CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

Well, maybe Reagan I use it all the time too and then I re-read it and thought of 'ok hun' and thought that maybe it sounded like I was being fake outraged.

Yes, I am definitely overthinking it.

I am stunned that the PE teacher took it upon herself to make your DD shake CHDD's hand and told her that an offer should be forthcoming from your side. Your DD hasn't done anything and doesn't owe anything!

Wow.

Closing ranks indeed. CF has trashed her own reputation, her friends are trashing their own reputations alongside hers, and you definitely need to see the Head.

Hope you did.

I'd be making noises about the governors. Nobody is taking this seriously. The fact that the head won't get involved/be informed is outrageous.

OP, I wanted to add that my DC have all gone to private schools and at no point in any school did anyone ever look down upon people who were there on scholarship. Perhaps in some low ranking school where the kids are none too bright and the parents, well aware of their own poor performing children may try to push someone else further down the social ranking there may be some numbering's. I don't know. I do know that in good private schools , everyone is well aware that to get a scholarship you have to be exceptionally bright or good at something so no one looks down at all.

I think they are called skorts as they have two leg holes, not one.

I think private school kids do pay attention to how rich their classmates are.

I really hope the staff are hauled over the coals for this - well done for standing your ground, op, rooting for you!

When is the meeting with the deputy head?

If you wrote a letter for the attention of the Head and marked it Confidential would that be a way of CF not intercepting it?

Hi, I have had a call back from HOY following my very clear email. She has escalated to HR and the headmaster has been sent my email. At the moment it it still being dealt with by the deputy head and I have a meeting with her and HOY tomorrow. I will be going armed with much Mumsnet wisdom and ensuring I get the correct responses to my situation. Including why am I being denied access to the headteacher. I used the phrase from a previous poster of circling the wagons and said ultimately it will make no difference as the facts speak for themselves. So it's another 24 hour wait I'm afraid. Thanks again for all your support and wisdom.

I’m reading this mouth agog. The school is hardly acting in a professional manner.

Can't remember when I was last this invested in a story

Who was the teacher with whom the CF staff member originally cooked up the plan of you paying for this/these skort/skorts? Was it the PE woman?
If so, isn't that PE teacher landing her colleague in the shit by denying it, when you have the evidence of the original text saying "it had been decided."

I'd want to know that the Head has actually received my email and that she hasn't replied pretending to be him

Stick at it OP - this is brilliant! The teachers are appalling...

A lot of CF’er present!! Not surprised their rallying around their colleague. She’s clearly tried to throw her weight sending you that text and it seems to me has also given her DD some attitude too. Hope this gets resolved (I’d keep pushing to speak to the head directly too!!)

@OhDearGodLookAtThisMess yes and yes! Rallying around until it comes to the crunch and then denial!

Is it a very good school? Because in all honesty it sounds piss poor!
Obviously the teachers involved are going to close ranks. The problem comes when they slyly take it out on your DD with harsher marking, siding with other pupils, giving other pupils chances over her etc etc, just little things that would look petty if you brought each situation up and they know it so DD ends up with the shit end of the stick but just covertly enough you can’t do anything about it.

Mmmn up to you OP but if it was me I would be inclined to say stuff that to your meeting with HOY and deputy and simply continue to contact Head directly via email or phone call
I would be horrified if I was denied access to Head on this at this stage in the situation
Also - asking DD to shake hands and apologise etc - how very dare they! Sorry but sounds extremely unprofessional CF teachery behaviour and they/she need weeding out pronto...

Has CF tried to contact you again, or is she lying low?

The response from the school is ridiculous and really does not paint these members of staff in a good light. If this closing of ranks and misrepresentation of the truth is how they behave over an article of clothing going missing, then it raises serious concerns about their professional response in the event that something more serious was raised.

Teachers who are also parents of pupils in the school should not be getting involved in their children's disputes/issues. It's a clear conflict of interests as they are not objective. When her DD told her that the clothing had gone missing and that your DD allegedly had it, she should have passed this over to a different and unrelated staff member to deal with. Also, passing financial messages and requests via your DD is highly inappropriate. If it was the school's official position that you should contribute/replace the missing clothing, then they should have written to you. However, she knows damn well that would be ridiculous!

They're being very foolish.
My HT has always said to staff that, whatever we might have done, inadvertently or otherwise, we absolutely must tell her all of it, warts and all, if she's going to have any chance of sorting it/helping us out. These staff members are digging themselves into a very deep hole. They should have 'fessed up straightaway or actually not been so bloody unprofessional in the first place.

I would go to the meeting then sit there and refuse to budge till the head arrived. After all that’s happened how can you trust any of them?

Who is higher up than the head? Some private schools have a board of trustees if not governors.

Am I right in thinking this is your first year there?! So you only started in sept? Just wondering how much of a slog you’ve got to go with this school.

Good luck - just read whole thread and now so invested