky. She has only had one negative comment, I didn't make a big deal and told her lots of women dye their hair her colour and if it wasn't that she was picked on would just be something else.
She went to Korea a few years ago and people where surrounding her, touching it and asking to take photos, she was all to happy to pose and I think it really helped her confidence.
I think people commenting on it can be a good thing OP.

Look at all the people paying to dye their hair. Red is v fashionable now. Lots of famous redheads including ed sheeran are having a moment. Stand tall and be a proud ginger!

I have 2 DS aged 13 and 11 and they’ve never had their ginger hair commented on at school. I hope it’s not an issue anymore.

My DD is a redhead. Also curly and quite unruly.
Her hair has been noticed and commented on since she was a baby. People do stare at red haired kids, they are more noticeable because of their hair.
She has good self esteem and likes her hair, but has never liked the attention that has come with it.
She had few problems with teasing at primary school, but is finding it much more commented on at high school. Not outright bullying, although someone called her hair 'weird' last week. But frequent whispered comments by kids she doesn't know.
I suspect it will lessen over time - once the novelty dies down a bit - I think she expected to see more kids with hair like her at high school, but there are very few other red haired kids.
I don't think you can avoid the teasing, you might be lucky and not get it, but you will have to teach and encourage resilience about it.

I have ginger hair, always been waist length, and was never bullied. I only ever had comments about how lovely my hair was and still do now (I'm 27). There were quite a few girls in my school with red hair and I don't remember any of them being teased about it. It's luck of the draw on what other kids are like I guess, but I don't think bullying for hair colour is a thing anymore. My DS1 skipped the ginger hair but DS2 has quite the mop of ginger hair at 5 months old and I hope he never has any trouble because of it.

@lanalily11 I remember in my teens crying and begging my parents to let me dye my hair because I was being bullied, and their response was that I had lovely hair and other people would kill for my colour hair so there’s no need to dye it and what did I need friends for anyway?

I think my parents really did a number on me.

Just to clarify I wasn’t just teased, I was verbally abused, pushed around physically and spat on every single day from late primary school until the end of secondary.

I am a ginger, my dad is ginger, my brother in law, niece and nephew are also blessed .

People tried to bully me when I was a kid but for every child that insulted me I had ten people telling me how much they loved my hair, stopping me and mum in the street to fawn over me. I knew that the kids couldn't see it, even at a very young age but I knew as an adult my red hair would be my best feature. Turned out I got boobs too and the two made me quite popular!

I love seeing kids with red hair. I am super confident and quite flamboyant, I always smile at them and they smile back. Sometimes we talk and I tell them their hair is amazing and really suits them. I have never had a bad word back from the kids or parents. It's like being part of a fabulous club. Ginger is my super power.

Well I hope no one makes an issue of it as red hair is beautiful. My first boyfriend was very ginger and it was something he was teased for back in the 80's.... I hoped we've moved on, same as teasing for wearing glasses

Guinea you've had so many lovely comments, reassurances and support but your comments are only replying to things you're finding negative. There's no need to be so defensive. I for one wrote out a post and empathised with you that it must be tedious and all you took from that is 'yes it is tedious'!

As a mum of a red head and a teacher I think that things have changed over the last few years and it is not as much the butt of jokes. Fat has taken that place.

That said DS's nickname relates to his hair but no more that his mates' nicknames being related to their traits

OP - that sounds bloody awful.

I really think things have changed both in terms of perception of red hair and the way parents/schools handle bullying.

It's no wonder you feel you just want to blend in the crowd but your daughter's hair colour is unusual and she is lucky for it and also to have a mum who'll be aware and looking out for her.

I think others are trying to reassure you, not minimize what you have been through.
Your DD will be OK, things have changed in most places.

DD nearly 16. Absolutely loves her red hair and wouldn't dream of colouring it. It's not orange, it's a deep shade of red, waist length and beautiful.

Bullying isn't what it was, at least in our experience. The key is instilling that confidence from a young age absolutely not calling it "strawberry blonde" or anything else which avoids having to use the word ginger. If someone called her ginger in a derogatory way, she'd just look at them blankly.

She's just been fitted for her prom dress and the colour she's chosen looks divine with her hair colour.

Gingerism is an accepted form of discrimination. The other week on the radio an Irish woman was harping on and on and on about National Hug A Ginger Day. She insisted no offence was intended and kept on about how she herself was a ginger.
Replace the word GINGER with BLACK and it becomes offensive.
I hated my ginger locks when I was a kid for obvious reasons - the bullying and discrimination. Now I'm older I couldn't give a flying fuck about fuckwit comments about my hair.

I’m not ginger but I remember what it was to have ginger dc in the class and they always got bullied. Now times have changed and I have not heard of this happening and my dd has a few ginger haired dc in her year and tbh I think they’re lovely and they’ve never had any problems.

Oh so I think yabu because it is different but it’s lovely.

National Hug A Ginger Day. She insisted no offence was intended and kept on about how she herself was a ginger.
Yes I seen it advertised. How ridiculous in this day to think it is exceptable. I know lots of people with ginger hair take it in jest, but it is so wrong.

I got verbally and physically abused for having dyed hair in school, hair that had been dyed in an effort to make me look more like others, so I would be seen as prettier and be more popular. It didn't work, particularly in middle school after I had begged my mother to change which colour she dyed it (not having it dyed was very much not an option to my mother but she was willing to do a warmer blonde rather than a platinum one). Hell, when I finally was free of that at 15, all my dad's girlfriends harrassed me to 'at least get highlights' for the rest of my childhood. It was not fun, it just left me feeling ugly and needing to hide myself. In adulthood, I've grown my natural hair out as long as possible, even with the frizzy dark mess it is, at least it's actually me.

There are lots of things that could have been different in childhood that we may think might have made everything better, but that's not always the case and really, we'll never know. I'm as guilty of it as anyone else, but dwelling won't help.

My spouse is ginger and we got tons of comments with our first. I still remember the anger when introducing our new baby to some of my spouse's childhood friends and their first response was "Thank God he's not ginger". Others would try to be more subtle with 'good thing they look like their mother' when it was obvious they purely meant their father's hair because they have far lighter skin and hair than me and nothing like my face shape (in fact, my spouse and I have commented they seem to look more like a combination of our siblings than us). I always wanted to respond to ask if they had meant to be rude about my spouse or my taste in men, but most of these were thankfully people we rarely see and often wouldn't see again after that. It's very frustrating to deal with, but it will hopefully pass in time and silent glares - or at least that's what worked for me.

@MaddieElla - The key is instilling that confidence from a young age absolutely not calling it "strawberry blonde" or anything else which avoids having to use the word ginger. AGREED! despite my username. I was always labelled Strawberry Blonde.

I think nowadays it's different, well hopefully! I love ginger hair and actually dye my own natural dark blonde hair ginger and love it an so does everyone else x

You are projecting your own insecurities. Badly.
Ds2 is ginger and proud and has never ever been teased.

You really need to stop projecting your own insecurities onto your dd.

Unfortunately it still happens. Kids do get bullied st school for having ginger hair. It’s not right but all you can do is try and make your child confident.

@BlancheM I’ve read every single post and while they’re all lovely to be honest I find the ones talking about how beautiful, special and lucky we are to be ginger just reinforce what I am worried about in the first place. I don’t want her to stand out (positively or negatively) because of her hair.

I am glad that most people seem to think it’s not a thing like it was 20 years ago though, that does make me feel better.

DH was at a diversity course a few years ago and the course leader clocked his red hair, approached him before the course began and asked him to be part of an experiment.
The course leader would call him Ginge or Carrot top and see how the other participants reacted. He did so - No one said a thing.

After lunch the experiment stepped up and the course leader privately asked a blonde woman if he could refer to her as blondie. He did so and some of the others piped up and told him that wasn't allowed.
He then pointed out that he had been calling DH Ginge all morning and they hadn't said a word.
Food for thought for all of them. A lot seemed to think gingers were fair game!

I should add that was at least 15 years ago