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AIBU?

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CF parent demanding money

707 replies

ChickenPieBumFace · 19/01/2019 01:21

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 23/01/2019 18:36

So you didn’t even merit the head of pastoral care then ??

Mickeysminnie2 · 23/01/2019 18:39

I would go apeshit!

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 23/01/2019 18:40

Wow. They are still covering and blocking you getting to the Head, don't give up OP, that's not a resolution in my eyes.

myrtleWilson · 23/01/2019 18:40

To be honest I'd be flagging up to the Head that you're wholly unsatisfied with how they've handled this - you were given no indication that you were meeting Deputy head of pastoral (I assume) and therefore you feel that the school has let you down in how they have managed this process. Furthermore that unless you get a meeting with the head in the next x hours/days you're inclined to progress complaint regarding school handling to the governors/trustees depending on school set up.

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 18:40

Well you must be so p........d off OP!
Did they say CF has been spoken to harshly and told how inappropriate this was...
Did they say CF PE had been completely in the wrong...
No! You must email the Head straight away - something very wrong there as you specifically asked to speak to him originally and have been fobbed off as though you don't matter

StoneofDestiny · 23/01/2019 18:41

Sorry Crossposted with your update.

I'd write a letter marked Private and Personal to the Head if you think the e mail will be intercepted. I've never heard of a matter like this (involving staff) cutting out the Senior Team (Head and Deputy). If he puts that much trust in junior staff, it must be obvious his trust is seriously misplaced.

SaturdayNext · 23/01/2019 18:41

Well, they do seem to have acknowledged that PA shouldn't have texted you and that her text was inappropriate, so that seems quite productive. However, they should also acknowledge that the PE teacher was out of line too.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 23/01/2019 18:42

Did anyone give any insight into why you were expected to pay for something your daughter didn't tough, had been worn by the girl after the incident, but no one cares about the girl who admitted to taking your daughters skirt?

caroline161 · 23/01/2019 18:42

Speechless....take it further chicken pie. Absolutely not good enough. Giving you the heads up???? That it had been decided that you should pay her for the skort ? Yeah real mate how lovely of her

Poloshot · 23/01/2019 18:47

Totally unacceptable.

whatacrapusername2306 · 23/01/2019 18:50

absolutely do not email. it seems possible it could be past about, tampered with or whatever they will do to protect cf mother/pa. i would sit in reception until head either comes out to you or you get a face to face appointment booked. at the end of the day, you were contacted by a member of staff demanding money. its been a complete fuck up since then. im raging for you. we are all showing support for you in our shrumpers!

FrancisCrawford · 23/01/2019 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatacrapusername2306 · 23/01/2019 18:50

*passed

Nanny0gg · 23/01/2019 18:52

I would just email the HT and say it is about an urgent matter (no details) and you need to see him by (insert date)

If they block that, they've gone way too far as they have no real way of knowing what you need to speak to him about - it could be personal and very important.

scaryteacher · 23/01/2019 18:52

I have been following this with interest. I would now insist on seeing either the Deputy Head or the Head, and wouldn't take no for an answer. Be firm, and explain that if you can't see either of those two, you will be escalating this to the Chair of Governors as you feel you are being given the brush off in no uncertain terms.

mytieisascarf · 23/01/2019 18:53

It's a bit late now, but I would have been tempted to take a note of everything said at the meeting and have the DHPastoral Care (FFS) sign it. Making everyone identifiable and accountable is the way to go here. I also don't for a second believe that the head will be so reluctant to meet parents with quite serious allegations about staff members. Take it further up the chain - it is not ok for school's to ignore parent concerns.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 23/01/2019 18:53

It’s time for a sit in!

That’s appalling. They’re giving you the run around. Don’t give up!

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 23/01/2019 18:54

This is absolutely not about the effing skort anymore. Their pathetic attempts to "handle" this (and shut you up) are beyond appalling and you MUST somehow get to the Head for an official complaint about it.

Deputy Head of Pastoral Support, my arse! Angry

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 18:55

just thinking are you sure Dep Head and Head of Pastoral aren't the same - they are at our school so just wondered
just out of interest OP - how big is the school? wondering how a school can justify a Dep head of pastoral that's all

ilovemakkapakka · 23/01/2019 18:56

Agree with everyone else, it's unacceptable. While part of me might be inclined to let it go I would be worried that this harassing of your daughter could just continue with the correct people dealing with this. They clearly seem to be deliberately hiding this from the senior school management and if that is true those are some serious red flags. I would call the deputy head of pastoral care (Wtf) and tell them that if you don't receive a call from the head that you will feel obliged to go to the governers

ilovemakkapakka · 23/01/2019 18:57
  • without the correct....
flumpybear · 23/01/2019 18:58

Bloody hell - talk about dissemble, deflecting and trying to paper over the mess ... contact the head directly and tell them you don't believe he's been made aware and you'll be contacting them governors unless the matter is dealt with appropriately

PE teacher has been probably the worst offender and that was not mentioned - she's approached your daughter twice about something that's not her concern and tried to influence her, a minor, twice, then lied

CF PA has texted you on behalf of the school at midnight - under the schools name and lied that staff were supporting her ... again influencing ... without even investigating with you as the 'paying' parent

Her child lied as she's had the skorts since, and been seen wearing them

They're all liars and the word dissemble springs to mind ... I very much doubt the head or even deputy know about this

RandomMess · 23/01/2019 18:59

Is there an official complaints procedure? If you can't find one published I would ask for one.

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 19:01

flumpy bear's right

stayathomegardener · 23/01/2019 19:03

Furious for you.

Part of me says leave it now but actually unless you flag this up with the head any potential payback against your DD over the next 7 years won't be in context.

And having had a Dd go through an independent school I'm pretty sure there will be payback unfortunately.

Definitely message the head directly and mention governors as the next step.

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