CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

Under normal circumstances she wouldn't have text but being far from home and emotional she wanted to do something to make her daughter feel better.

And THAT is possibly the worst part of it all. What a load of emotionally-blackmailing bollocks.

Chicken - they have given you the "bum's rush".

Whether you have the time or energy to take it further is up to you - personally I wuld want to see the head, and if not would go to the governors or even your local newspaper.

I would choke rather than let that bitch PA and her PE teacher mate get away with this, the cows

Easy for me to say as it isn't my time, energy or DD - but honestly - they haven't done anything about your complaint, as you have realised yourself.

Wow ! So they acknowledged she shouldn't have sent the text but did they apologise for what she did ?

I've never had a problem making an appointment to speak to a head teacher & I would not let that drop. Circling the wagons is very worrying

I would absolutely escalate this - email head directly, say that you are extremely unhappy and if he refuses to meet you, you will making a formal complaint to the head of governers and to the local authority, about PA and PE teacher's gross misconduct.

So, despite you saying that it wasn't really about the skort/skirt/children, the only upshot of it all is solely about the skirt/skort/children?

What a load of bollocks! I agree that you might be better off approaching the head as despite saying that it has been referred to HR, it clearly hasn't been or they would be making such a balls up of it! My guess is that the DH of pastoral care is another 'friend' of the CF and has been roped in in that capacity rather than because it comes under their remit.

I'm assuming the PE teacher is in cahoots with the CF, otherwise they would be furious that they were being namechecked in the invoicing threats and would be distancing themselves from it swiftly. Was the PE teacher away on this trip as well? Was it actually discussed with teacher during the trip? How on EARTH does anyone expect you to believe that she had no idea how that would come across?!

Well, this is surprisingly infuriating - I'm not just over-involved, but genuinely approaching aghast on your behalf!

I'm not sure If op explained this part but why cant you just turn up to the school and demand to see the head. Wait outside his office and refuse to leave till you see him. I dont understand how impossible this sounds to get a hold of him.

So CF PA was away with other school staff when she sent the text?

The whole thing stinks.

Don't email it will get intercepted.

Write a letter (let us help) to the head and mark it private and confidential.

Also mention how difficult it has been to get through to management.

I repeat it really shouldn't be that hard to speak to the head, the headteacher should have a presence to promote the school and be visible. I've never known a school where this is not the case both state and independent.

At this point, I would write a letter of complaint to the governors. Two issues:

• Your original complaint against the PA.
• The wholly unsatisfactory way a complaint about a member of staff has been dealt with.

Perhaps ask if they have an official complaints procedure?

What about the bill your DD is getting from the PE teacher? How does that fit in to their lie?

Write to the govenors explaining the situation. Tell them how you have been requesting a meeting with the head or hoy and have been told you can’t have access to them so are writing to them for advice instead... I think you will find that someone will contact you...
good luck OP

Are you sure you didn't see the deputy head? Our school has one for pastoral and one for academic but in reality both deputise for the head on various matters and cross over lots

Did they actually admit that the PA had acted incorrectly and offer an apology.

That is just bullshit. The PA has had a few days to come up with a totally shockingly shit excuse and they've closed ranks.

You should be able to email the head of govs directly, although not sure if private schools have to have that information on the school website like state ones do.

There should also be an official complaints procedure, but usually it's escalated only after you think the head has not resolved the issue sufficiently.

Again, not sure if private schools have the same processes in place as they are statutory for the state sector.

I agree that you should go if you are still being kept away from the head. The head is very possibly unaware that all this is happening but they'd certainly become aware of it if the head of govs approaches them. Although you would have to explain very clearly why you have gone to govs, as you've been unable to speak to the head at any time.

The school website or newsletter should have a comprehensive list of staff to clarify the deputies

I'm trying to keep up with responses so will post a couple of times. @danceyourselfsilly it is a large school and definitely not the deputy head of both. I checked. Twice cos I couldn't believe it! And I forgot to say about the PE teacher. It was said that actually they do get involved in missing kit and asking parents to pay, but that there isn't a formal invoice they issue. I asked where in the policies that was and how it was managed in a case of "he said she said." No formal way of handling it apparently and not in any policies. They went in to say that PE teacher was wrong as she should have contacted me first but instead asked my daughter do you want me to speak to your mum and DD said no I will talk to her.

@UrsulaPandress no CF was away with the school. It has been neither confirmed nor denied as to who of the vast amount of CFs were with her. Just that she was away from her family (12 & 15 btw, so hardly babies) and emotional and needed to fix everything for her daughter.

The whole thing is just a shit show

These people are being trusted to teach? I wouldn’t trust them with my cat, never mind my kids - they sound utterly incompetent

she was away from her family (12 & 15 btw, so hardly babies) and emotional and needed to fix everything for her daughter.

At the dead of night . . . .

. . . A likely story.

I have emailed the head. It is marked P&C and requests confirmation of receipt and a discussion with him to clarify the actions of his staff are in line with his expectations. It states I have been told he knows all about it and I cannot have access to him but as they have lied so much I would like him to personally confirm these ridiculous facts. All set out in a very professional and well constructed email that has taken me an hour to get right, can't have spelling mistakes in this email 😂. Whilst I know there is a danger of her intercepting it, that will only lead her to more trouble so I don't think she will. But she can make her own bed however she likes. One way or another I will ensure the head is fully appraised and he will have to confirm this to me in person. If he is happy then I will leave it.

I forgot to say as I only thought afterwards but they also held the meeting in a meeting room outside of the main building. So PA can keep head busy whil I am at reception and then whisk
Me off to another building. No chance of him stopping to ask what I am there for. Thing is, he is very personable. Always says hello when I see him etc. I just can't imagine from previous dealings that he would have a closed door policy.

emotional.... about a skort?
if I want to fix everything for my daughter the last thing I would think of doing was texting another parent at midnight and tell them it has been decided they owe me £25... she sounds unhinged to me.. and definately not a good representative of the school

You are being fobbed off, as you have realised yourself.

As PPs have suggested, ask for their formal complaints procedure. If you don’t get any joy, contact the chair of governors and ask them.

Once a formal complaint has been made, they are obliged to follow due process. All this shuffling around with junior staff won’t wash.

Ah, x post. Good luck with your email, OP.

Just a thought, but away with the school on a Saturday night .. is that code for getting lashed with the others she's in cahoots with?! Texting you whilst they're all there?

As his PA she will see every email that comes into him. What she does about it is another matter. Definitely move things away from the whole skirt/ skort saga as that will just seem crazy in terms of a HT involvement