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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ginger hair

130 replies

Guineapiglet345 · 19/01/2019 07:50

I have ginger hair as does my daughter, I was bullied horrendously at school because of it and I worry that when my daughter goes to school she’ll be bullied too.

AIBU to hate it when strangers come up to me in the street and point out my daughter’s hair and say “oh, what an unusual colour” etc.

To me it feels as though may as well be pointing at her and saying “she’s different, she’s not one of us” also does it not occur to them that since I’ve got ginger hair and I’m in my mid thirties that it’s not a novelty to me, it’s just normal?

OP posts:
Yabbers · 19/01/2019 12:31

My DD is a red head and I’ve explained to her how people often comment on her hair as it is so beautiful.

I do the same with DD about her wheeled walking frame. Kids only stare because they really want one and are envious.

She strides around in it like a superhero. It’s fabulous.

Scifi101 · 19/01/2019 12:59

@Doyouthinktheysaurus

What age did you go grey? I've heard red heads go grey later.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 19/01/2019 13:26

@Scifi101 I'm mid forties😢 I'm not completely grey but my hair is just fading. The bits that aren't grey are dulling and the Very flat in Colour.

Myheartbelongsto · 19/01/2019 13:35

When I was giving birth the midwife said " I can see the head, your baby has hair and thankfully it's not ginger"

NottonightJosepheen · 19/01/2019 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrawberryBlondeRed · 19/01/2019 13:51

@Myheartbelongsto Really?!! Hmm well if thats all you had to worry about, a baby being born with ginger hair, then you count yourself very lucky considering some babies are born with disabilities and life threatening conditions.

NottonightJosepheen · 19/01/2019 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Myheartbelongsto · 19/01/2019 13:54

Yes strawberry, she didn't offend me at all at the time, was just a bad joke.

In the same hospital, another midwife told me it was a pity I didn't have any animals at home as my milk was going to waste.

Ribbonsonabox · 19/01/2019 13:59

It is an unusual feature though and some people think it's incredibly beautiful. I for one have been dying my hair ginger since my early teens. When I see people with natural ginger hair particularly ginger curls I would compliment them on it because I think its extraordinary. I guess it's never really occurred to me that anyone would feel ashamed or self conscious about their gonger hair because I've always viewed it as a beautiful feature. I dont think I'm alone either. It's quite widely viewed as beautiful.
I've got very pale skin, to the point that strangers sometimes comment on it positively. I did get teased at school about it, got called sick, dead, albino etc but I love it when people comment positively on it. I'm happy with it as an adult and I do think it is an unique beauty that i have.
Red hair is a unique beauty that you and your child have.

Ribbonsonabox · 19/01/2019 14:06

Another thing to think about is though that people will be bullied for absolute any God damn thing that bullies can find which singles them out. Being fat, being thin, having no curves, having big hips, having a flat chest, having freckles, being too pale, having olive skin, having black skin, having curls, having lanky hair, being too tall etc etc etc etc
If it's not one thing it's another. It's not about the people being bullied it's about the bullies and they will just pick whatever random thing they can. And if they cant find a physical thing they will find a personality trait, or your name rhyming with something or something about your family.
So it does not good to try and blend in to just try and avoid bullying tbh. Being different or standing out is not some kind of failing, in fact its jealousy that motivates a lot of bullying.

Scarletmonkey · 19/01/2019 14:08

I adore red hair.

I woman I vaguely know at work has the most stunningly beautiful red hair, real life princess merida red curls. never said anything because she might well be sick of the comparison and comments. But just stunning, I'm so jealous. We have red hair on both sides of my family, and I got none of it. shakes fist at parents

ShaggyRug · 19/01/2019 14:13

I was out shopping a few weeks ago and a young girl in front of me had the most beautiful red hair. Stunningly unusual shade. She was with her mum and was probably around 10.

I really wanted to say how stunning her hair colour was. I was pretty green with envy myself as a boring brunette.

Yet I said nothing for fear of the reasons in the OP.

If someone told me my hair was a stunning shade of brown I know I’d be chuffed to bits but I know that some people take any comment, even a gushingly positive one, as a negative thing.

It makes me sad that we live in this world where I question if I should say something nice in case it’s taken the wrong way.

Her hair was absolutely beautiful though. Do to any red heads out there, please know that many of us are insanely envious of your beautiful hair.

chemenger · 19/01/2019 14:23

My dd has beautiful ginger hair and often gets compliments for it. She gets fed up of being called Merida sometimes though. She calls herself a ginger and embraces the ginger. The only unpleasantness I’ve witnessed was when a toddler, also with ginger hair was staring at her when we were on a bus. I remarked to the dad that the little girl had spotted a fellow ginger and was told very firmly that the word was very offensive and they only used strawberry blonde (the little girl was not at the strawberry blonde end of the spectrum of ginger). They were setting themselves up for a world of pain imo.
When she was born the midwives referred to her as the baby with the golden hair.

Itwasbestoftimesworstoftimes · 19/01/2019 14:29

@Guineapiglet345

I have two red headed sons (I’m pretty auburn but they are red) and it is the most gorgeous colour.

One of my sons is red headed with enormous brown eyes and no freckles. He is very striking and I’ve been approached for him to model. Without being biased, he is a very handsome boy.

I don’t think red hair is seen as something to take the piss out of the way it was before.

Anyway tell your daughter to say if anyone takes the piss “i can dye my hair but you’ll always be ugly.” GrinWink

MrsJamin · 19/01/2019 14:37

I've got a redheaded 8 year old DS, he's never had any comments. There are quite a few redheads for a small school and so perhaps that's why but I think the tide has turned with better red head role models for girls and boys so I really wouldn't worry! I wish I had ds's red hair, it's just beautiful!

Highonthehill · 19/01/2019 14:48

I was bullied for my hair. It's not a bright red, more a mix of colours but did look more ginger when I was younger especially at school including my own brothers.
Teacher tried to give me a detention for highlighting my hair, my mum had to confirm that my multi coloured hair was natural.

It used to really upset me but my gran loved my hair colour so much I never dared to dye it.

Also the pale skin that comes with it was a pain

Now I get the hair dressers and generally people being jealous of my hair colour.

I get the last laugh though because all those bullies are now having to dye the grey or doing it for some time.... I won't go grey for a very very long time... perk of being a red head.

Also my risk of skin cancer is reduced as I have to be so careful!

And my DH may not have fancied me as he loves a red head.

It's hard to deal with the teasing but support her through it, will be worth it when she is older

PoisonButTasty · 19/01/2019 14:48

@Itwasbestoftimesworstoftimes your son sounds like he has the same colouring as my daughter. Does he take a good tan? My daughter goes so brown in the summer it is unbelievable and so unusual for someone with red hair. I am so envious of her! She’s beautiful.

Beamur · 19/01/2019 15:11

My DD tans in the sun and has green eyes. Whilst I am undoubtedly biased, she is very striking.

BertrandRussell · 19/01/2019 15:18

My ds’s a redhead and I don’t think she was ever bullied because of it. She got lots of comments as a little girl because it was very striking and unusual. My ds did for his mop of blond curls too. Just people being nice!

One thing-I did let her have her eyelashes tinted as soon as she started to be interested in make up because she looked as if she didn’t have any!

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 19/01/2019 22:39

If a kids gonna get bullied they're gonna get bullied I'm afraid, ginger or not. I think ginger hair is pretty common nowadays anyway. There were loads of ginger haired people at my school.

Snowyberry · 19/01/2019 22:46

Dd only had one mean comment about her red hair in year 3, so not bad going! She was quite popular at primary school. (Brown haired dd less so.)
I worried a little that dd might get mean comments when moving to the local comp and a new set of people, but I needn't have worried. No mean comments and she's integrated well with her new class and is happy there.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 19/01/2019 22:49

I remember one of my friends got bullied for being flat chested.

I got bullied by other girls for having very big boobs. Made me a slag apparently!

As long as you try your best to instill self confidence she'll be fine.

StoneofDestiny · 19/01/2019 22:52

I've noticed all the children on TV adverts seem to have red hair.

ree348 · 19/01/2019 22:55

I don't think it's seen negatively anymore but a sign of beauty

steppemum · 19/01/2019 23:00

ds ia 16, and at primary he got a LOT of stick for being ginger.
At secondary there are several of them and it is a complete non issue.

I think there is a big difference in the demographic between the primary and secondary and the kids reflect the pig ignorant opinions of the parents.

I have always loved his hair and told him so, but until veyr recently he would have died it brown at the drop of a hat.

I think he has finally come to terms with it (which may possibly be due to increased confidence coming from a certain young lady)

BUT, the girls don;t seem to get as many comments as the boys overall.