CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

I would check the complaints procedure/ manual. It should be on the school website (I think this is a legal requirement). I would make sure you follow it to the letter and make sure that you identify to the school which stage of the policy you are currently at. I always find it very unsatisfactory complaining to schools, they can be quite condescending but I have never had a problem getting a meeting with the appropriate member of staff (although I have only made three complaints over the many many costly years) including meeting with the deputy head of my son’s school over the summer holidays.
This is outrageous, I am really really cross

I'd suggest why respjnse you get from him you ask for a meeting in person as you're convinced there's dissembling going on and you'd feel they may get someone to impersonate him on the phone (unless you'd recognise his voice) or pretend they're emailing from his account

Wow.

I must say if this is how independent schools work, I’m glad mine went to state! Seriously, I’ve never read or heard about so much childish behaviour from members of staff. Let’s be honest PA had one to many Friday night and way over stepped the mark. Even if she just held up her hands apologised to you and said I’m sorry I should not have done what I done. It wouldn’t make it all better, but it would have gone a lot further.

So correct me if I’m wrong the PE teacher is now claiming your daughter is lying saying that she would speak to you but your daughter said no it’s okay she would talk to you, whilst still denying that she twice told dd that she had to pay for the skort?

I’m wondering if they have informed the head, just to cover their backs, but have claimed it’s just a missing piece of PE kit, hence it’s not on his of ‘to do’- understandably. They have very conveniently missed out the real reasons behind you wanting a meeting.

Emotional about a gym skort at midnight on the weekend...yeah...right...

There's a lot of BS being spun and arse protecting going on at that school.

My theory is they were all together on the Saturday night and had a little bitch about how shocking it was you hadn't even offered to pay, and came up with the idea of a text.

Such a misjudged decision (wether in alcohol or not, and that could be another can of worms depending on the reason for the school trip) could be seen as motivation for all involved to shut down the situation. Just a thought...

So why was CFdd texting her mum on the one night she was away (3rd week in January) about an allegedly missing skort that "disappeared" before Christmas?

The hooey spun about texting you to settle her upset daughter....

My HT would go absolutely BALLISTIC if she found out that members of staff had been behaving as this shower have been. It is outrageous that they have been stopping you from accessing the Head.

Let's hope he's furious with them too. Heads deserve to roll on this one, I'm afraid (and, as a teacher, I don't say that lightly).

I cannot believe so called professional members of staff are risking their jobs (or a mighty bollocking) over a £25 skort. They were definitely together, pissed and talked themselves into sending the text.

So what course our school trip involves a Saturday night absence?

They clearly want it to go away.

Would the PA have access to the heads email? That just seems odd to me. What if a member of staff needed to email the head something of a private nature?

@Yulebealrite it was Friday night. I Won't say specifically but they were in London.
@LordVoldetort I am working on the assumption that she has and have stated I want a personal response. She may not have access. Time will tell

I could be wrong - but I don't think OP actually confirmed CF was away on a school trip - or did I misunderstand that?
she may well have been out/drinking WITH CF's 2,3 and possibly 4 but not on "official" school business
just to re-iterate this is not normal school behaviour to tell a pupil and or parent they owe another parent money for lost kit

• kit gets lost misappropriated all the time but I have never ever heard of this "policy" official or unofficial before...

Also it might be worth saying to CF's - if the head is too busy to see a concerned parent - he is too busy to be a head

and have stated I want a personal response

You won’t know if it’s a personal response though, if the CFPA emails from the heads email address you’ll be none the wiser will you? She can then delete all evidence of it if she wanted

Hang on a minute... surely if you were emotional and genuinely wanting to smooth things out for your upset daughter you'd just say 'don't worry about the skorts CFDD, these things happen, we'll go grab a new pair for you and make sure they are clearly named this time' Rather than firing off a bizarre demanding text to another parent in the middle of the night?!

What a pathetic made up excuse.

Goes off to google skort 😳

You've GOT TO speak face to face with the Head! This is mental!

Is the Head the Wizard of Oz, granting no audience ever, what exactly doe he do then

Having worked in a private school I would definitely say this is something the head would want to know about. And HR would be all over this. If ISI got hold of something like this it would do immense damage to the school's reputation.

OP, they’ve vastly underestimated you. And Mumsnet.

Let them keep digging the hole, in fact hand them shovels and drinks. I’d be sending communications that I knew would be deleted, sidelined or doctored. Very reasonable communications, easily traced, that feed into the ‘sunk cost fallacy’ that they’re desperately trying to salvage.

The more staff they co-opt into this little nonsense conspiracy, the bigger the shitshow when it all comes out. You know who will blink first? One of this staff group who is only tangentially involved and figures out he/she is in line to take the blame ‘unfairly’. Watch their loyalty to CF evaporate, as this gets closer and closer to a sackable offence.

Make sure you read over the school’s mission statement(s) and use the language when you (finally) get to speak to the Head. There’ll be something there about accountability and transparency. Ask how exactly this dishonest behaviour by staff is acceptable role-modelling to students, especially given that this debacle is playing out right in front of them.

I’d probably greet the Head with a phrase like ‘Sorry, not sure if I should curtsy. You’re more protected than the Royals, when it comes to being granted an audience!’ And I’d use a very friendly tone, big smile. And be ready with how many times you asked to speak to him directly. I’m counting at least 5? Say that you believe he has an Open Door policy, particularly to resolve these problems before they escalate. But that his staff (multiple) have been raising the drawbridge to prevent anyone getting to his open door, and they’ve been doing it to cover their behinds. That their loyalty is quite obviously misplaced. It’s not to him, students, the school or the truth.

Here’s hoping the Head is as honest and capable as you say...

What skittles said!

Oh my goodness! I can see you parking yourself outside Head’s office before 5pm watching his PA squirm, insisting that you have been trying to contact him personally, and that said contact has all been intercepted. This could be good.

The holes they are digging just keep getting deeper and deeper. I can see at least one (PA) out of a job for this.