CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

also sending admiral support OP, you're doing a cracking job

Good luck, and well done for pursuing this

Oooh yes, what 7salmonswimming suggests.

@7salmonswimming that's a great approach. I have told them several times they are muddying g the waters with references to the skort and pupils. I was thinking that I would feel like a schoolchild myself explaining the whole backstory, and it would detract from my very serious and professional demeanour! 🥴. Facts are my friend, not 11 year old schoolgirl hearsay. Good news is that DD said the deputy head is of the same ilk as the Head and very professional. So I am less worried now. @danceyourselfsilly I'm not sure where to get an earpiece before tomorrow. May be more practical to go for writing it in teeny tiny letters on the back of my hand? I actually just looked up ways to sneak notes in and one suggestion was to tape a piece of paper to the inside of your shorts. Noooo I shouted, it's skorts!!!! 😂😂. DH must think I am obsessed with skorts by now!

yes! because that wouldn't look weird at all - trying to look up the leg of your skorts during the meeting..
I think notes is the way to go plus you could skype us all from under the desk perphaps?

or even perhaps

Ah but the point of skorts is that you can't look up them! So my plan is rubbish. 😂

I'm surprised you're not more upset with the PE teacher! Horrid thing to say to a child and twice!!

(Didn't mean for that to sound so judgy sorry)

What a shower of unprofessional cliquey nitwits.

Agree with starting of reframing the issue. Please spell out very clearly the PA’s misrepresentation of her own private grievance as a school edict, this is a serious issue and could get lost in all the other things going on!

I’d add to this primary topic, a secondary issue, which is the shocking attempts by several members of staff to block your communication / attempts to contact the Head Teacher himself. He needs to know that his own contact with parents is being curtailed and controlled like this, by staff who are acting well beyond their remit (and out of their own self interest).

If I was the Head, I’d take this the most seriously out of everything that has happened. It is a breach of trust which I’d struggle to get over, how would he ever be certain that he was in full possession of the facts again, or if he was being blocked from knowing what was really going on... from being able to do his job, and deal with any number of PR disasters that would need him, the Head, to steer the school through.

Perhaps he won’t see it from that perspective, but I’d not be keen on having someone with err, such bad judgement as the gatekeeper between me and parents (& pupils).

I’d also be ready to be crystal clear on the detail IF it’s needed to defend against the misinformation and rewriting of history happening.

Perhaps describe some of the techniques used to misrepresent the ‘skort facts’ by deliberately edited/ cut texts... these kind of techniques need shining some light on, as they’ve been used to recruit other members of staff into this ridiculous campaign.

Good luck tomorrow.

Blimey, what a saga! I'm late to this one, but have just RTFT and I am in awe of your patience and maturity @chickenPieBumFace

Another one wishing you all the best for tomorrow and hoping for the CF and her band of merry meddlers to get everything that's coming to them.

Good luck OP!

I would stick to the lack of professionalism of the PA and staff too.

I would have the background to this on hand though as he will have been told one version of it and you may need to refute things.
Take in notes with a narrative of events, dates and names.
You don't have to read this out to him but if you are asked something, you can refer to it.
Add a list of your concerns so you make sure every point is answered and you don't miss anything.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking notes in with you and shows you are prepared and professional.

Bring in the notes!

In my experience the person you’ve come to see will more than likely think “Oh shit, she means business!” rather than anything else.

Alternatively, a PowerPoint with screenshots of the text messages, a photo of the skorts and loads of word art zooming around the screen.

Alternatively, a PowerPoint with screenshots of the text messages, a photo of the skorts and loads of word art zooming around the screen

I am now imagining an animated word “skorts” flying in from the right of the page and screeching to a halt (do newer versions of PP still have those effects?)

I would absolutely be very quick to say that this is not about a skort, unfortunately the skort has been a catalyst to what is unbelievably unprofessional behaviour from several members of staff.

Be sure to include complaints about the PA, receptionist, HOY and P.E teacher- who have each behaved appallingly! In fact the P.E teacher and HOY behaviour has been most concerning! Particularly the p.e teacher, emotional blackmail is disgraceful! The office staff are appalling and I would be very concerned by the fact that they have refused to allow you contact with the Head!

I would want to know their complaints procedure, especially if the Deputy tries to rubbish your complaint. I would also want reassurances that your dd will be under no more pressure from any member of staff regarding this situation!

I would also want reassured that there would be no negative fallout for your dd- particularly if the staff have anything to do with scholarship renewal.

@ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser the scholarship award is for the full 7 years and cannot be revoked unless she fails to try her hardest or commits an offence that would expel her. Neither of those are likely to happen so I'm confident she will remain. It's just to ensure fair treatment from here in.

Good luck today! Take no nonsense

@ChickenPieBumFace I'm glad you are taking this further

Good luck OP let us know how it goes!
Don't let them skort the issue

I agree with previous poster that HOY and PE teacher sound like they are not to be trusted (PE teacher most certainly done wrong)

Good luck with today's meeting, I've been coming back to read this post every chance I get. I think you have done amazing so far as has your daughter. I just hope today the school can do the same. No advice as it too late now and you already have some amazing from pp's

WellThisIsShit has summed it up perfectly, stick to that and don't get bogged down with skirts vs skorts. Good luck!

Yes, definitely take notes with you. It shows you’re taking this seriously and this isn’t a casual chat where he can just placate you.

Also, it’s very annoying to remember later something you wanted to ask or say but didn’t. Having it written down means that won’t happen and you have all the facts to hand if asked anything.

One thing I dont understand - perhaps im being thick - if your dd was getting changed from PE, then she would have been wearing skorts any way- her own PE skorts. Why did she need to borrow any thing of anyone elses? She could have left her PE kit on?

@LokiBear it was December and we were going straight after school to meet her brother for a Christmas catch up. Far too cold to have been wearing skorts so either she borrowed a skirt (which she did and then returned) or she stayed in PE kit, which would have meant going home to change before meeting up and therefore missing valuable time with her brother. But it is a valid point I will add to my notes. She didn't need to borrow skorts at all as she had her own.