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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF parent demanding money

707 replies

ChickenPieBumFace · 19/01/2019 01:21

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 23/01/2019 12:42

Then why do you have to buy your daughter a new skort for 26 pounds to replace the one that was taken? Or did you mean skirt? As in a school uniform skirt? But surely that would be more expensive to replace than a PE skort, which the other mum said would be 25 pounds each.

It's s confusing Confused

LokiBear · 23/01/2019 12:46

It does seem daft, even for 11 year olds (and I know how daft they can be - I teach them) to offer a pair of skorts when the child already had her own. Wonder if CFDD has ripped her skorts and was hoping to blame your dd?

Trillis · 23/01/2019 12:52

If I remember correctly (I haven't checked back), another girl had picked up the OPs DDs skirt by accident, which is why she had no skirt of her own to change back into. The DD was then offered the loan of a skort, which she didn't take, and a skirt from a different girl, which she did. The OP returned the loaned skirt, but never got back her DDs skirt from the other girl that accidently took it. The skort which the DD was offered but didn't borrow is the skort that is now supposedly missing and which the school PA mum is trying to get the OP to pay for.

How did I do OP? :)

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/01/2019 12:54

Sorry, I still don't understand why you haven't just told them she didn't actually borrow them so she is not liable to pay for their replacement?

Why all these meetings involving the school? Just talk to the CF Mum and tell her to jog on.

FuckingYuleLog · 23/01/2019 12:57

Yes it sounds odd to me that te other child would offer shorts when the ops child already had some. And that they would insist on giving them even when the ops said they didn’t need them.
I don’t think the op has the full story tbh and quite possibly does owe something towards the shorts. The other parent has no chance of getting it now though due to how they have chosen to conduct themselves.

IamPickleRick · 23/01/2019 13:12

Why all these meetings involving the school? Just talk to the CF Mum and tell her to jog on.

Because CF mum is representing the school at this point. Or is/was claiming to. And is now involving other teachers in her capacity as school staff.

Had she messaged reasonably then I imagine it could have been sorted out by having a chat. But at this point she has used her position as PA

  • demand money from a parent on behalf of the school at an unreasonable time of night and in a poorly chosen form of communication ie text message on a topic identical to OP’s original skirt problem, that has already been decided as not a school issue
  • influence other members of staff to continue to look for blame and recompense of the skorts in a manner which is inappropriate for teaching staff and more appropriate to bailiffs
  • deny access to the head teacher and potentially influence other staff in a matter which it is not ethical for her to be dealing with professionally, due to her conflict of interest and relationship with the head

It’s not an even playing field, OP can’t get any of her work friends to pile on to the kid about sending them bills etc CFPA can and has.

ReaganSomerset · 23/01/2019 13:19

The word skort is ridiculous and has now lost all meaning.

ChickenPieBumFace · 23/01/2019 13:20

@Trillis yep you nailed it Grin

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 23/01/2019 13:23

Good luck, OP. If you can't get it sorted with the head, the next step is the school governors (they may be called trustees at a private school) and if the governors are no use, it might even be Daily Mail Sadface time...

Somerford · 23/01/2019 13:24

The word skort is ridiculous and has now lost all meaning

I agree, it's irritating me and I can't figure out why

justilou1 · 23/01/2019 13:32

Because even though it isn’t, it sounds like it’s an American word?

flumpybear · 23/01/2019 13:49

@ChickenPieBumFace - when's your appointment? Also has your DDs skirt turned up yet? Sorry if I missed that bit of info

billybagpuss · 23/01/2019 13:57

*The word skort is ridiculous and has now lost all meaning

I agree, it's irritating me and I can't figure out why*

I hate to say, its one of those words that grows on you, it has been in the periphery of my vocabulary for probably 5 years or more now, it no longer irritates me.

ChickenPieBumFace · 23/01/2019 14:31

@flumpybear DDs skirt never turned up. A pupil said she had it and then couldn't find it and then miraculously said she never had it in the first place. Not much me or the school can do and ultimately it was DDs fault. She must have not left it in her bag or neatly folded. To be honest, I know what she is like with her bedroom so I can imagine she was just the same. Flung the skirt to get ready for PE, lands with someone else's clothes. Gets collected by someone else and boom! I'm a skirt down.
Meeting is at 4.30 so I will update afterwards
If you think that skorts is annoying, I used to wear a top to work that was a fake shirt under a jumper. Dont judge it was the naughties My boss used to call it a "shrumper ". It drove me crazy every time he said it. ----

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 23/01/2019 14:37

chickenpie good luck w meeting. Like everyone else can’t wait for updates.
I love your posts, very funny ... ‘shrumper’ 😂😂😂😂

TeaStory · 23/01/2019 14:47

Skort!

CF parent demanding money
FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 23/01/2019 14:49

teastory Brilliant!

IsItThatTimeAgain · 23/01/2019 15:03

@ChickenPieBumFace

You had a boss that told Dad jokes? That's even worse then paying for a skort that was never borrowed. Confused

RiverTam · 23/01/2019 15:06

fucking awesome, TeaStory! Oh God, I'm at work, I've got to suppress it.

I was still tittering about this in bed last night, and on the way to work this morning.

OP - I had tops like that - shrumper! What a great term.

Nativityriot · 23/01/2019 15:13

absolutely riveting and dying to hear, this is something that could possibly happen in my kids' (otherwise excellent) school.

ChickenPieBumFace · 23/01/2019 15:17

@TeaStory absolutely brilliant use of time. Chuckling away and channeling my inner Gru for later on. 😂

OP posts:
PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 23/01/2019 15:18

TeaStory that's amazing!

I'm reading this thread and starting to feel really guilty because in 3rd year I accidentally picked up Hannah F's tights after getting changed for PE and I never said anything because they were from M&S and my mum would only get mine out of Tesco Blush

danceyourselfsilly · 23/01/2019 15:22

Love it!
I think we should all wear shrumpers with skorts in solidarity with OP and OPDD and march into their schoolmeeting!

RiverTam · 23/01/2019 15:26

Penny disgraceful. You're lucky MN didn't exist then Wink.

shrumpers and skorts!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 23/01/2019 15:30

Minor point to while away the time...
The OP's DD, having managed to lose one of her 2 uniform skirts (not skorts) is now paying the reasonable penalty of being responsible for overnight laundering of said skirt (not skort)
But why is this done on a Wednesday night rather than the weekend?
It's totally unimportant, but is intriguing me!

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