CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

if you do go OP - can you take a friend/DH with you?
my worry is they are going to go along the lines of
well now Miss/Mrs/Ms x there appears to have been a little confusion..... Girls can be so forgetful sometimes... raised eyebrow.... tinkly laugh etc etc
I know you won't fall for that but if you have someone with you you might feel even stronger against the tide of CFery

@danceyourselfsilly I have the whole of Mumsnet with me
She has seven years left so a long way to go. However I have every confidence in the headmaster and the school generally. It really is an excellent school and we are very lucky that she has this opportunity. I won't stand for any knock on effect moving forward. The headmaster is a very impressive man. Definitely not to be influenced by friendships and would be very fair. He also has children at the school but you would never know. They are treated just like any other pupils. It's probably why they have tried to Keep it from him. If he says it's okay to pass to deputy I will accept it. The way thing is knowing for certain it is coming from him.

OK well you know what you're doing OP - maybe have some flash cards handy?! ;)
I'm not happy Head is not there though...

@danceyourselfsilly I was thinking of writing notes in invisible ink, or on the inside of my wrist but I reckon the teachers might be wise to those tricks! 😂. Seriously though, I will be making some notes to make sure I cover everything.

do it! or on your eraser or ruler! (not that I know about such things)
How is DD?

After the meeting. Email a summery of what was said what they will do and when they will give feedback etc

Good luck tomorrow op!

Firstly take notes with you - don't be flustered by them get everything ticked off!

Secondly, make sure you get complete assurance that your child's school life/education/marks etc aren't affected by volatile staff (as they all seem to be rallying around rather than being professional - slightly worrying for an establishment that relies on its professionalism and reputation)

Good luck! ... and take notes with you!! 💪🤞🏻

So I get in from work, cook the tea , clear up and say to DH "I'm just going to check how chicken pie bum face gym skort situation is" it was a priority I was too excited!!!

Good luck!! You have hundreds more people backing you than she does with her little 'closing ranks' debacle

Blimey @caroline161 - I was checking st work all day!! I'm desperate for much necessary justice for the poor OP and her poor daughter

I'm seriously over-invested in this!

Ah thanks everyone. DD is fine and isn't concerned about any backlash. She went to primary school with CFDD and tbh she was a Nasty pasty even back then. We were the family from a different town and they were the local villagers, with years of history at the school. I posted on here previously about bullying behaviour towards DD and actually moved her for a short time. She hated it so moved her back again. I bet they were gutted when my DD got a scholarship. And the top one too! When she started in September she made a whole new friendship group and it has been lovely. All of the teachers at parents evening commented on what a lovely group of girls she is with. So she and CFDD are no longer close. DD actually had put in her messages to CFDD that although they were no longer close it was no reason to treat her this way. It took a while but DD has come out on top and recognises the toxicity of the previous friendships and pecking order. Facilitated ultimately by CF as the parent. I wonder if CF would have done this to another parent from the village? Or just me because I am the outsider. BTW it has never bothered me being excluded. Only when it meant DD was left out. I have lots of wonderful friends and have never had time for school hate cliques.

If I were the head I would want to know about only one thing: any wrongdoing by a member of his staff.

Skirts, skorts, texts, invoices, who said what to who and when - don’t raise any of this to the deputy or the head. As you’ve said, this isn’t actually the point.

The point is that the Head’s PA has crossed the line between work and home; that she needs reminding that information that she has through her PA role and her connection with colleagues is not to be used in her role as a parent; that if she does this you would not be the only parent to wonder whether your child’s life at school - where children aren’t always able to defend themselves when up against adults - is on a level playing field with hers.

The first thing the Head will do is pull up your DD’s record and get the inside scoop on you. It’ll be a quick “yes, good woman, doesn’t make a fuss ever, girl has never been a problem”. He will know his PA and people will be talking anyway. Your record (good or bad!) will speak for itself.

I would just stick to the one and only problem in all this: the PA has blurred professional lines, and it’s not acceptable for a school headed up by a headmaster as impressive as you’ve made this fellow out to be.

Good luck!

"chicken pie bum face gym skort situation"
Sounds like a really bad Word Association Game

7SalmonSwimming, How is she going to explain the lack of professionalism without going into what exactly it is the staff members have done?

ohdeargod

“There’s a long and frankly quite dull story behind this, about lost PE kit. I won’t bore you with the details, unless you want them, but the upshot is that I received an unwelcome text from [PA] in which I was informed that a payment is expected from me for PE kit which has nothing to do with [DD]”.

Something like that.

Sorry, sent in a rush.

After the bit about unwelcome text should come something about “leading me to have concerns PA’s use of her relationship with colleagues in her dealings with me as a fellow parent”.

I think Salmon is exactly right; the issue is that the head's PA has overstepped the boundaries between her role as a member of staff and that of a parent.

that's a good line salmon
maybe OP should be wired and have an earpiece and someone can read that out to her - it's a lot to write on a sleeve/pencil case?

I would include when speaking to the Head/Deputy that there is a history of CFDD bullying your DD to the extent you previously had to move your DD school and that DD has worked hard to make a different friendship group.

Makes you wonder if the whole missing skort is fiction to stir up being nasty and getting one over on her...

i totally agree with salmon. when i had avery similar incident i kept it professional. no name calling, no snipes. just facts and that the correct process should have been followed. my daughter held her head high, had a lovely group of friends and sufferred no fall out luckily. i got an apology from the head, the teacher concerned and the other family. ( oh and the issue was resolved in our favour)
i sincerely hope that is what happens here for you.

I would be totally upfront about using notes in your forthcoming meeting.
There has been a lot of "she said, no she said" and denials in this so you want to be sure that you are quoting texts verbatim.
Can you print off screenshots to have on file?
Then you can also have a sheet with a selection carefully worded phrases that may be useful.

From now on it will be
"I am a mumsnetter , penis beaker, Mexican house, chicken pie bum face skort situation"

You've handled this admirably OP right from teaching your DD about being responsible for her skirt by washing and ironing it midweek (& reasonably turning a blind eye as to the extent of her cleaning 😉) to including the school in trying to get the skirt back but only in a casual rather than demanding way through to maintaining your composure and supporting your DD when CF is causing all sorts of bother for herself. Keep holding your measured line.