CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

Hand delivered letter to him personally. Would be only way to go . Or just appointment thought the pa for personal and private matter . Or ring the school at 630.

She has accessed remotely.... I'd turn up/and or reply to email saying that you wish to escalate to governors and you will immediately proceed on that basis

I think it’s probably the head replying. He will have had them in his ear about how you’re making a fuss about lost uniform. Heads tend to back their staff unless it is a single member of staff they want rid of. Multiple staff involved like this will always be backed by the head imo.

I agree with PP. I would hand deliver a private and confidential letter with email copy in and I would respond to email asking for complaints procedure and head of governers contact details.

The email from the head sounds too abrupt and unprofessional. I would be very suspicious about who this came from.

This is a complaint about staff members, PA in particular, and you would think this can only be dealt with by the head or board. Ask to see the school's complaints policy (it might be available online). This should set out the procedure to follow and who deals with complaints. Good luck.

I think I would reply asking for their formal complaints procedure and confirming that, as could be inferred from your email, the matter had not been dealt with to your satisfaction by the deputy head.

I would make it clear in writing that this is not a dispute between two parents which needs to be mediated, this is a complaint about the way a member of staff stating they were acting on behalf of the school treated you and your daughter and subsequently how other members of staff treated you.

The reasons why a member of staffed lied about representing the school and why a second member of staff directly approached your daughter about it, are a matter for their internal procedures and not your business. What you want is a proper apology and confidence that such a situation will not occur again for anyone.

Id also mention the fact pa's daughter lied about yours and that it is disturbing that, what could be perceived as bullying on the part of one child, was supported by staff members.

Next stage after contacting the Head is to contact the governors. Private and confidential letter should do it.

OP i second the governors next. I’d send a reply to the heads email confirming the complaints procedure

But I wouldn’t send it yet. My bet is the pa is panicking and keeping an eye on the heads emails. She emailed back at 6.30 because she needed to get in there before the head saw it. Whereas if you email after assembly etc or at a time when he’s likely to be in the office it’ll be harder for her to sneak a reply.

As previous poster has said. Email back and say you are not satisfied with the way this has been handled and you would like a face to face meeting with them personally or you will escalate to the board of governors.
Then wait for the phone call from cf parent.

multivac

I think the email probably is from the Head, but I suspect he has been verbally appraised of the situation which has been heavily slanted towards “lost PE kit” and “parent making a fuss”. I don’t think he has been given the full picture at all

I'm aghast at that reply. Surely in the circumstances even if he wanted to close the matter down (in fact especially if he wanted to close the matter down) the best way would have been a polite and less abrupt email.
100% it needs to be the governors next. Absolutely shameful.
I'm equally furious and gutted in your behalf OP

Nope, now you follow their complaints procedure.

The biggest issue is that your daughter is at that school for the next 7 years.
you could reply to the head stating that you would like an informal meeting with him to discuss issues as you are concerned that this is a bullying isue both towards your DD and yourself. That you need reasurrance that this is not a true depiction of the school. That you are aware of how busy he is but obviously this is important as it is a betrayal of trust.
if he still does not respond then go to the governors.

Well the email acknowledges he knows. And he's not going to wash dirty laundry in public. He has done what you requested OP. I think you have to trust matters will be dealt with appropriately but internally.

I can imagine how you feel sidelined and fobbed off and that they're all covering up. I know I would

I had a not dissimilar situation with a private school (not in UK). I escalated it upwards expecting some justice. How naive of me. Shortly afterwards, the school ‘withdrew’ my son’s place claiming they could not meet his needs, and smugly said ‘sue us’.

Just reply that you are not happy with the way this was treated as a pastoral issue when it is about how staff have treated both you and DD so if he doesn't wish to meet with you you would like a copy of the complaints procedure.

I'd bet my shumper AND skorts that that email is from the PA

nope im not buying his response. my dh’s office manager goes through all his emails first, before passing on the important ones to him, the others she sorts herself. she can access these anytime. either cf has intercepted it, or they have watered down the story to him. bypass them all now, write a letter to chair of governors.

Of course it's from the PA there is a good possibility of disciplinary action or losing her job, she's probably panicking with every attempt at contact with the head. Board of Governors is the way forward, anyone I know who's been a governor likes to know about this sort of thing, so don't worry about bothering them.

I agree with GreyhoudzRule. Your complaint is about the way the school staff have communicated with you and your DD.

Sorry GreyhoundzRool

I think that is the PA replying remotely; it isn't a reply from the headmaster you have described. I wouldn't reply but go in and insist on a face to face appointment or at least hand him a letter personally. Apart from anything else, this is a private school and you are a paying customer. Both financial and reputationally they need to settle your issues.

I am not normally one for conspiracy theories but that reply does sound odd and the more I think about it the more I think it probably is from CF PA. Do you think your DD has told her friends about Mumsnet and it has got back to CF and she has been watching all this time. Therefore she knew what you were going to do and either has access at home or went in very early to intercept.

The wording is odd. Either that or there is a crisis at school and something is very wrong with the structure and head is overwhelmed by lots of complaints/issues. It was on the online news last night about teachers who are absolutely fed up with the number of emails from parents and how long it takes them to replay each day/evening/weekend. I am not saying that is you OP as you have been handled appallingly but you know it is obviously a real problem if you think how many parents might be emailing at any one time.

Having said that I think, definately contact head of governors today.

I agree that that is the PA replying. Either way, it's a lie as it hasn't been dealt with by the deputy head, unless the deputy head is also the DH of pastoral care (who is irrelevant to a complaint about staff behaviour).

Email again and copy in governors, if you can, or indicate that you will now be getting in touch with the governors.