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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ginger hair

130 replies

Guineapiglet345 · 19/01/2019 07:50

I have ginger hair as does my daughter, I was bullied horrendously at school because of it and I worry that when my daughter goes to school she’ll be bullied too.

AIBU to hate it when strangers come up to me in the street and point out my daughter’s hair and say “oh, what an unusual colour” etc.

To me it feels as though may as well be pointing at her and saying “she’s different, she’s not one of us” also does it not occur to them that since I’ve got ginger hair and I’m in my mid thirties that it’s not a novelty to me, it’s just normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
Guineapiglet345 · 19/01/2019 09:54

*love not live

OP posts:
Gudgyx · 19/01/2019 10:00

My almost 4 year old DD has a brilliant head of long thick red hair. Not proper ginger but like a deep red with natural blonde highlights. It’s absolutely stunning. We’ve anticipated the anti ginger comments when she starts school so have been good naturedly calling her related names ‘gingey’ etc so if she does end up getting called them later she hopefully won’t take it badly. DP and I are the kind of couple that have always taken the piss out of each other, now we’re that kind of family. When we call her gingey or ginga ninja she’ll call us something back, we all laugh about it so she knows it isn’t a big deal.

Her hair really is stunning though, we get the comments from strangers too but it doesn’t bother us. My brother has said if she wants to dye it when she’s older, send her to him and he’ll pay her not to! I get the feeling it will turn blonde eventually though, her wee highlights are becoming more and more :( I hope it doesn’t change

Missillusioned · 19/01/2019 10:04

I'm red haired and so are my children. I was teased about it at school, but times have changed and none of my children have ever been. They like their hair and red hair is seen as fashionable and attractive these days.

Jamiefraserskilt · 19/01/2019 10:14

When I was at school, I was bullied for wearing glasses. When my lad started wearing them, it was a "thing". Glasses are cool. Same for redheads. Red hair is lovely.
Some kids will pick up on anything different to themselves. They are pathetic.
Teach your daughter some one line put downs in case any brainless twat says anything but I wouldn't worry too much as being ginger is not what it was.

Jamiefraserskilt · 19/01/2019 10:16

Oh and these days, freckles are drawn on whereas in my day, they were covered up. Times change.

Huntawaymama · 19/01/2019 10:17

I'm lucky I've only ever had lovely comments about my red hair, however my friend at school hated hers and tried to colour it and she got picked on. Ive always owned my hair I love it. Im gutted neither of my girls have red hair. Just teach kids to be confident in their own skin and those who don't like red hair are jealous

BillywigSting · 19/01/2019 10:21

I've known a handful of redheaded children and none of them have had any trouble in school. It's something that is ever really commented on (except for the young girl who's best friend frequently states, good naturedly, how jealous she is of her 'sansa stark' hair)

I notice red hair because it is quite unusual, but it's also often very beautiful and I spent a fortune dying mine red before dc

holasoydora · 19/01/2019 10:40

Lots of people comment on the hair of ginger haired kids because it is so beautiful! But you are right, when you have it is normal and you forget so a comment can take you aback and make you think, am I so different?

Mine is fading and I really miss it. Considering getting it dyed my old colour! I was teased a bit about it by the annoying boys in about year 8 but not before or after that. And no more than other kids were teased about stuff (anything and everything!).

Yes it’s a bit different - it is a recessive gene so less common, but being different is a good thing!

Just encourage your DD to do lots of different things she likes doing and meet lots of people and she will develop the sort of self esteem that can shrug it off.

Red hair is having a moment - when she is older make a point of showing her pictures of all the people who spend money dying their hair gorgeous reds and oranges like hers! My mum did this and it definitely made me think it was something to be pleased about.

holasoydora · 19/01/2019 10:41

huntaway neither of my kids do either, I was also a bit disappointed! Grin

user1473069303 · 19/01/2019 10:43

I think it's complementary. I think ginger hair is beautiful.

user1473069303 · 19/01/2019 10:44

Complimentary (sorry)

fluffiphlox · 19/01/2019 10:44

I have ginger hair (and work hard at keeping it that way haha!) and have never been bullied or really even teased for it. My own theory is that bullies choose their targets and then find something about them to bully them for (hair, weight, spots etc). If you’re so-called ‘popular’ you won’t get bullied.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/01/2019 10:47

I’ve red hair, as does my family, never been a issue.

Yabu, it’s is a unique colouring (as there are so many shades) by making it an issue you will make it an issue for your daughter.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/01/2019 10:49

no offence but blonde isn’t quite the same as blonde is more associated with being beautiful and desirable whereas ginger is more associated with being ugly and different

In your opinion, my experience is a totally different one, the vast majority of my young family (Male and female) are models, as are some of my adult family x

MamaDane · 19/01/2019 10:54

Yeah growing up being a redhead wasn't easy but as I matured I found that people saw me as more attractive because of it and now I absolutely love my hair colour.

The worst is when I don't colour my eyebrows and eyelashes (which are blonde) so I end up looking like a chemo patient (no offense to any chemo patients).

But I wish I was introduced to proper makeup sooner. But I didn't start until I was 15-16 and didn't do it properly until I was 18-20 or so.

holasoydora · 19/01/2019 10:55

6times

I saw a redhead mum with four red head girls in the summer and I can still remember what a stunningly beautiful brood they were Smile

EarlyBird39 · 19/01/2019 10:55

I really don't understand how can someone bully a natural ginger! In my opinion you gingers have the most beautiful hair colour! It's so unique and fab!! Don't think anything else of it and NEVER allow anyone to make you think otherwise!! You're all gorgeous! Thanks

MyFriendGoo5 · 19/01/2019 10:55

As a ginger mother of gingers op I say this kindly.

She's going to get comments, she's going to get compliments because red heads are rare, they stand out because of this.

To the compliments, just agree with Yes, I'm very lucky. I love it.

She's going to get pisstaking, get in early. Teach her to shrug off the jokes because bullies thrive on reaction. From day one my dc were called super ginger, family pet names are ginge one, ginge 2 and mother ginge.

I've just overheard dc1 threaten to use his evil, ginger super powers on his cousin if he doesn't stop annoying him.

Honestly, don't bring her up to be a victim. Because she'll become one.

PoisonButTasty · 19/01/2019 10:56

Not a single issue here with my 7 year old.
She LOVES her hair (almost too much but I let it go) and loves people commenting on it. She can tell me exactly how many people in her class have red hair.

My other daughter wishes she had it I think :(

Maelstrop · 19/01/2019 10:59

Teacher here-with red hair. I don’t think it’s an issue anymore, honestly.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/01/2019 11:00

Society has changed there way in thinking when it comes to gingers, be that of Ed Sheran , Prince Harry, karen Gillian it really isn’t a thing (negative) anymore in the way it was 20 years ago.

LanaLily11 · 19/01/2019 11:02

I have ginger hair and grew up with people constantly taking the mick. I begged my mum from the age of 12 to let my dye it as I had grew to hate it because I never seemed to hear anything positive said towards me about it. I’m now 29 and still dye my hair brown just out of habit and am hoping to go back to my natural colour soon, although it will be a lengthy process. I had my first baby last year and I found myself secretly hoping she wasn’t ginger too as I don’t want her to grow up with the same feelings I did.

FredaFox · 19/01/2019 11:04

I'm a ginger. Was bullied but think I would have been regardless of hair colour (I was small quiet and shy)
People comment on kids red hair as it's rare not to point then out as freaks.
I dyed my hair for years but embrace it now. I find it's adults who make me uncomfortable. Namely idiot men showing off to mates saying things like do the carpets match the drapes etc or ginger minge. Those comments really knocked my confidence in my 20s

gingajewel · 19/01/2019 11:04

I have red hair and got bullied/teased about it all the time growing up. But I just don’t think it’s a ‘thing’ anymore? My dd has three children in her class with ginger hair and no one has ever said anything to them and tbh my daughter hasn’t even noticed! I just don’t think people tease people anymore about having ginger hair and if they do certainly not to the extent I was!

EmeraldShamrock · 19/01/2019 11:07

They're are two girls in my DD class with ginger hair, all aged 10, other students in the school too. I have never heard anyone say anything negative, same with glasses, both are pretty cool now.
I think years ago, kids were meaner. We used to say stick and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me
I think we all learnt it is not true, names cause as much hurt as a physical injury. My DC school constantly do anti-bullying lessons, lots of kids are more aware not to comment unless they have something nice to say.
I do not think she will have any issues. I am sorry you were teased, it is natural your concerned for your DD.