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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF parent demanding money

707 replies

ChickenPieBumFace · 19/01/2019 01:21

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

OP posts:
MaidofEyes · 23/01/2019 17:17

I hope it went went well OP.

MaidofEyes · 23/01/2019 17:19

Danceyourselfsilly Next has dozens, we could probably all have a different style. Maybe the shrumper should be the new 'kicking clique ass' outfit.

billybagpuss · 23/01/2019 17:21

Ooh gosh, just checked back for an update and realised you probably there now, I hope it went well, and you're able to update soon as I have to work in 20 minutes. (way too invested)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/01/2019 17:21

*strikethrough fail . . . Blush

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 18:03

wear it with your head held high Little....! soon they will be sold out!

you look fab schadenfreude! work it gurrl!

I had to go out the suspense was killing me - still no news OP - tell DC to get their own tea/dinner - we need an update

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 18:08

Maid - I actually saw a lady walking down the street before Christmas with what I could only describe was a sort of regency style shrumper in the sense the jumper part was cropped off under the bust! Maybe if Jane Eyre was around now that's what she would have worn Shock ?
I have to say she was working it though - fair play

MaidofEyes · 23/01/2019 18:14

dance but but but but then she'd be missing the jumperness of the jumper....the warmth. Why? I'm perplexed.

I am far too old for fashion. I do not want a cold anything.

Smallhorse · 23/01/2019 18:15

Wonder if CF mum is a mumsnetter?

ABigBraclet · 23/01/2019 18:18

Now there's a thought, smallhorse.

eddiemairswife · 23/01/2019 18:18

My mother's friend had a shrumper during clothes rationing. She was eating out one day, felt hot, forgot she was wearing a shrumper and took off her jacket.

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 18:19

I know - it was before the cold snap and she was wearing a rather nice leather jacket on top, undone - statement necklace etc

not for me - my family/friends/work colleagues would probably - blooming 'eck what happened - did the dog eat your jumper ? or something uncouth like that....
where IS OP?

Magenta82 · 23/01/2019 18:21

@eddiemairswife what would taking off her jacket do? it would be more of a problem if she tried to take off the jumper part but then there was no shirt

flumpybear · 23/01/2019 18:21

Good luck! Albeit you're probably out by now!

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 18:21

eddie - did she not have the shirt attached!? are you mistaking a shrumper for a cropped item of jumper origin

stayathomegardener · 23/01/2019 18:21

Waiting for an update (justice to be done!)

Smiling at a Scholarship AND not from the village 🙄

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 18:22

maybe she's talking to the Daily Fail...

Drum2018 · 23/01/2019 18:23

Your old boss mispronounced your jumper/shirt ensemble - it's a shumper. Dh used to have a few. I thought they were fantastic as it saved ironing shirts Grin

Look forward to the meeting update.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 23/01/2019 18:24

I remember reading your first few posts but I havnt been back and oh my, this escalated! But those women at the school... conniving little so and so's!

Hope it went well, and you kept on point with them probably trying to fling blame and derail.

AdoreTheBeach · 23/01/2019 18:25

Hope it went well OP. Waiting for your update

eddiemairswife · 23/01/2019 18:28

Sorry. I misunderstood the term 'shrumper'. What my mother's friend was wearing was basically a shirt front attached to a collar, so with a jacket on it looked like a blouse, but without a jacket her bare back and arms were exposed.

MaidofEyes · 23/01/2019 18:29

Shumper does makes sense, although when you say it, it sounds like the Welsh word for a (normal) jumper.

MaidofEyes · 23/01/2019 18:30

eddie I think that would be a shacket

flumpybear · 23/01/2019 18:30

Blimey I have a shumper now! Well it's more cotton type material - I like it 😱

ChickenPieBumFace · 23/01/2019 18:34

Well it didn't go well but it didn't go bad. It just didn't anything really. We started off with deputy asking me to talk through the issue. I advised again in no uncertain terms it was about the message but gave the background of skorts for context. I then went on to describe the compounding behaviour of staff following my initial complaint. PE, receptionist HOY (who was there 🙄). And then ten mins in, it comes out that I am not speaking to the deputy head. No she is in fact the deputy head of pastoral care! FFS this isn't about the children. Anyway she goes on to say that the reason that CF sent the text was because she was away with school and had left her DD for the first time (not true but hey) and when she returned to her hotel she saw texts from her DD that said she was upset. Under normal circumstances she wouldn't have text but being far from home and emotional she wanted to do something to make her daughter feel better. And that something was text me. That she had no intention of it being on behalf of the school and thought she was doing me a favour in giving me a heads up. And that she is shocked it has turned to this. And that only when told how the text read was she aware that she had done anything wrong. I was 😲! I just said 2 days of circling the wagons and that's the best she can come up with! DH (of pastoral care 🤬) said that there will be no consequences to DD and that all efforts will be made to find the skort and skirt. Which looking back now is the only rea outcome of the whole meeting. Anyway I asked if head was aware and they said yes but I'm not sure I believe them. They said that nobody gets through to the head as he would have parents on to him all day long. I'm not sure that is true though. I requested a 2 day absence for my DD when I got married late last year and he replied personally approving it and wishing me a fabulous day etc.

So my next move is to email the head directly with a summary of the issue and the outcome of today's meeting and ask him if he is happy with the outcome and how it has been handled. And is it true that no parent gets to speak to you ever!!

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 23/01/2019 18:36

First time I've ever heard of skorts.
Hope you managed to break through the closed ranks to get the matter resolved to your satisfaction.

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